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Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Exposure makes the infidel furious
stay calm
breathe
no one can stay furious forever ... being furious is exhausting ... consumes a lot of energy ... let the furious infidel fume and exhaust his/her self
YOU stay cool
You will hear:
"That's it. We are never going to stay married after what YOU did."
"I am moving out now, thanks to you."
"You are getting OP in trouble at home."
"Now our kids will have a broken home thanks to you."
blah blah blah
You respond to all the raging comments: I am still holding out hope for our marriage.
You stay calm
You don't argue
You don't explain
You do not preach
You do not educate
~and~ you do NOT apologize for standing up for truth and marriage and keeping your family intact
YOU calmly re-state your belief that there is hope for the marriage ....
if things get out of hand ... excuse yourself and go for a walk or a drive ...
remember ... exposure makes the already foggy spouse act insane ... but it is temporary
![[Linked Image from emoticons4u.com]](http://emoticons4u.com/trans/fahr10.gif)
you know it has been effective if the wayward gets pissed off.
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This is what happens when you start multiple threads.
It's not incumbent upon someone else to figure out where to post responses to your questions.
Stick to one thread, please! I don't understand what the problem is here. I asked that the threads about my situation be combined and they were. I have continued to discuss my situation in the thread for it. This is a request for specific information about EXPOSURE - which seems to be a complex and deliberate process. All that happened was - I was reading someone else's story and wanted more info about EXPOSURE. Just because people assumed I was starting more threads to talk about me doesn't make it so. What's really awful about this is: In my OP, there is nothing to suggest I am asking about anything other than "can I please have some links to info about EXPOSURE."
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There is more...
The following link contains links about exposure.
This is an old discussion.
LINK to WATs thread
Excellent stuff, thanks! Wondering why the search ("search our site") comes up "null" for "Exposure."
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Wondering why the search ("search our site") comes up "null" for "Exposure." 
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Once again, Pep comes through! I understand that it is hard to find specific directions sometimes and we do have to simply ask or pick things up piece by piece. I am glad my thread was of some use to you.
-SOL
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Wondering why the search ("search our site") comes up "null" for "Exposure." My bad - I'm not a sneaky / deceptive person by nature; however, I am willing to learn.
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Once again, Pep comes through! I understand that it is hard to find specific directions sometimes and we do have to simply ask or pick things up piece by piece. I am glad my thread was of some use to you. Still following it. I am amazed by your patience.
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My bad - I'm not a sneaky / deceptive person by nature; however, I am willing to learn. Chris, It is NOT sneaky/deceptive to snoop. It is HOWEVER, SNEAKY AND DECEPTIVE to have an affair. You are not doing any newly BS any favors by continueing to call snooping sneaky and deceptive. That is the same pile of malarky that BS's hear from their WS. The sure as heck don't need to read this on forum that is design to HELP them through a very traumatic experience. Dr. H ENCOURAGES newbies to snoop.....IT IS NOT A WRONG thing to do.... not2fun
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I understand and respect the POV; however, my mind has not fully grasped / accepted that philosophy on snooping.
Most of us learn all our lives that snooping is wrong.
Thanks in advance for your patience.
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The Difference Between Secret And Private
Private matters are those traits, truths, beliefs, and ideas about ourselves that we keep to ourselves. They might include our fantasies and daydreams, feelings about the way the world works, and spiritual beliefs. Private matters, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, give another person some insight into the revealer.
Secrets, on the other hand, consist of information that has potentially negative impact on someone else-emotionally, physically, or financially. Secrets, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, cause great chaos or harm to the secret-keeper and those around him or her.
Private: I believe in reincarnation.
Secret: I have a wife and a mistress and neither knows about the other.
Private: I got terrible grades in high school.
Secret: I forged my medical degree.
We do recommend snooping to uncover secrets that will effect you, and until you know what those secrets are .... you are trying to make decisions without the facts!Private .... Closing the bathroom door to do "bathroom business".
Secret .... Closing the bathroom door to have a conversation with the adultery partner.
The Difference Between Truth and Honesty
Truth is empirical, demonstrable fact. Your bank balance, today's date, whether or not you're married.
Honesty is about feelings. If you're honest, you are open and clear about how you feel. You can be truthful without being honest and you can be honest without being truthful (the latter a little more difficult). The best relationships, stating the painfully obvious, are both truthful and honest. Trust is built on both truth and honesty, tempered by the proof of predictability and reliability.
Can you see that snooping, in order to uncover adultery-related secrecy and in order to discover the FACTS about your own life and marriage ... are not wrong? This snooping is on par with snooping to uncover whether or not someone stealing from you.
You cannot effectively work the MB plans during a spouse's adultery if you are guessing about the facts.
Why would you want to guess about the facts of your own life?
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Doh - I was using "Search our site" rather than the forum search.
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