I had to read those again because I believe it apples to me / my H.


OH...be sure to read this again:

ROFL!!!!

You sent a chocolate chip cookie assuming her CN (cookie need) was for chocolate chip. But what if her CN is white chocolate macadamia???

Lame? Yes. Did it make ME laugh at myself? Yes. Am I shutting up now?..........

STOP POSTING THE COOKIES! Don't you know I'm in spring training?

Geez.

Thinkinitthru:


He spent the morning doing something home improvement wise in the main bath. Then came down to my office and talked to me for a bit. You're right..no apology. But it's hard to stop being angry about it! Yes, I'm trying.

He did elaborate more on his conversation with his mother and more on how he felt totally left out/abandoned/rejected by family, friends, acquaintances, me, etc. (yup, I rejected him big time last night..told him I was DONE!)

I listened, tried my best to affirm. Asked if he wanted to hear any of my thoughts at this time. If not, that's ok. I know how it feels to just want someone to listen and sympathize. Suggested he go to the gym for mental health benefits. He was already feeling guilty pissing away his morning doing home improvement (I was a bit ticked about this too, but I think he's carrying enough guilt over it himself without me dumping on him too).

Offered to send him a copy of my blast email I sent through LinkedIn and also a link to the government website Chris posted (thank you again, Chris)

Right now, I'm going to use my lunch break to go to the gym!

How could I be so thoughtless...

Please accept this token of my sorrow -->

Have fun @ the gym OH...

Question:



Huh?

That's not a waste, IMO...Though I understand there is a higher priority.

OH, please use the link for yourself too. You will not be sorry if you both get a Federal position - I can't get into any more detail than that Email me if you have specific questions or need help with any applications.

OH, for years your marriage and your life has been weak...like a house of cards, one thing falls apart and you all fall apart, lose your home, etc.

THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOUR FAMILY!

Because you can both ride the waves of conflict and he might see the need to get a job himself. So he can eat and have a place to live.

Use this time wisely. I would not be getting so nicy nicy with him when he has been selfish and stubborn and lazy for 12 years while you and the kids suffered thru his laziness and abuse.

Since you have put up with him not working (why could an adult man not work anyway?) NOW it will be harder going thru this transition.

But NOW is the time he CAN FINALLY WORK A JOB, QUIT THE DRINKING AND ABUSE, and BRING MONEY INTO THE HOUSEHOLD

I would nicely tell him, "Honey, it is your turn to work now, I am staying home!"

How does taking that approach align with MB principles Bubbles?

I'm still thinking of you OH, and my apologizes for the cookie comment...though I really liked my white chocolate cookie. Virtual cookies have no calories!

Of course, my "virtual exercise" burns no calories.....

In the absence of wisdom, I offer my obnoxious humor.

It is open, honest, and not an LB. If she says it with a smile they can have a POJA conversation about it.

They forgot to POJA her working and him staying home. How MB was that? Now they can restructure the POJA.

Enough explanation for you?

Wait - you're saying this is O & H and not an LB?



I am a relative newb, but that doesn't look like O & H / not an LB or even POJAing to me....even if it's said with teeth showing.





Not really.


Help me out - I am trying to learn everything I can about MB.

Thanks Bubbles!

LOL, Luri...not obnoxious to me...thank you for the two smiles I got from your posts today.

LA

Luri, your post made me smile as well.

Chris, I have Bubbles on ignore and only usually read her posts on other threads. It's like a tape recording anyway...I know what she'll say.

I passed along the link to H and he's going through it now. I've already seen some interesting stuff...I'll email you.

Update on my LinkedIn blast. The response has been unbelieveably AWESOME! Amazing what happens when friends, former co-workers and associates know you are looking again. I've got some work to do tonight to finish polishing up the resume, look at some website postings and get in touch with contacts emailed to me by my contacts. Even if the link/advice/suggestion is not ultimately what I'm looking for, everyone deserves a kind response.

I'm also an admin of a LI group. So tonight, I'll send my blast that way as well.

In the meantime, I am in major CYA mode at work. Keeping a very careful record of my activities. Following up on some stuff that our sales team had fall through the cracks and hey...they threw me under the bus last week...I made sure upper management was copied on my innocent follow up "what's happening with this lead; the contact has called and emailed me twice looking for your followup" email.

Chris, I cannot imagine that it is POJA or MB to say "I'm staying home now, you have to work." That's making a unilateral decision, and an unenforceable one at that.

What I *would* interpret as POJA and MB is to say, "I need for us to re-negotiate the financial and job situations in light of these new pressures" and "I have a deep need for you to contribute $X or X% to the family's financial support so that I feel secure. How can we work together to make this happen?"

(Long term MB'rs please correct me if I'm off base here.)

OH - that is great news about the Linkedin! By all means, pls email me. I will help you however I can. Being smart @ work is smart. You don't want to have anything happen...

TAC, that's what I was thinking. POJAing is a discussion of mutually satisfying options, not a unilateral decision delivered with a smile.

OH, you are smart the way you are handling things at work. I have gotten to where I cc the principal anytime I email anyone about anything school-related.

When I was "encouraged to resign," my first thought was, "Now DH HAS to find a job and finish school." I made this very plain to him in a very non-MB way. It did not go well. And instead of making me feel "vindicated" for all my years of full-time work while he was in school, I just felt like crap for picking at his manhood. So though I can understand very very well your long term frustration being the breadwinner, I learned the hard way that I just made myself feel worse by using it to point out H's "shortcomings." You are too smart to do that, I know....but I wasn't.

I'll say this. Right after the big bomb got dropped, DH didn't seem to be of much help. Turns out he was worried about me and he was so mad at the school he didn't really trust himself to react. He also knew I needed to finish the school year, and he wasn't sure how much venting was good for me and how much would just send me into a spiral. I thought he just didn't care or was only worried about himself. That was my big DJ. I really do think that men and women are different in a lot of ways, and we aren't going to get the same reaction out of our precious DH's that we would get out of a sympathetic girlfriend right away.

I think you're right Luri. I know I tend to take my husband's (non) responsiveness (or else his "let's fix this NOW and let me show you HOW" attitude) as not caring about me. But they think differently. A female friend would sympathize and make all the right "clucking" noises.

Eggsactly.

Still doesn't make me feel all lovey-dovey towards him. ::Sigh::

Any suggestions for what to say about budgeting, job hunting and planning I like TAC's suggestions but I'm open for more brainstorming.