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Good news!
Could you go back through your thread and answer the unanswered questions, please?
It's just polite, when folks put in time and effort reading your story, thinking about your situation, offering advice, and asking questions, that you respond. If you don't want to bother responding, that's okay.. but be prepared for folks to stop posting on your thread, too. They generally go where they can make a difference. Where the thread owner is involved.
Plus it helps folks give you much more effective advice!
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i learned that my habits were done with out effort that they were automatic behaviors that were problematic and destructive.
the eye opener was how different habits are from instincts and how my instincts had a part in me developing these bad habits
i am still reading and taking ifo in not sure how i am going to put put all this in place to woo my wife back
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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if i call here up and ask her what i can do for her today she will say nothing i did ask her what will make you happy today and she told me to be on a beach and a bottle of moscato. so i went on line and found a beautiful beach pic and a pic of moscato. i emailed it to her and she called and said thank you and that it put a smile on her face
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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now i am trying to be her friend and gain her trust back. it a very hard thing i cant ask certain things cant do things if i offer something she refuses i dont want to be pushy i dont know i have been keeping up my relations with the kids which was never an issues i suppose we do more things now since i only really see them on weekends
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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Nal:
"What can I do for you today?"
Wife:
"Nothing."
Nal:
"Let me know if you think of something."
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i thought of that but then also thought that it be lame on my part lol guess i was being silly huh ?
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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you say that is good news ?
her having peace and closure means its a new beginning ?
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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i only really see them on weekends
(I think it is better to call with these requests, rather than email, because she gets to hear the sincerity in your voice if you call)
"Do you need any help with the kids today?"
You can vary the message a little.
"Do the kids need any school supplies?"
Or
"Can I pick up anything from the market for the kids?"
NONE of this is "pushy" if you accept a "No thank you" gracefully.
Eventually, this will become a new positive habit for you. 
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if i call here up and ask her what i can do for her today she will say nothing i did ask her what will make you happy today and she told me to be on a beach and a bottle of moscato. so i went on line and found a beautiful beach pic and a pic of moscato. i emailed it to her and she called and said thank you and that it put a smile on her face That's nice, nal.  Good start. May I suggest: Calling her and asking her what you can do for her is good, but why not back it up mentally and ask yourself "What can I do to make W feel special today?" Let your imagination run. Flowers? Yeah, obvious - I always love them, though. You know what 'dumb' little thing H gave me that was sooo thoughtful? A notepad with a pretty design on it that he found. Because he knows I love pretty notepads. And while I'm thinking about it - I'm going to email H at work with some funny little picture in it to let him know I'm thinking about him. I'll be back in a minute...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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There ya go Nal ! 
And, when wife says kids don't need anything, go ahead and do something special for them anyway.
Nal, the Mom who is your wife, will feel tenderness towards a person (you) who treats her children with care, consideration, and love. A love bank deposit, every time.
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is it normal that i feel overwhelmed with my situation and all the info from the readings and all the info i am getting from all of you ? i mean i feel like my head is going to explode
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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is it normal that i feel overwhelmed with my situation and all the info from the readings and all the info i am getting from all of you ? i mean i feel like my head is going to explode
You are certainly out of your element writing about your feelings.
You probably are not too comfortable expressing feelings to your wife, either.
This forum is good for you.
Write about your feelings, as practice.
I think you might be somewhat depressed too.
Are you drinking or using drugs?
Are you still turning to porn when you feel anxiety?
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no to porn and drugs
i have a beer or 2 after work when i am in my room relaxing watching tv but nothing heavy
i do beleive i am depressed and probably some anxiety too
my wife and i wrote in this book that we used to discuss things or express feelings we even had a few agruments in the book but it was cool because no one was yelling all was calm and collected
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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Posts: 35,996
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i do beleive i am depressed and probably some anxiety too
Play some ball.
Run.
Box.
Whatever floats your boat.
Get physical. Involve your kids, if possible.
Endorphins are released, and that helps fight depression.
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i have no clue that was a couple of years ago.
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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i plan on buying a bike i love bike riding its a passion of mine
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 66
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i feel stupid and i feel alot of guilt too
NLowe79@hotmail.com
31 yo male
8 yrs married no more to follow
2 boys 12 n 9 yo
1 girl 5 yo
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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i have no clue that was a couple of years ago.
BUY a NEW book.
YOU take the initiative and start a "discussion book".
You make the first entry, pass it on to your wife next time you see her.
Hand it to her and say:
"I really missed our book. So, I bought us a new one."
MAKE IT A PRETTY BOOK (go to a book store or your local stationary store)
PRESS a flower between some future pages (like page 10) .... your wife might be surprised by that! ( I know I sure as hell would be. LOL) 
Baby steps, Nal, you're going to be OK, buddy.
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