I agree with all of what stillhere has said, especially:


Larry

Okay, question for everyone!! I got to Iowa last night. This morning I woke up to 6 texts from my WH. They were saying things about how he missed all of us already and that despite everything that has happened in the past he still loves me. And he just needs to figure out how to reconcile it all in his mind. He said I don't deserve a piece of sh*t husband right now b/c of the fact that he is in turmoil over past lies and decisions. Then he went on to say that he desires me and wanted to make love every night but didn't want to take advantage of me when he is not fully committed because he is a man of honor. Then he mentioned baby names he likes.

Okay, so is this typical wayard behavior for the first night? Oh, he also drank a whole bottle of wine that night b/c he said he missed us so much and knows in his heart his family is supposed to be with him. Well, guess who he has been calling and who has been calling him non stop since yesterday? You guessed it: VAMPIRA.

How should I handle this? All I texted back was that I know he doesn't want to be like this and that I love him. I told him that I believe God wants our family together and happy and that I would be praying. I told him I have faith that God will restore our marriage. I asked him to pray and to read the word and really try to connect with God. Should I ignore the fact that I know he is still talking to her everyday, sometimes multiple times a day? I really really want to watch this affair break up, and fast. I know exposure is the first step. I have done that to some extent, with the families. But I have not exposed at their work. I am scared about what will happen if I do that. Is there anything else I can do right now?

Just don't own his decisions:


fog babble. . .

What can you do now? Train yourself to reverse babble. He says the above, say, "I am sorry you are dealing your past, I am dealing with your present."

He says, "I love you and want to be with you," You say, "That is great and I am sure once you are in no contact with that woman, we can talk about it."

He says: "She is just a friend." You say, "I am sure she is a really close whatever. But she isn't part of my family. Sorry, I didn't agree to marry her."

It is too bad you don't have a source to find out all about her. I would bet dollars to a donut hole she has a really interesting one.

Larry

You Plan A from afar and you snoop but don't let on that you know that he is contacting her. If you let him know, he will just go underground. Exposure to their workplace should be done as a part of the stick of Plan A. Take care of yourself. You need all of your strength.

And while plan Aing from afar you take the positive things he texts and says to you and expound on them and use them as a cue to make love deposits in his bank.

Text back

I want to make love with you every night, all night too.

I like the name _____ and the name ________. Aren't you the clever man? You sure are thinking of great names!

Etc.

Don't mention OW when you can avoid it. Yes, let him know you are willing to create a great future with him.

When he mentions OW you can ignore the comment or as said, respond how there is room for only two in a thriving marriage. There is no room for a female friend in it. He knows where you stand on her already. His addiction and fogginess will shut down each time you mention the need for her to go and so......don't let most of your communcation contain her.


Do not let him know you are keeping tabs on his communication with OW. That is power of knowledge that you don't want to loose!

TB,
I think you have been great advice on doing a short Plan A followed by a dark Plan B.

It sounds like you are doing a great w/the carrot part of Plan A, but you also need to start thinking about the stick.

It sounds like you have enough proof of the A. You have phone/text records of constant contact and your H's admission that he spends lots of time with OW and that he "loves" her, is that right? Do you have access to your H's email or FB acct? Are they FB friends?

Also whose name is the cell phone in?

You do need to expose to the place they work as trainers.

To the 'big boss' who owns the facility they are based at.

Your WH will be very mad about his fantasy relationship being challenged and could get nasty with you and you just ride that out as calmly as possible, not taking the venomous bait he will try to lay on you.

It is possible the big boss will not care. Your H will hear about it though and whether it is a 'right on stud guy worker' or 'your a bad boy' from the work out studio owner....it messes with the fantasy a bit.

Okay, thank you all for the great advice. As far as exposing to the workplace-how should I do it? Should I call his manager or should I just write an email or something? Could they both lose their jobs over this?

Thanks for the help. She is an actress so that is how I have some information about her. I have googled her. She even lies about her birthdate. She has a facebook page but it is set to private and you have to her "friend" to get any access to her page.

Also, I am really nervous about exposing to the workplace. Couldn't that drive them closer together?

TB- you need to take that name off of there. You could get into trouble for that.

Some days you gotta laugh.

born November 13, 1980; Tallahassee, Florida), also credited as Cathy XXXX, is an American actress. In 1991, she graduated from the University of Florida in Gainesville, Florida with a Bachelors of Science degree in journalism.

Lemme see, graduated from UofF in 1991, born in 1980. Wow, few make it through college at the age of eleven (11).



Larry

I would write an actual, physical letter to mail via US Post to the boss.

Simply state that your H and OW are in an inappropriate relationship. That you are his wife, you want to save the marriage but the OW is in the way of that and you have moved back to Iowa to await the birth of your child in the immediate future.

Matter of fact and yet firmly stating that you are the wife of the WH and are hoping for attention to this matter.

Then, yes, they could loose their jobs if the boss gives a darn about such things. They could be driven towards each other BUT it would be in desperation to hang on to the fantasy and wouldn't strengthen their 'love'. YK?

Yes, WH will be hissing, spitting mad if boss talks to them. That is good. Means he is typical wayward following wayward script. You keep cool and don't take any cruel statements as fact and to heart. It is expected. I heard doozies from my WH after exposing and I went on to do a really good plan A until I went dark to B.

ooops, didn't realize that! eek. I took it off.

Okay, sounds good. I am going to start working on that letter. Just a question, what has it been like being in plan B, the darkside I take it? Did it work or are you still going through it?

That's okay. Just looking out for you. That mistake has been made here before, and I am SURE it will be made again.

I am still in it.

Been in it for 6 months.

First, it was horrible. Grief. Despair, Sleeplessness.

Then, with time it became okay.

At this point I rarely feel those dreadful feelings because I am reclaiming myself as a person and love it.

I am hopeful for the marriage but only cause I am in B and out of the drama.

Since you are about to have a babe, I suspect that B would be even tougher for you until you recover a bit but make sure when you DO go into B, if you don't lure your H back before that with A......your doctor knows the personal crisis you are going through along with childbirth!

Hey there, yes I think I have enough proof of the affair. Do I need to have these phone records to show during exposure to the workplace or does that matter? Also, yes he says he "loves" her as a "friend". Obviously he does not really love her and she is not "just" a friend. haha how stupid does he think I am? As of now they are not FB friends. She has emailed him but I do not know how many times. Same with him emailing her. I used to have his password but he changed it shortly after I had moved to California with him. I have no idea how to break into his account anymore. I can't download spyware b/c now I am in Iowa. The cell phone is in my husband's name. I have the password to log in to our online account and he doesn't know what it is. So that is how I keep tabs on how often he is talking to her over the phone. He knows that I can find out any time I want and doesn't seem to care about me knowing.

I hope that everything works out for your marriage. Is your WH living with the OW or just living on his own and still in contact with her? Or, I guess you might not know that information since you are in B right? Isn't going dark going no contact? I don't know much about B because right now I am in plan A. I am hoping and praying that with this new baby coming and with him being all alone in a 2bedroom apt by himself, without his wife and kids that he will snap out of this illusion quicker than usual. He called me today and sounded pretty down. He said he didn't like going home and would rather sleep in his car. He tells me he doesn't like the way things are right now. I just kept a positive attitude and said that we don't like it either and that we hope this will be over soon. Meaning he comes back home as husband and father and will get the help we need to recover from this. I know that he will have to really understand what he has done and take the full responsibility for it. I hope that will be sooner rather than later. I am hoping God can do a miracle with my husband. I also understand my husband has to be willing to be open to God and right now he seems like he's not there yet.

Dr. Harley suggests a few weeks Plan A for betrayed women and as much as six months for men. I am not sure why, but I trust him.

After Plan A, then Plan B.

Larry

I know why I only needed a few weeks of Plan A. Near the end, I had to keep reminding myself that I had an enddate or I would have thrown his stuff right out the door and never looked back. LB's would have come spewing out of my mouth and that would have erased all of the work I had done up until that point. Maybe men can take more abuse without going loco. I know that wasn't true for me.