What sort of a puppy are you going to get?

Get a mini doxie. They are hard to train but very loyal little babies and bark bark bark to protect you.

The females are especially protective, to the point they'll try to feed infants themselves. (Yes...this happened with my mini doxie)

We have a Husky, Shepard and Lab mix. He does all the husky stuff and is wonderful. Son got him as a puppy two months before my wife passed. She at first was like,"Another big dog!". But after a couple weks she said he was the perfect family dog for us.

He is really smart, sensitive and kind. We got lucky with this mix breed. heis territorial and has great pack instints but doesn't attack everyone who walks by the fence. Nobody can get near the house without him telling us all about it and he knows his place in the pecking order. You can allways tell if he does something wrong because he has a good memory also. Can you tell that I like him? LOL I was mad at my son for bringing home a dog without asking me and expecting me to takecare of it. I am an animal lover, not a worshipper. Son has taken great care of him tho and he gets regular vet visits. I can't stand ppl who abuse animals or don't take care of pets.

If anyone out there has ever owned a husky, (My daughter has one too she got a few years ago), you will understand this..


I saw a bumper sticker on an SUV the other day.. It said..

One Siberian Husky....

LLL I am very glad that you are recovering from WH brain fart activity. In the back of my mind I wish he would come to his senses and crawl on his knees to you and you could forgive him and recover your marriage. It seems he is to insulated with the legend in his own mind of who he thinks he is for that to happen. There is no fool like an old fool and this crap he pulled was just to easy for him and I have to say you are better off without him. Makes me wonder how much of this guy was allways just an act.

Peace and tranquility to you and may all your relationships from now on have passion and truth be their foundation.

Oh, did I have an interesting evening last night. One of H's colleagues who I have been friendly with for years called and wanted me to have a casual dinner out somewhere. He's a very nice guy and lost his wife to breast cancer about two years ago. Now don't get excited.....he's 72 and retired but still active (university gives office space and library privileges for research to emeritus faculty)and a very bright guy. Retired faculty can participate and be a presence as much as they'd like although can't vote in faculty meetings.

I think he's probably lonely and also he's called a couple of times just to check on me after he heard what's happened. Anyway, I thought it'd be good for both of us to get out. So, we talked and talked and ended up sitting for 3 hours. His take on what's going on is very interesting.

He's been around H and also OW because she's finishing her degree and still around university as student and research assistant. He finds her to be a user. He says she's very opinionated and doesn't hesitate to interject her thoughts even when they are not requested. He says most people find her overbearing. However, she doesn't assert herself nearly as much if my H is around. He also thinks my H acts irritated by her presence at times in the department when she's around.

Anyhow, he told me he is of the opinion that both H and OW are stuck in this relationship which is not all roses. H is stuck because his relationship with her is public enough now that to try to undo it and return home would make him look foolish (as he is). Also, he's involved with a student against university policy (although they do nothing)and if he makes her angry, she might have a basis for a sexual harrassment suit.

OW on the other hand, is also sort of stuck. My H is her advisor and she's within striking distance of finishing her degree and also needs his good graces to get recommendations and inside help with jobs. If she makes him angry, some of these perks will not be so easy to come by. Then there is also the money angle. My friend thinks OW has no money and H is helping her. If she dumps him, her lifestyle goes downhill.

I guess I hadn't thought about how these two may have really gotten themselves into a relationship difficult to leave, not because they're really in love, but because they are entangled.

It was nice that this man cared enough about you to check up on you and give advice/opinion/his wisdom on the matter.

Most people run like green apples from these situations (you know-- like the University's stance). Most only want to gossip behind your back for entertainment.

Nice to see that some men have integrity... To bad they have to make it 60+ years on earth to learn about it!!!

If you are looking for a reason as to why your STBxH is WW... stop looking. (I mean hey, she sounds like such a charmer.) I don't think there are reasons. Please tell me that this is not a psychology department. That is all the world needs - more C's who have no morals.

He is going to wake up someday.

Barbie, you're right. This older guy is sweet and very insightful. I am not going to tell you which department this is because I've probably already revealed too much info on this site and fear I'm getting to the point where H and I are identifiable.

This older man's take on what's going on with H makes me sad. If its in any way correct, he's really boxed himself into misery. However, he's a smart guy and he made the choices all by himself. I don't get it and never will, but I will go on with my life and be happy.

Hi LLL,
I think is pure lust...that's all and maybe also what your 72 year old friend suggested...but at 72 he might have forgotten that lust plays a big role. Hence your H's discovery of heart problems...probably related to the need to take viagra.
Nobody forces anybody to be together. He easily left you after 29 years of M and could easily do the same with her only if he wanted to or if the thing became to burdensome.
My guess is that the sex drive towards OW is still very much there....for a little while more...
blessing

I so agree with you on this. I get so angry when I hear that waywards are into something that they can't get out of. Why can't they get out of it? They seem perfectly capable of getting out of a marriage by just saying that they don't want to be married anymore. Why can't they get out of an A the same way? They easily get out of a relationship to a person that they vowed to love, honor, protect etc. A person that they have build a life around, have a family with and on and on an on. Yet they seem incapable of ending a relationship with an A partner to whom they owe absolutely nothing.

I don't get it.

Yes, they are perfectly capable to end the A and the reason they do not is because they do not want to.
I think we picture these WS as suffering and being so unhappy with OW etc...
I do not think this is the case. While in the A and while fogged up...they are just fine and dandy with the OP.
They do not give an ounce of thought to the WS.
See we think they do because we do think about them (in my case a lot...) but they do not think about us.
Someone who is caplable like my H and LLL's to leave a M without looking back pretending BS is dead...that someone does not dedicate a minute of his day to the BS. He is totally into himself.
I had a few phone sessions with Steve Harley over a year ago and he told me that WS are intoxicated with themselves. All they think about is "me me me" and OW often does not matter in terms of the way she is, looks etc..She is just a fantasy and they believe in that fantasy till the bubble bursts.
Then, if it does burst (because some, very few, do marry the OP) then maybe they will reconsider the M...or maybe they will look for yet another person especially if the fog never lifts.
WS are just one thing: selfish. They do not love OP they only love themselves..
blessing

Hey barb, I resemble that remark about having to be 60 to have integrity...

Just joking with ya.

I agree with you that this friend really was concerned for you and was interested in your well-being and not feeding the gossip mill.

Also I had to laugh when he described her as opiniated and a loud mouth. I bet she runs the show with WH even though she is willing to back down enough to stay in his good graces. She sounds just as I pictured her to be by your description and her actions. Politics doth make strange bedfellows does it not?

Its great also that the rest of the faculty probably understands whats happened just like this guy does. It must make you feel better to know that they see WH as a idiot too and you with integrity and self-respect. It would me.

I have this rule for trusting people that allways seems to prove itself for me. If someone I am talking to gets extremly upset or agitated frequently I view it as a fear they are reacting to. I mean in cases when its just conversation when its opinions shared and there is no apparent danger. People say stuff like "their just emotional" or "excitable" but to me they are unstable. Seems like WH got involved with one of them. Maybe she didn't start out like that. She probably was spinning her web, but after he boinked her,(boinnked is a funny word isn't it for that?), she had him over a barrel and brought out the bucket of sand.

Come to think of it now... Man its been a long time.. I was dating a girl when I met my second wife. The girl used to call her "Spider woman". She used to tease me and tell me she was spinning her web for me. I was foolish enough to believe because I allready had a failed marriage that it was all my fault and I was allways a guilt magnet so second wife webbed me by encouraging me that it wasn't my fault that first wife cheated or had OC while married to me. I was a tough sell but she seemed so convincing. Then after we were together long enough she used that same weakness I had to manipulate me.

Thats the problem we face huh? Should we expose our weak underbelly and fears to others? Will they use it against us after the romance fades? Can we trust them? I'm convinced that most people become impatient and calloused after the first "save me and ill save you" romantic crap passes. After they think they have you they look for what they want. So childish and selfish unrealistic and irresponsible.

Bah!


Well H is getting a good dose of what his ego sold him. You don't have to wait till he is sorry, he allready is.

Wonder how far he would get selling you that he left because he wanted to "protect you" from the problems he brought on himself? I wonder if he is that dumb to think it should make it all better when he wants to come back? Im sure he wishes he never got involved with "The black widow"

Yes atena I have to agree.

They are feeling sorry for themselves in the first place. They don't see or apprciate thier spouse anymore as a valuable, deserving, important human being that deserves respect because they give themselves to the marriage too. They don't wanna work or even like to work on themslves. They lost sight of the promise of love when they got in thier own way because of thier selfish lazy entitlement issues and boo hoo-ed themslves into a worse place than before.

Then they do the same thing in the next relationship. I read the statistics years ago that most people who leave a relationship because of problems gravitate to another relationship with the same problems. They blame the poeple they are with and don't attack the problem. Now they are another relationship and continue to feel sorry for themselves. Misery loves company.

I find it a great diservice to people to feel sorry for them when they lie and cheat and know better.


Oh yeah Chai, Marriage laws and vows are less respected than pirating videos. Everyones got an excuse and we are expected to believe them.

I like the saying "Divorce is not an option" . I think it gives us a buyers attitude and the issues then will have to be worked out or you will live your whole life with them.

PPl are full of excuses...

again, I do not know if they are in a worse place than before...we will never know.The biggest problem is pride. They have lost face with the whole world due to exposure and they know darn well, even if they feel entitled, that deep deep they have done something horribly wrong.
Also they know that the price to pay to R the M would be too high because the BS will expect xyz from them...that's too much energy and work....
WH like mine and LLL's are stubborn people who, once they make a decision, rarely look back even in the face of disaster.
I am sure my H feels the he involved OW in his problems and life and that he own her something so he is probably a lot more patient and understanding with her. He is also no longer in love with me, angry at me for exposing etc..
So is LLL's H angry at her for the exposure. They are telling themselves they did the right thing to leave BS because we are immature and can't act like "adults" and accept that those things happen....I can almost hear my H say that and the fact that he was sooo unhappy for sooo long...He deserves all the happiness he can get, and boy is he glad he does not have to be with me!
blessing

Like I said Atena.. He feels sorry for himself.. Ah who needs it!

yes you are right at the beginning I was thinking...no he is just selfish, but yes they do feel sorry for themselves for all the years they have been so unhappy and misunderstood..for all the fun they could have had (with willing OWs, my H's words) instead of saying no for the family's sake...poor drama queens...and we sucked it up for years...I did.
blessing

What really sucked also was how when you get your heart broken by them and react, like get depressed or frustrated they find a way to blame you for it lol. If you call them on it your a SOB and YOUR being the baby.

I just say to my kids now, If other people ar epushing your buttons and will not make sense or be fair you have to get to the point of saying, "Ok you are living in bizarro world, when you want to come back and live here, call me"

Its too bad that I couldn't keep that attitude with WW and her crap but I was wrong to put up with it even if I was trying to show my kids AND her what love is.
I just showed them that people can only take so much. I didn'y pit them against her but stuck up for the truth when she spun her stuff.

Everyone regaurdless of how strong they are ha a breaking point.

She was raelly a troubled person, they could see that in the end. She could be such an awesome woman and Mom and just couldn't come live with us on planet earth. Where people work and bills get paid and everyone deserves respect.

Because it's an addiction. Marriage isn't an addiction -- it's a commitment!. Marriage means going through the downs as well as the ups. It means growing old together.

None of this is obvious in an affair. The chemical mix is so strong that common sense and forward thinking is overridden.

Having been addicted to alcohol for many years, I can so relate to the addiction issue. I am grateful that there was help for me with that as well as with the turmoil caused by my WW's affair. There is help for waywards too, but as with any addiction, the addict must want the help -- it can't be imposed on them!

Yes fred and you can be proud of that too. Nobody can make those changes without wanting to. I have teetered on the edge of addiction in my life twice. It took an inventory of consequences both times as a 17 year old kid and a 46 year old man to come out of it. I now can't see how it ever had a hold on me but I respect the fact that it did. Addiction emotionally is just as damaging as chemicals and serve the same master. Our feelings.

Feelings are supposed to serve us as we make good decisions not make us make poor ones as we "follow our heart".

Hey LLL,

Now that everythings settled I hope you can come here still and touch base with us.

I understand that it might be a negative trigger but I think its safe to say you know how to work through those.

I also beleive that you will be a positive encouragement to many women who find themselves here. Men too.

Talk at ya later

I will check in.....this is a good place to be sometimes and also, I'm now hooked on how some on this site are doing....I worry about them!

I'm fine. Seeing friends, getting well into my jogging again. I think since I know H is not going to get ugly in the divorce I have really relaxed and am ready to live the good life. I have been talking to 3 friends who are interested in going to Europe in May if we can get all our work schedules and reservations set. Having fun debating where, but I think we're going to spend time in Italy....my favorite place.

I have to say I don't think things are going nearly as well for H. A friend ran into him and said he looks terrible, very drawn, tired. Don't know if its his health, his reputation or his new life partner.....maybe all three. He chose this.

I'm glad I didn't hang on hoping for better days. I think I still would be mired in muck for a long time with OW fighting for her influence over him. Yes, I lost my marriage, but I think for me the healing will be better after making a clean break from the madness he was dragging me into.

**edit**