Hey Huskerfan just wanted to tell you WW lie and they almost never tell the truth. Good luck in trying to get your life back.

The only thing I can help with is telling you GO BIG RED. I am also a big husker fan and wish you the best. Remember Bo knows best.

Also all kidding aside I wish you the best. This is the worst club in the world to be in.

Hey IHadEnough,

Where is your story located? I am 4 weeks on from finding video clips of my wife (on her computer) doing things with some guy which she never did with me. This was after close to a year of no sex. I threw her out the same day, and she thinks I owe her something. I am terrible conflicted. Would like to see your story.

Lost and down, please start your own thread. Many here would like to offer support for what you are going through. Stay strong.

Yes start your own thread but for you and huskerfan1 here it is:

Now like in my case I was doing some traveling for a job. I lost my job but I did get a severance package where I was earning 8 months of salary. I got an offer to work on the east coast and fly back home and my wife wanted me to take it so I did. She started her affair before this and she did not work since she talked me into quitting her job and I agreed so she could be with the kids.

So I was being paid for 2 jobs and making good money. After a month of all the travel I told her I was going to quit since I was still being paid for my other job and she freaked out. Right then and there I assumed she was having an affair since she did not want me around the house. I was so stunned by our conversation I asked her if she was sleeping with someone? She freaked and said no and I told her it seemed like she did not want me around anymore. She again said she was just worried for our family. I told her then that if she is screwing another guy she better enjoy it because our marriage would end and I would cut back n what I do. She assured me nothing was going on.

I am in IT. I recorded my land line phone and got a key logger. Also after I got a ton of evidence I got video since I knew she would be in our home with him. She tried to lie but the more she did the more evidence I would show her. She did not want to admit to the sex but could not deny it.

My thinking was if I was that bad a husband that she needed to sleep with another guy then she deserves better. If I was a decent husband then I deserved better. She tried to accuse me of cheating but that did not go far.

When I busted her affair she had plenty of good reasons.
1. I was gone all of the time traveling for my job.
2. I didn't give her enough attention.

Both of these were true I guess. But she started cheating before I started traveling and she withheld sex all the time to punish me. The kicker was her friend had slept with the OM first and told her of the great sex with him. He was very well endowed so she raved about how great it was and my wife I guess realized she was missing out and so when she had the opportunity she took it.

I messed up things for her filing for divorce and ruining her love trip to Vegas. I told her after she flew out there that I was filing for divorce and shut off my phone so she could not talk to me. She flew back the next day her love fling was there in Vegas with her.

So I did divorce her and am glad I did. I do not believe that a guy should take back a woman who sleeps with another man. My XW knew this but still had the affair. So after the divorce she still to this day would take the marriage back if I would let her come back but I don't want her anymore. I knew I could not forgive such an act and she knew that screwing another guy would end the marriage if I ever found out.

Anyway in a nutshell that is my story. The video was hard to overcome. It didn't matter in my case but it just confirmed that our marriage was over for me forever.

LostAndDown only you know if you should even try. My XW thought I owned her a chance and that I needed to accept it but I did not owe her squat. And if your WW thinks you owe her well I would just tell her she can go tell someone who cares.

I have no idea why a wife wants to screw another man but stay married. It makes no sense to me. I just see no reason to be married if that is allowed. I know others forgive but I will never allow a woman to treat me like that.

That is my story and as alwasy huskerfan "Go big Red"

Well, just as a new person here too, sometimes I get intimidated by some here, only because they have been thru a lot more than I have and they are most likely more realistic.

Bottom line you concern in any desired confrontation should be with you wife and not from someone in the past.

It is not at all how many times they did or did not have sex. Does not matter, an affair is an affair is an affair. It is much much more about who you are now and your role as a husband, and the need, if you have that truely, to know from Her, not some other guy. It is much more about your future together than some other person from the past.

This is not exactly advice from MB, but just from my experience. Do not let another day go by in not at least telling her you love her, if you still do, and as her husband requiring her to tell you what went on and to insist on her telling you where she is now. That is just the common sense regarding an exclusive right of a husband to a wife an vice versa.

Stay close to several of the people who post here regularly. Look at all the advice given to you, but stay close to those who make sense to you. Read some of the stories here. That is what did help me in the beginning because simply there are many caring people here.

And just simply, and I still feel uncomfortable in giving guys a hug, but yea, ya know what so maybe I am Brett Favre giving his receiver a hug on the field so a Hug.

Your deal is with your wife. She expects and deserves exclusineness - in my opinion - the secret to a good and lasting marriage. By contacting to OM you would be breaking that.

Good Luck, a pat on back and shoulder, and good fortuane, but please do not leave.

Tom

Dr. Harley has advanced the notion that not all affairs end in divorce. He has also noted that many do. He is okay either way it goes. For those who want to recover, he has a plan and if both husband and wife adopt the program, it can have amazing results.

Grown ups make their own decisions and it takes two to have a relationship. Divorce or recovery is a choice, and the choice is up to both parties. If one says no way, then that is what will happen unless they change their minds.

Then there are guys like me, who gave it a go and at the end, it didn't work. Well, the affair was only part of why it didn't. When you have kids, sometimes you must try. I do believe that many couples survive the affair and can point to folks on here n ow and in the past for whom that happened and they are happy. I can also point to couples where it didn't work.

Larry

Thanks for a WW's point of view U233sws, it does help a lot.

I have decided not to contact the OM and at the time of the affair the OM and his wife were in the middle of a divorce. I have her contact information as well, but I have never contacted her and I am not sure if I should. What does everyone think?

Also, I doubt my wife will ever remember the dates and times like I do. However, should should remember the number of times right? I mean if it is not in the hundreds of times or something. She told me they had sex twice, once in the back of a car and once at a hotel. Apparently both times a condom was used and it was only missionary. I doubt either is true.

Anyway, I am 99% sure it was more than that. I am having trouble accepting that, even though as others have pointed out, one time is bad enough, why does it matter if it was 10 times. I guess to me it does, simply because she would still be lying to me to protect herself, rather than laying it all out there for me to get over.

If I am not getting too personal here u233sws, and also any other WWs who want to chime in, in the heat of the moment are condoms used, is missionary the only way you do it? Should I just assume that any time I cannot account for her during the affair time period she was out having sex with OM? Did you trickle truth for a long time or did you tell everything all at one time to your BH?

I am extremely confused. I want to reconcile so badly, my wife truly is a beautiful person (outside this obvious deviation from our marriage vows). I know my wife is torn apart by all of this. She has been trying really hard both as a wife and mother over the last 3+ years. She is probably still trying to protect herself from further shame and all that. Is Grace the only thing I have to offer in all of this mess?

If I am not getting too personal here u233sws, and also any other WWs who want to chime in, in the heat of the moment are condoms used Depends - if the WW is not on BC they may use a condom but it won't be to protect against STD's, just pregnancy. Or, if the WW is trying to make a new husband out of OM, she may intentionally try to get pregnant., is missionary the only way you do it? No.Should I just assume that any time I cannot account for her during the affair time period she was out having sex with OM? No. OM's schedule and willingness have a lot to do with the frequency of the encounters too. So, you might find out more info by also asking questions about OM's work and personal life. Did you trickle truth for a long time or did you tell everything all at one time to your BH? Sadly, yes, I trickle truthed things to my H during a 2 month FR. After DDay #2, I did the sudden tsunami of any remaining truths.

As you might imagine, it is extremeley embarrassing that I have first hand knowledge of this stuff. I don't find it theraputic at all to share this info on here. I am doing it to attempt to help you fill in some of your blanks.

I still think the polygraph might be the best bet for you. If your W is truly repentant and wants R for your M, she will submit to it enthusiastically. But after you get the results, you gotta resist the urge to keep reliving all of it.

I hope I am not giving bad advice or doing the wrong thing by giving you a glimpse into a wayward's activities. The vets will correct me if I am.

I always read these threads with interest because I had no desire to know how many times, what position or when. I had all the info about sex that I needed from explicit texts during a one week period including that oral sex and intercourse had been involved I also knew that they called each other "Baby."

I only wanted answers to a few questions. I asked if he loved her, if she had ever been to my house, when it had started and if he was willing to stop seeing her immediately. It took me two weeks to ask her name and six months for him to tell me her name. That ended up being the deal breaker for me. No name, no R.

God's Blessings,

Say

((( SAY )))

Thanks, Pep. It seems like forever ago and just like yesterday.

God's Blessings,

Say