to kingblue, i am unclear as to what you wanted to convey to me. Your post makes it seem like you think I had the affair, not my wife.

LostAndDown,

Kingblue was refering to the thread starter doubtful not you.

You should start your own thread and see if the folks here can help you.

Go to the front page of the Surviving an Affair forum and click on New Topic at the top left hand of the listed threads.

Hi Doubtful,

Just briefly, alcoholic, in recovery since 1992 except for relapse early this year, wife short affair, that is complicated.

Look you, I realize that you may now feel beaten over the head. The first thing, I want to do is welcome you with open arms no matter what you say or no matter what you have done. This is Larry's idea, and quite fankly now doing this sort of welcome when someone is hurting, it feels good to me and takes my mind off my own situatin.

That being said, simply my advice, and as many have said, call your local AA and start your journey.

Also, read others' posts here to get a flavor of how others are trying to deal with their life situations.

If you feel like leaving or signing off here, just plain do Not. In my short time at this site I have seen others post their grief, concerns, and tribulations, and then they have left like a few days later.

Up top you...

Tom

I read your story and boy it hurts to read it. I can read it and feel your pain through the screen. I really feel for you and I can tell how much you love your husband. It is too bad that the drinking and the affair have ruined your life. It must be very hard for you.

When my XW had her affair I divorced her right away. Sometimes it is too much to ask to forget the image burned in your brain of your wife having sex with another man. In my case it was a video my friend had set up in my room to catch what she was doing. It was very difficult to get over that. In my case I would not have divorced her if she would not have slept with another man but that is a line that I will never allow to be crossed. Sleep with another man and the marriage is over.

I would assume that your H is like me in that regard. And even more than that to walk in and see it would be way to much to overcome. I saw some video and it was horrible I assume that walking in and seeing his wife and hearing her sounds while she is having sex with another man would be so overwhelming. So I can see why he is struggling and why you are having such a hard time.

You obviously need to stop drinking. Also your affair went on for a year. Now you could have been drunk maybe the first time but drinking does not cause a yearlong affair? You also not only had an affair but you were in your own home having sex with another man? Gosh for a man there is nothing harder to get over.

Did your husband know the OM? How did it go on for a year? How often did you hook up with the OM? Now when my Ex said she drank to much and had the affair I asked her some questions like �How come when you are drunk you do not try to have sex with your children or your Dad if you cannot control yourself?� The booze does lower inhibitions but usually for things we want to do but may not act on without the alcohol. So I was just wondering how a yearlong affair happened. Was this an affair where you had to devote a lot of time to the OM while ignoring your husband?

Well anyway I just wanted to ask some questions and to give you some info from a guy who has been there. I hurt for you and hope things turn out ok for you.

To answer your questions, the affair originally started bc of the loneliness I felt bc of my drinking. My drinking had pushed my husband away from me and into the arms of a coworker, in whose eyes I could do no wrong. Stupid, I know. So I can't blame it on my drinking...I can't really blame it on anything but my selfishness and immaturity. I did ignore my husband at times to be with the OM and I feel terrible about it. At the time, I was too obsessed over the affair and addicted to the OM and my husband wasn't my #1 priority. It's hard to think about that time. I hate myself for what I did to our lives and how I treated him over the past year.

It's difficult facing the truth, but I told him that I would not let his pain go in vain and would work on making myself a better person, all around. I'm about to head to my first AA meeting to finally face the issue I have been neglecting for a few years.....the issue that has turned my life upside down.

Start a thread and tell us your story, Lost. We'd like to help you.