Shaddap, Larry.

I suppose that doesn't sound right either...

Anything sounds better with an English accent. Classes everything up, including insults!

pk

Well, except Jack Wood playing Max Brannon.

Well heck I threw that out there and nobody bit.

Jack Wood is the voice of the Geico Gecko. Max Brannon is a character Jack Wood plays in a Brit soap opera. Ol' Max is a Cockney womanizer.

Larry

What the heck. New Husband is working as a mechanic here in town. Lady calls me tonight wanted to gripe about a repair he had done to a car. I said, a)I didn't understand what she was talking about and b) wouldn't comment on New Husband in any way, form or fashion. I wasn't rude, I just didn't comprehend the car repair or why she was calling me.

I still don't understand.

Larry
Marriages are for love, divorces go on forever, ever, ever. . .

Talked to teacher today. She wanted to review the meeting as spring break has kept us from talking about it until now. She wanted me to validate how she handled it and of course I did. She got bright eyed explaining how when NH tried to dominate the meeting, she took it away from him and put him in his place with some well directed remarks.

Of course I told her she did fine. I didn't bad mouth NH. Not my place and I said I had no comment on him, period. I told her I was proud that she handled the meeting well and that I had noticed some benefits in son already. In other words, I praised her, ignored the issue with NH and I think I did good.

I did explain that the issues over Primary and Joint Custody and time sharing had all been resolved with my X to my satisfaction and that X had covered the real deal with Nurse if she wanted to talk to her. Teacher said she would just for clarity. She had that look on her face of anticipated gossip.

Nurse called me today and was excited that she called me.

She needs more meds. I said I would handle it.

Larry

Kudos to you, Larry, for rising above it!

Indeed!

Glad to hear of this, Larry.

pk

Thanks to both of you.

Keep in mind that in life, no good deed goes unpunished.

I get a call last night. Oh boy! And around and around the merry-go-round she goes. But I was calm, reasonable and had the self confidence to disagree without being disagreeable. Finally, she backed off. It was all about me sucking up to son's teacher and my son telling her she needed to divorce New Husband and her estrogen based memory that allows her to remember every time I did something that annoyed her. See Dr. Harley's comment on the latter.

Something happened with my son six to eight weeks ago that caused him to start acting out. What was it? That was my focus, and I had no interest in her confessing all of my sins so she could feel better, temporarily. I like that line. It set her back on her heels so we could address my son's situation.

After the call, I sent her a detailed email listing all of the stressors on son and suggestions how we could help him. I also said the the war with New Husband was not something I had started, but in the interest of son, was something that needed to be stopped by whatever means and I was more than willing to sit down across the table and my only condition was that I was not interested in controlling him and would not permit him to control me.

No answer yet.

I did say that I was very afraid of an ex-wife who might change her personal narrative so that she could justify whatever, especially an attempt to take my son away from me. That hit a nerve for reasons I will keep to myself. I have fallen in love with observations on the concept of personal narratives.

Anyway, after talking to my buddy, I felt better about everything. He said I didn't sound angry, just a bit sad but that I was in control of myself and thus was engaged in the healing process.

And of course I mentioned that co-parenting was hard enough without the added stress of doing so in an atmosphere where I was not allowed to have a conversation with my co-parent because of jealousy on the part of New Husband. In Dr. Phil's words, "How is that working for you?" In the case of son, not well, not well at all.

Lemme provide an example. For some time, son has been able to have better and better control of his stool. Concurrent with his outbursts at school, he has lost ground on the former. She wants to start giving him enemas again. I had another approach. And she found out a few things she didn't know and she is now thinking more in favor of my suggested approach. She got her approach from a doctor, who naturally thinks in terms of procedures. I got my approach from a shrink who looks at alternative ways before procedures.

Can you imagine the added stress on my son from going back to enemas? I shudder to think.

Marriage is for love: divorce just keeps going and going and going and going . . . (sarcasm alert)

I am really, really trying hard to do better.

Larry

It is difficult. X calls to discuss son. This slides into way more information than I wanted. After that, I get the deal on new baby (girl), which broke me up some but not in the way you might think. I was happy for her. I know how much it means to her.

In my joy, I said, "I am so very happy for you. After all, I couldn't give you what you wanted. And I really want you to be happy. That's why I let you go. Oh, sorry I said that, I have to go now. And I hung up.

As info, both X and I have recessive gene for Hirschsprungs.

Co-parenting in a divorce can sometimes be a visit to hell.

Larry

Oh man, Larry, I know it's tough. You're in good hands, though.

Thanks, I needed that

Larry

//rant alert//

Well heck. Why is it that women file 70% of the divorce cases in this country?

Why is it that everything in a woman's world boils down to "It's his fault?" I really don't understand. Are men THAT evil>

Problems with my son. He seems to be having problems with New Husband and wife denies it. He is doing better at school except in one area over his Hirschsprungs and Nurse mom wants to start giving him Miralax. OMG, that would make it WORSE.

When I protested and listed all his stressors, she fires back this personal attack. How can a woman who married some guy and lived with him happily for years all of a sudden re-write history and blame him for her CURRENT problems that have nothing to do with him.

Yea, I know the answer.

Women need to go to relationship school if anyone ever figures out a curriculum. Men expect women to be experts on relationships, and you ain't.

//end of rant//

Larry

I'm sorry this is continuing to make you unhappy, Larry.

Your post is not very clear. Why do you bring up the 70% divorce figure? Didn't you file for divorce? I know you must be making an argument here, but I don't understand it.

When you say you protested and "listed all his stressors", were any of them to do with living with a stepfather, having a new baby on the way, or any other things that his mother might have seen as blaming her and the new H? Could that be why she wrote back with a "personal attack" that rewrote history?

I'm not saying that she is right to attack you or denigrate your marriage, just suggesting that she might have seen that you did those things first.

A lack of good judgement and maturity seem to be characteristics of your X, from the way you describe her. She seems to have had a chaotic marriage before yours, then an affair in your marriage (common, of course) and then quickly married a not very suitable man, adding stress to the existing problems. She is like that, Larry. She is not terribly sensible and wise (from what I can see). It's not surprising she writes silly and irrational things.

Just try not to do anything similar yourself. Were your points about your son's treatment wholly to do with his medical/physiological needs, or did you discuss the new marriage and H?

SC

I promise, I swear, I pledge:


100% devoted to medical/physiological needs. Plus I added a section per Pep about making peace with New Husband. My son has been complaining lately about him. I didn't say that in the email. I did list the stressors on son and that is what she used to segway into confessing my sins. She took it the way she took it.

I wrote back two emails, one dealing exclusively with my son and his needs and focusing again, with more detail why I wasn't willing to go forward with her plan for giving him Miralax. I used medical terms since she is an RN. The other email stressed that she doesn't control me, I don't control her, I only control myself and that co-parenting was hell on earth if the parents don't focus on the now and not the past.

SC, I said that it serves no purpose in my son's best interest for either of us to twist the past to make our present look brighter. Venting gives only a temporary relief and doesn't solve a darn thing. I also made mention of putting on her big girl panties to work with me for solutions, not recriminations.

Anyway, the bottom line is that she waited a few hours, then sent back an email apologizing and saying how full her plate was now, etc. I believe her. She vented at me because of all her problems. She asked me to back off of her since she was emotionally unable to take it right now. She also dropped an off the wall comment and I knew what it meant, directed at letting me know she is trying to solve some of her major issues.

I felt better. I wrote her back apologizing and said I would take care of son, don't worry about it, focus on what is weighing you down and tomorrow would be brighter. I wished her well. And I emphasized that co-parenting son after divorce was problems enough for me and thus I didn't want to fight.

SC, my name is Target. It seems to work that way. Reminds me of 26 and her husband. And I didn't cheat.

Thanks SC, I am doing better (most days).

Larry

Nothing new here. I haven't been yelled at lately. My buddy the shrink says she sounded embarrassed with her apology, as well she should have been. He also said she yelled at me because it was safe. WTF? He had to explain that one to me.

My son is doing a LOT better in school. He is getting his star of the class back. I am working with him on weekends on his reading. He may only be kindergarten, but I learned to read at six, taught myself, so I could escape into another world. He can learn too. And he likes doing it because he wants to learn to read the computer game instructions Whatever works.

Been going to a lunch (free) each day sponsored by the local churches. Trying to meet more people. It is working, somewhat. We shall see. Today, we had a stem winder and I loved it. He was full of amens and hands in the air and all the good stuff I grew up with. The one yesterday was boring, but there was a huge crowd. Today, not so big a crowd, but a fire and brimstone, stem winder pastor. Even had the handkerchief

I am a member of no church, but I go to different churches just to hear different preachers, priests and pastors talk about God.

Larry

Picked up son yesterday. He was excited. I went by before New Husband got home from work, at X request. Son's excitement was not lost on X. I kept my distance even though it looked like she wanted to socialize. She was very, very cordial. That is a good thing, I guess.

Life goes on.

Larry

Interesting conversation today. I seems that the call that woke me up at 12:17AM was way off base. X was given a ticket for a messed up yard, which humiliated her. New husband had not used his time well between arriving here and finding a job, about what, four or five months? Female police officer talked to X about son being by himself or with his siblings and no parental supervision, plus problems at school. X thought I started the mess. I didn't.

But I found out today that the yard thing was someone getting even with New Husband for being an arrogant jerk and the son being by himself was reported by a neighbor to the school. I got a call from X to go to house and p/u daughter on the way because she and New husband were in another town. Oldest was supposed to be there for son when he got off bus, but was somewhere else unknown. What a mess. I got there as soon as I could and told the guy that I was dad and just heard about it, and thanked him for his concern. He said he called the police, but as it turns out, he really called the school and then the police.

And the school deal was New husband throwing his weight around and they didn't like it. The police officer is plugged into the school big time. At least there is now a trail that leaves me out of it. Thank goodness.

Oh, and I found all this from a friend of the police officer, who volunteered the information. I listened and thanked them for their concern. I said I was all over the school to work with them and that the yard wasn't my problem but it used to be. I really, really made an effort to keep my mouth shut and my ears open.

Larry

Saw my X for the first time in a good while today. She isn't working tonight and therefore kept son, who was NOT happy since Friday is his day with Dad and he let her know about it.

So I went over to get him. He was out the door like he was riding a rocket. I sent him back inside to get a game so I could talk to the other two, who were also out the door quickly. Then wife comes out the door with my new next door neighbor who took his son over to her place to visit with my oldest boy.

We all stood around and talked for a bit. It was all very pleasant. New husband was either hiding inside or at work.

Daughter told me when her next concert is and I have it marked on my calendar to go. Oldest immediately says she will fall down and break her flute. Ahhhh sibling rivalry.

As an effort to "clear the air"...

It took us awhile...but we did find it on the web.

Would you care to answer a few questions about the case and/or explain how your marriage with your xw wasn't an affairage?

Mr. Wondering