He start complain about me a lot this year. It used to be OK, but now I am not cleaning the house the way he wants to see and many many reasons...
I try to talk to him more last week, but he only ask me why you are doing it now?

Sheesh, what a surprise (sarcasm). Ho is as ho does. And they almost always leave dirty tracks in the snow as do the same types on the guy side.

Larry

But what should I do right now? wait here and hope I can see him still coming home tonight?
Or should I e-mail to friends and family?
I can not let my family knows. They will ask us to ended now.
I can only talk to his family...

Feels like a rock on my chest right now. Try not to cry.

This is called justification by complaint.

"My wife doesn't understand me," is an oft used example. And what is so horrific is that some women buy what the guy is selling.

Larry

I saw an e-mail from her in the end of January, ask him when to meet his wife and kids.

Mail:

Start reading as I told you before. Start with basic concepts. See the link at the top of the page.

Just curious, were are you from? Where were you raised, north, south, east, some other country?

Larry

Mail:

What does this mean?


Do you mean end the marriage? Are they near you or somewhere else?

Larry

far away. yes, end the marrigae.
Our cultural do not tolerate an affair.

i did. I just do not know what goes 1st.

Mail:

Because of my studies (College) and hobbies, and my personal journey around the world (26 countries), I like to take into consideration some of the culture of a person asking for help. I modify my suggestions based on a person's country of origin and my understanding of their culture. It would really help me if I knew where in the world you were raised as a child. China? The Philippines, Colombia?

Is your husband from here in the U.S.? That will help me to provide better help for you and do no harm.

Larry

He is not letting me meeting his emotional needs.
There is no time together, he said he has work to do. So we do not bother him.

He can not see a inviting place when he came back in dark.

Communicating with a calm reassuring? I do not know what to say?
Please do not stay late at work to be with her. He said no to my request already.

A lot of your observations about what husband is doing has cultural roots. I cannot help you as much if I do not know where he is from and where you are from. Sorry.

You can email me the information if you are not comfortable telling on this forum.

Larry

His parents divorce when he ws 7 or 9.

He just called and going to pick up our son from school.
What do I do? just follow plan A? his sister supposed to call tonight. Will that make him withdrawal from me?

Thanks.

Ok, I got it. This is what I suspected. You hesitate because you are living in a different culture and are not sure how to manage things. I suspect that you are also dependent on him for money. Do you have friends you can talk to?

You feel isolated, alone, nowhere to turn. I got it. What to do next is now the question.

The next step is to expose. You expose to everyone who can have any influence over him. You expose using the guidelines from what you have read in basic concepts. You buy the book Surviving An Affair and read it. This provides you with the plan and the guidelines for the plan.

Your marriage can survive the husband getting mad because you expose. It cannot survive the affair if that affair continues.

Your husband is being disrespectful to you. But you know that.

Now, you do Plan A until you have all of the facts and all of the information you need for full exposure. He is so full of the affair so he may not notice what you are doing. But be careful. The KEY to exposure is to do it without warning.

More in a little while . ..

Larry

Mail:

Ok, I have thought about it. I had a good friend long ago who was from your country of origin and I learned a lot from him. I also looked up the situation in your former country as it is today. Based on what I remember and what I discovered, I have some comments for you.

First: It is not your fault he is having an affair. Again, it is not your fault. He is having an affair for reasons that have nothing to do with you, period.

Do not blame yourself.

Second: In your old country, men who want to have affairs usually do so far away from home. If they are caught, adultery is a crime and they can pay a fine or go to jail. Adultery is grounds for divorce and with the "new" laws now in your country, the husband can pay a heavy price. Romantic adultery is not normal for the men.

Your husband is in a romantic adultery, much more common in this country.

Third: You show a great deal of courage coming to this forum for advice. I do not know of any multi-cultural therapists except a few in California. So this is the best place at this time. You might want to make an appointment with Steve Harley at a cost of $200.00 an hour. Steve runs the coaching center for the owner of this web site and he may be able to help you.

Expect your husband to be very aggressive and rude to protect his affair. This is because in a romantic affair, each party is like someone who is taking drugs. So long as they are in an affair, they will lie to protect their next drug (affair) fix.

Have a rescue plan so if things get bad, you can protect yourself and the children. If you believe you need a rescue plan, then say that and I will tell you where to find one.

Again, your first step is to get information and prepare for exposure.

And I just figured how you emailed that information to me, very smart.

Larry

Thanks.
He told me that now they will have more team work time together. He suggested me to move out to start a new life.
I do not know waht to say, I just can not believe it.
Sould I make him choose btw the co-worker or his family?

reading, thinking, reading....
Right now, I do not know if its worth to keep him.

I try to think our past, I do not remember why we like each other so much? Because our independent life style? I had whole bunch friends. We go to each other's social group a lot. I play my ball games with my friedns, he play his soccer with his. The recreation activity we did together were camping, hiking, walking, and go to some concerts.
How does this apply with Mr. Harley theory?

""He is having an affair for reasons that have nothing to do with you, period.""

Why? I did not figure out his needs, I did not care for him so much after we have kids. Aren't those the cause?