Something else to remember: Waywards have a tendency to conveniently overlook things in their AP that they wouldn't normally be attracted to because it smacks too much of reality and would disrupt the fantasy of the A, where the AP is their perfect soul mate.

Example: My FWH hates hates hates lip gloss and chipped fingernail polish. I guess it goes without saying, what xOW wore.

Wow, this place is fantastic. I only posted shortly ago and, already, look at everyone here who is trying to help me. Amazing!


The cellphone records were easy, actually. H's cellphone is a Roger's Wireless and, although prepaid, all transactions made through his phone are still available online (including prepaid). I simply logged into his Roger's Wireless account and checked all of his cellphone activity through there. By all means, I had to work hard to figure out the password but, with determination on my side, I finally did figure it out and got myself logged in without much of a problem. And yes, I took screenshots of this activity, too, and saved it to a secret file where no one else can find it (but me).

As for the screenshots themselves, no, I don't have a keylogger (or anything like that) I simply use the screenshot option on my keyboard. I'm not 100% sure but I imagine most (if not all) keyboards have this option. The screenshot key is usually near the top right of a keyboard (top row, very near to the right) and usually says "prt sc" (meaning, print screen) on it. When wanting to take a screen shot, simply open whatever page it is you want to take a shot of and press this particular key while that page is still open. Once you have done this, head over to your "paint" accessory and click the button at the top of the paint page that says "EDIT" and a box will open up. When this box opens up you will see the "paste" option and, when you do, give the paste button a click and "whalla", your screenshot should now appear in your paint program. Now, you can "save" this screenshot by simply saving it to your "pictures" (or wherever you feel best to do so) under any file name you wish. Once saved in a safe place (where ONLY you can find it) you will now have it handy for if/whenever you need it.

Coincidentally, I am off to go take some more screenshots now but I will be back to keep all updated.

Thank you, everyone, for being here for me and, of course, one another in general. What an incredible "lifeline."

This is good info for everyone - thank you! I forgot that option was even on my keyboard!

I would recommend making backups of the files somewhere other than on your computer, as well.

Awesome! I wouldn't have thought that kind of detail was available with pre-paids. Very good to know (not that I ever think I'll need it, but others may)

Okay - I knew about the print screen tool, but that will only work if someone can get into the FB account (I couldn't when the EN was going on) and you will only be able to get shots of what's still there, not any messaging that's been deleted. I used a keylogger that actually took screen shots every few seconds, so I was able to see all 'transactions', even those they deleted right away. Very revealing.

Yes, it is. Helped save my marriage!

You can also "paste" screenshots in to a Word document.

If you want more info, check his messages in his facebook inbox. They will also use the Facebook chat feature which he might not delete, but you can oonly look at it when the OW is on. Otherwise a keylogger is best to record the chat in Facebook. Steal his phone when he is asleep and forward their text messages to your email, if he has text. More than likely he will also do about 50-200 texts a day to the OW.

Change email passwords so he does not have access to your email, or set a new one up as a place to save all this info. Send documents there, pictures, copy his Facebook chats, everything.

Protect you, your kids, and your finances. Plan ahead and do everything they tell you here.

Sorry to see you here, use us if you need to vent, there are a lot of emotions swimming in your head, and this is a great place to get good advice, and encouragement.

Keep checking and watching and get a plan. Hubby is obviously telling his parents and OW bad things about you. Take your time and don't make any sudden decisions.

Oh, yes, I know for sure now that my H is, indeed, spreading lies about me. At first, I only suspected it but, now, it's been brought to my attention by SEVERAL different people. These are people (some friends of ours and some of my family members) that H speaks to regularly. I just learned through my BIL that my H "IS" planning to kick me out of the house and leave me with nothing...NOTHING! Admittedly, we don't have much (asset-wise), but of we do have, we have a house. Unfortunately "that," (the house, as some of you know from my first/second post in this thread) is currently listed under my H's parents' name, showing "them" as the owners. Oh, I am so scared right now I am beside myself. To make things worse, I cannot find ANY information, anywhere, to prove my H and I are the actual owners of the house. Everything (all banking) has always been done strictly by my H, without me having any control over any of it. From what I have been able to gather (going on what I "think") I believe that my H has been giving his folks cash to cover the mortgage payments and then they, in turn, would deposit the cash (physically) themselves. In otherwords...no paper trail to prove who the REAL owners of the house are.

Another thing brought to my attention today is that H "has" been spreading MAJOR lies about me and cutting me down in a way that makes me feel like vomiting. He has been telling everyone that I (me) never do any housework and that I leave the house a mess and that he has to clean everything up when he gets home from work. Lies, lies, lies! He's also claiming that I have him on a tight reign, saying I never let him go out when he wants to go out or let him do anything he wants to do. All of these are complete UNTRUTHS and I am absolutely devastated that he could do something so cruel to me. I never keep him trapped in the house...NEVER! Heck, I always offer up ideas for GOING OUT; "wanna go out for dinner tonight, hon", "care to go for coffee with your friends," and on and on and on. Grrrrr, I'm not only devastated but, yes, downright angry, too (and it is VERY hard to get me angry).

Anyone have any ideas of what I can do to protect myself financially and from seeing the house getting swept out from under my feet?

Wow, I feel like I am caught in a tornado right now. How hurtful can some people be? I don't get why/how anyone could be so mean, I really don't!

Adulterers lie about their relationships with their spouses in order to justify the affair. Just remember, it's not really your husband telling those lies, it's the alien that has taken him over.

What he's doing is exactly why exposure needs to take place as soon as possible, and needs to include EVERYONE. He is setting up his defense, so that when you expose his affair, he will just say 'see, I told you she was (awful, crazy, nuts, fill in the blank)!'

As hard as this is to understand, he's not really being mean to you. He's protecting his 'drug' and his ability to get his 'fix'.

I wish I had some sound advice regarding your financial situation, but I'm not an attorney. You will probably get some good advice from other who post here. That's the power of this forum - there are a lot of very smart people from all walks of life and from all educational and experience levels. And we all have one thing in common - we care.

You might check with an attorney, but the house being in his parents' name is a problem. You didn't get ANYTHING from them in writing? How long have you had the house?

So anyway, the OW is meeting some kind of need that you aren't. Try to figure out what it is and start meeting it.

Could hubby be angry that you are working online?

I think that he's just trying to use her working online as some kind of excuse to paint her as the bad wife who is cheating online.

OR...he got scared that she was checking up on him!

As far as getting kicked out of the house...check into your state laws about that. In some states, I believe, you can't just be kicked out or locked out without some sort of eviction proceeding taking place, which could take months.

Try pressing and holding down the ALT key before pressing the PRINT SCREEN key. This will capture just the window that's open, not the entire screen.

We bought the house almost ten years ago and it is the first home we ever owned. No, we don't have anything in writing from his parents' (or at least not that I know of). Because of the way my DH was raised, he, in his own way of thinking, believes that all financial stuff should be taken care of by the "man of the house" and the man of the house ONLY (ie: no input from the wife whatsoever when it comes to stuff like that). I guess you could say he follows very old fashioned "rules" and that's just the way he is and has always been. His parents' are exactly the same way, the lady of the house has no real say in any decisions and if she so much as tries to influence a decision in anyway the men become very defensive/upset/etc and immediately put a stop to a woman having "her say."



Funny, I have been wracking my brain on this one but, yet, still can't figure it out. I have read (and re-read) the EN's on here so many times now that I almost know them by heart but, from what I can see, there is not even one that I am not meeting so I'm still in a complete fog.


That actually crossed my mind several times and I have even asked him about this before. According to DH, "no," he has no problem with me working online and he claims that he is GLAD to see my trying to make it as a writer (my dream ever since I was a child and one that DH has always encouraged me to continue with). However, I really can't say for sure because maybe he's just not being totally honest with me. He's a tough nut to crack, that's for sure.


I can't help but agree with you, most especially after what took place last night. Out of the blue, my oldest daughter (18) decided to "come straight out" and ask her dad if he has been spreading lies about mom (me). He completely denied her allegations at first but, being as stubborn as she is she did not give up trying to get the truth out of him and, finally, he caved and admitted that he was, indeed, spreading false accusations about me. However, even though he did admit his wrong doing, he refused to apologize for it and, when asked "why" he would do such a thing the only answer he could come up with was "I don't know." Then, he covered his ears and said, "no more, this discussion is over" and that was the end of that.


However, getting back to my "supposed" online affair, "this" is still the excuse he gives and the one he gave last night as to why he fell out of love with me to begin with. He said that for months and months he believed I was having an affair (and admitted that it was friends of his who influenced him to think this) but he didn't know how to bring "it" up to me. So, for many, many months he kept his feelings bottled up allowing his resentment towards me (for "cheating") grow until, sure enough, he learned to almost completely despise me, which brings us to where we are today. Everytime I was working online he, in his own eyes, could only see me as "cheating" and those beliefs just grew and grew overtime until he learned to "not be in love with me" anymore. In addition, he says he now knows I was NOT cheating (he supposedly figured it out about 6-8 months after he first assumed it) but, even so, his resentment towards me had already grown so large that, now, this is the only way he knows how to look at me...with pure resentment and no love. This fact, alone, hurts me in such a way I cannot even begin to explain.

Anyway, that's my update for now. Hopefully I can bring better news next time but, somehow, I'm really doubting it. Blah!

TandC, what state do you live in? Some states are considered "dower states", which means a spouse who isn't on the deed to the property still has an interest in that property. I am in a dower state. My name is on the deed to my house. If H and I were to want to divorce (ain't gonna happen, we're doing it the Marriage Builders way ) he would have to sign the deed going to the new owner in order to release his dower interest. If he were to refuse it would require going to court for me to be able to sell the house.

The only other things that extinguish dower interest are death and divorce.

So if you're in a dower state he ain't got squat as far as throwing you out. The pig.

I think (double check me) the dower states are Alabama, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, New Jersey, Ohio, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia and Wisconsin.

I'm not in a state, actually, I'm from British Columbia, Canada.

Ready to pull my hair out by the roots because of all this; a great life/marriage/family DESTROYED...over nothing but a very incorrect assumption. Boggles my mind, I must say. I've never felt so confused.

TandC, you may still have rights to the house under the Family Relations Act in your territory. I think you should be ready to get an attorney.

Listen. Watch my lips: This has NOTHING to do with an incorrect assumption! It has nothing to do with YOU!

TandC, you need to start snooping.

Okay, hang on a sec - I just reread one of your posts and want to ask you: Did you buy the house after the two of you got married?

NOT over an incorrect assumption!!!

Over your WH having an AFFAIR and trying to cover his tracks!!!!

NOT YOU!!!!

Uh-huh. I found it. In British Columbia, anything that exists for family use is considered a family asset and has to be divided. Your family home is a family asset. He can't throw you out of a family asset.