Hi All.....

I'm back! I have had a crazy schedule for the last week and a half and just haven't had much time to check in! Thanks for asking how I'm doing.....

I'm going to have a QUIET weekend....put on my comfy clothes, play with my babies (dogs of course) and kick back. Life has been busy but good. Good stuff happening at work and also have been having lots of good times with friends who take me to dinner, call, keep me occupied. My sister clucks around like a mother hen and so I feel very cared for by all.

One occurance of note. My soon to be X was hospitalized due to chest pain from calls I received by his colleagues. He never contacted me, so I did nothing. I'm hoping his girlfriend cares enough about him to help him through whatever is going on, but I know he now has his own place, so for all I know he's alone. Even though he's treated me like I fell off the planet, I hate to think of him ill and alone, but this is his choice for his life. He fired me as wife.

I have been asked out twice in the last week. While it would be fun to go to dinner and a movie or theatre or whatever, I don't think I could do real dating where some type of relationship is expected. I don't want complications, emotions, game playing, etc. I would like some male companionship if you know what I mean, but am NOT willing to get involved with anyone and I'm not into one night stands.....so.......

Anyhow, I'm here with my guys, got my fuzzy slippers on and have a fire burning, wine, tv and my laptop. Ah......

I never did the dating scene, I mean the kind where you are "shopping" for a relationship. I've allways had girls that were my freinds but kept away from the ones who wanted more than friendship, if you KWIM. I guess in a few years I might spend time with someone for companionship if I have like interests but anything that looks like a date? rofl. Who knows what the future holds?

I know I have other more important interests and am looking forward to them anyways. Besides, I am looking forward to maybe some colledge and a peaceful social life without drama. There is allways something to do.

I believe in the saying

"There are three kinds of ppl in the world. Those that make things happen, Those who watch what happens,and those who wonder what happened."

Its up to us to live the best wecan with the cards we are dealt

To do the dating thing just seems strange to me. I guess its cuz I never have felt in the position to shop for relationships. I remember when I was younger after my first marriage some idiots I called friends telling me how I needed to loosen up and go out and party...and me being more of an idiot to try. Well I learned my lessons. I'm much more secure and grown up now,(I think) and at least I know what I do and do not want. I am just getting my life back and its looking better every day. I will be alright but bouncing back at 52? It is something I will not take for granted.

Sorry to hear about WHs hospital time. I am sure if he really needed you to do something for him you would have. If it was within reason. You don't seem the type to lower yourself outside of human decency even if he did. But I think you have been burnt by this fool and am glad you are doing well dealing with it. He didn't even have the decency to treat you like someone who deserved to know why he left. What a scum,(soory).

Really good to hear from you, Enjoy the doggies, your very caring friends, sister and the fuzzy slippers.

Six months after my XWH left he had a massive heart attack. I didn't hear about it until almost a month later, and I only heard about it because his atty told my atty. I struggled with whether to contact him or not. I had a friend call to see if he was OK, and by then he was doing well.

I am now glad that I didn't contact him. If he wanted me to know or wanted me to come he could have called me. Bottom line, he is still with OP so I made the right decision.

How are you?

Hope everything is going calmly for you! lol

Good morning! Thanks for asking about me. I'm doing fine. Working, socializing, getting ready to travel to Europe with friends in June. Divorce should be final mid-to-late May according to attorney. Have heard zero from H. OK with me. I'm trying to move on and have my down moments but must be greatful for the wonderful things I have in my life.

I can honestly say I'm so happy I'm not being dragged down by H and his crap right now. I don't think his life is probably wonderful from what mutual friends report. His health is not good, he's professionally not the king anymore since his antics are widely know and grad student he is having affair with is not the most enjoyable personality. I'm actually feeling sorry for him and his screwed up life.

Don't feel sorry for him. He made the mess himself after all.

I'd expect he'll soon be trying to make nice....

Would appreciate some input here to see if I'm just a heartless b____ or I am doing appropriate self-preservation.

A long time close buddy of my H called and wanted to talk to me last night. I figured it was about H and was right. He is extremely concerned about H having serious health problems and also being isolated and possibly depressed. He says H is living on his own in apt and still is involved with his grad student. However, he is concerned with H not being on his game at work nor does he seem happy.

I told H's friend I'm sorry but H made choice to cut me out of his life and I have never heard anything from him other than third hand in regard to divorce arrangements in almost two months. Friend said he thinks H is too proud to contact me and I again said I'm not sure what I can do. I will not try to interject myself into H's new life when he has so completely cut me out of his life and made it repeatedly clear he didn't desire me in his life anymore.

Friend says he understands but is very concerned about H's health and welfare. I told him I don't feel there is anything I can do. I will be divorced in about 3 weeks and H has never approached me in any way about not wanting that divorce.

It was upsetting but really.....there is no way I am going to H and telling him I'm concerned, anything......I think his friend is frustrated but what am I supposed to do? I will not initiate contact. In the end, I told friend maybe he needs to be talking to h's grad student who is now his "partner".

I can't add a thing to what you said, 3l. As usual, ya done good.

Plan B is for self preservation. It is to protect you from H's actions. To help you keep your personal recovery going strong.

If this guy calls again, cut him off. Politely say you "are not interested in hearing anything about H, and to please respect your boundries." Nuf said.

(do not say "I am sorry", or listen to the "story" first.) I really fail to see how this is your problem.

In your own wise words. The more you think about it/him the worse for you.

Ladylonglegs, you are my hero!

LLL, your H is seeing another woman. His illness did not prevent him from continuing his A. So it should not prevent him to contact you and ask you to R the M if that is his interest. Pride or not pride...
Pride can be dealt with if we fell strongly about someone or an issue. Obviously he has decided to kick you to the curb. His actions have consequences and his health is suffering.
I agree, next time this friend calls politely tell him to inform OW about H's needs.
I admire you.
blessing

HELP PLease!

Fist of all I was driving and I saw OW driving her can with H sitting in the passenger seat (he has no licence here in the country where we live now) It was like a dagger in my heart.
I then went to visit a friend of mine, Mary, who just had a baby and whose H, Mike, works with me and my H. He used to be a good friend of my H but for a while, after the separation and the A, H did not talk to Mike.
Well Mary tells me that about a week ago my H came to her house and wanted to talk to Mike so H and Mike went for a beer and Mary said that when Mike came home Mike said that H talked a lot. Htold Mike that Mike was the only person he was going to confide in about the details of his separation from me.

Mike told Mary only this: Atena's H feels judged by everybody at work and wanted me to know his side of the story about the separation. However he told me to keep this confidential and I will not tell you anything otherwise I am sure you will tell Atena.
What do you all think? What game are Mike and H playing (if any?)
Is H trying to cover his a$$ by telling a bunch of [censored] to people as there is really no justification for the way he behaved...or is he finally feeling that OW is not enough and that he needs to have friends he can talk to..
or is he planing to move in with OW and wants to prepare the ground for it?
Blessing

LLL, good boundary setting. And to second barbiecat, cut the friend off before he has a chance to tell you what is going on with H.
Heartless [censored]? Not at all! Self-respecting grown up woman!

Sounds like he was trying to guilt you into contacting WH. Kind of sad. You have done what you needed to for yourself in this sitch. I don't think you should feel a bit badly about not jumping to WH's rescue.

Agreed... you have nothing whatsoever to say to that man who is WH. Why would you care about HIM???

Perhaps if your DH had reappeared early on, remorseful and repentent, you MIGHT care about him, even if you couldn't stay married to him, but no one blames you for not caring about WH. That's not a cold heart, it's a smart heart.

Thanks everyone....the more I ponder this, the crazier it was for H's friend to come to me. I am not the one who left, who cheated, who's essentially become a phantom. I had to adjust to H's total abandonment and taking up with student. Now this friend wants me to try to help H???? Wow, he must be as foggy as H. What would make him think I could have any impact, and why would he think I would embarrass myself by trying to reach H and convince him to change the way he's doing things?

I'm going to make a bet with all of you. Grad student/OW graduates around end of May. I bet once she's done with degree she will run fast and far from my H. Even if she wanted to break up with him, right now she needs him to sign off on her completion of degree with no hitches. When she no longer needs him to get that degree.....well.......who wants a 58 year old depressed guy with heart problems?

Sorry LLL that I, by mistake posted one of my entries on your thread.
I guess friends get in the way and should actually mind their own business. They are as foggy as WH. I agree.



Because they are feed cool aid by WH. Who know what your H told him about the reason why he separated from you. They spin all sort of bull. However, I admire you for saying the quote above. Why would you want to convince H to change the way he is doing things? You are truly inspiring. I am going to repeat that to myself as I need it very much. I do not seem to have any sense of pride or self love..!
blessing