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Become as honest and transparent as you possibly can.
It will take a few months for things to feel relaxed and kind of normal again, and a couple of years to have a good marriage, and then you can eventually have a super-duper unbelievable marriage.
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Since your BH is on board with MB, you might consider contacting the coaching center. They can put you on a clear path to begin restoring your marriage. Do you think your BH would be willing to do this? Even if he isn't at first, you could contact them on your own for now.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Princess....I hope he will continue on MB with me. I will definitely start on my own.
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Turtle...it's hard to imagine that right now, but I hope so. Thanks for the advice.
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Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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My BH just sent me a message asying he wants to meet with the OM and his wife. What do I say?
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I would agree to meet with them.
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I would agree to meet with them. x2
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I dont know if it is a good idea if you go with BH when he meets the OM. Maybe just let your BH hand deliver the NO CONTACT letter on his own.
Of course he may feel uncomfortable without you there, and if he asks you to go I dont see why not.
Should see2 go with BH or not?
Last edited by Wheels_spinning; 03/25/10 12:43 PM.
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Well you see WS, S2B's BH has been on MB before. I don't know in what capacity, but he obviously knows all about MB and the concepts and principles. It is possible that S2B's BH would like OMW to find out about the A and he may want S2B to apologize to OMW as well.
I think it would be a HUGE step in R the M because your BH is asking you to do this for a reason. He may just want you to see the devastation that you have caused. This is a small step that he is asking you to do and it may be a test to see if you are really committed to R. IMHO
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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My BH just sent me a message asying he wants to meet with the OM and his wife. What do I say? It's his call. Agree.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I don't remember what his username was.
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bliss...i told him i would do whatever he wanted.
pepper - he's not home but will be later. I will ask his username then. he had previously cheated and had a child with another woman, before I came along.
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I've only been talking with this man for ONE week, and never saw him in person. Does that lessen the crime? I am not in love with him, nor him with me....honestly, after a week? I know that doesn't mean anything to my husband and I will try to not focus on that aspect, but rather do what I can to repair where we are now.
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I've only been talking with this man for ONE week, and never saw him in person. Does that lessen the crime? I am not in love with him, nor him with me....honestly, after a week? I know that doesn't mean anything to my husband and I will try to not focus on that aspect, but rather do what I can to repair where we are now. There's your answer.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 03/25/10 02:42 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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pepper - he's not home but will be later. I will ask his username then. he had previously cheated and had a child with another woman, before I came along.
What are their ages?
How much face-to-face contact does your H have with the Mothers of his (various and sundry) children?
How much face-to-face contact does your H have with each of his individual children?
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Pepper - I have 2 kids, he has 3. we have none together. He only has contact in court. One was his ex wife, the other is the one he cheated with. He doesn'g get any face to face time with his kids anymore.
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He doesn'g get any face to face time with his kids anymore. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. FOr those 5 years, he's been in family court fighting for his kids from a previous marriage, to no avail.
Last edited by Pepperband; 03/25/10 03:03 PM.
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Why is that relevant to MY actions?
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Why is that relevant to MY actions?
The character of the man you place in the home with YOUR children is relevant ... at least, I think this matters. Don't you?  Well, if he was denied visitation due to some grievous offense (ie; abusive in some way) ... it IS relevant to your own children.
If he was denied visitation due to abandonment ... it speaks to his character.
If he was denied visitation because of some criminal activity ... don't you think it is important for YOUR children?
Why don't you want to reveal important and relevant details?
It's pretty unusual for a man of good moral character , who is willing to spend money in court costs trying to become a better parent ... it is unusual he NOT get visitation of any sort !!
It's a  unless there is some sort of reasonable explanation. (to me anyway)
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