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I also checked our wireless website and she has been on the phone each day for at least 10-20 minutes with her enabling friend. No real surprise there. But she still appears to be in NC. I've skipped a few posts, but have a couple of questions - 1) Have you talked to WW about the enabling friend? 2) Would the friend act as a go-between for the WW and OM, "enabling" contact that you cannot formally track? [My own situation colors my perception of what I read in other sitches.]
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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I have talked to WW about enabling friend many times. So far, WW has not limited contact with Enabler at all. I was going to bring it up with her today, but figured I'd just not bring any A stuff up today because we had a pretty good day.
I don't believe Enabler is acting as a conduit between OM and WW. It's possible though and I wouldn't put it past Enabler. Unfortunately, Enabler really has become no friend of our marriage.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Maybe in time WW will see enabler the same way.
-SOL
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In-Laws leave today. Nice visit for a week. I don't know if they talked any sense into WW while they were here. But they really love me and they are very angry and disappointed at WW for what she's done.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Okay, so right after WW dropped her parents off at the airport, she went home and contacted Enabler. She also rewatched the footage to the video they shot starring the OM.
Then WW wrote an email to another friend of hers in NYC about coming up there this weekend while the kids and I go to my mother's.
Her friend in NYC wrote, "I've got someone I want to set you up with."
WW wrote that she's not quite ready to be set up with anyone yet. But she'd love to hang out.
And, oh yeah, tickets to NY are running about $400 right now, and guess who pays the credit card bill she intends to put it on...
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Okay, so right after WW dropped her parents off at the airport, she went home and contacted Enabler. She also rewatched the footage to the video they shot starring the OM.
Then WW wrote an email to another friend of hers in NYC about coming up there this weekend while the kids and I go to my mother's.
Her friend in NYC wrote, "I've got someone I want to set you up with."
WW wrote that she's not quite ready to be set up with anyone yet. But she'd love to hang out.
And, oh yeah, tickets to NY are running about $400 right now, and guess who pays the credit card bill she intends to put it on... Cut off the funds. If it's a joint credit card, cancel it. If she wants to go to NY, she can go to the local college town and earn money by donating plasma.
Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08
Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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But won't cutting off her funds be seen as a LB?
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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TE- Re-Read Pep's carrot and stick.
Do not finance or support the affair in any way. I struggled with this myself and decided to cancel all credit cards.
It made Pinky angry, but it was the right thing to do.
Cut them. If she wants to go to NY, let her figure out how to pay for it.
-SOL
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Yep, put me square in the "cut off the funds" category.
It's the first thought that came to my mind as I read this.
There is no --I repeat NO-- way you should be funding her infidelity.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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TE- Obviously this action won't be received well, but what you won't be able to see is the amount of respect your WW will have. She won't see it initially either, but she will at least see that you are standing up to her adulterous behaviour and at least sub-consciously, she will respect you for that.
-SOL
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Well, so far she has not booked the flight. She is a conflict avoider and knows I'm going to complain about the price, so right now she is avoiding talking to me about it. Plus, as of now, she has nowhere to stay in NY.
I'd like to see her make the right decision on her own before I cut her off financially.
I'm really hardcore carrot Play A-ing right now. We'll see what happens...
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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You need to do carrot AND stick plan A. It doesn't work with all carrot.
And removing the financial aspects of the A isn't an LB. Think of it more like an AB(Affair BUSTER).
As far as letting he make the "right" decision.....hate to break it to you but she already didn't. She WON'T. All you will do is watch her make bad decision after bad decision and bring you down with her. Commit to YOUR plan.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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The affair is already busted up. I did that through exposure to his parents. WW and OM are not communicating since late February.
I will cut off the funds. But I want to see how she handles the next few days first.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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"And, oh yeah, tickets to NY are running about $400 right now, and guess who pays the credit card bill she intends to put it on..."
Never finance an affair. Cut off these credit cards.
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you should never be making decisions to do the right thing based on fear about what she will do.
Figure that she will pitch the biggest hissy fit she's capable of and file for divorce, and then do the right thing anyway.
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If she makes a move to purchase tickets to NY, I will shut down her finances.
Right now she does not have a place to stay in NY and I have been carrot Plan A-ing quite well, there is a chance SHE will do the right thing and come with the kids and I to my mother's.
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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If she makes a move to purchase tickets to NY, I will shut down her finances.
I don't clearly understand what you intend to do.
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TryingEverything,
I agree with Pep. Why on earth haven't you cancelled the credit cards already? You certainly don't want her to buy the ticket before you cancel. Cancel them NOW. Cancel them not only to prevent further adulterous activites but also to save yourself $400!!! or more!!!!!!!!!
FWW me - 35, BH - 50, 5 kids total (blended fam)
Dday - 1/29/2010, Exposure & NC same day
Recovering slowly
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I agree. If you are trying to avoid the conflict, simply tell her that you are doing it for financial reasons and leave it at that.
She doesn't need to know if you open a new card with only your name.
-SOL
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