|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,222 |
Tell OM's wife and parents/siblings all on the same day and show them the love poems. Chances are he tucks his tail and runs away.
Also expose to your WW's family. Show them the email.
Keep tracking everything. Her computer (spy software), cell phone (online), movements (GPS on her car). Keep her and OM from being able to communicate.
At the same time keep meeting the needs she'll allow you to meet with plan A and avoid love busters.
As far as the bedroom, you calmly and politely say that you are staying in the marital bedroom, and if she has a problem, then she can be the one to leave. Chances are she'll be back after a couple nights.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820 |
I agree the affair must be knowledge to family and friends and work with the OS. An affair is not as much fun when everyone is watching......she might be mad a first but she will get over it........
Just telling her you are trying to save your marriage and that you think it's important enough to stop the affair and work on your marriage, tell her you love her that much....and that you think she is worth it.......to go to that extent......
be as understanding and loving as you can be and just keep telling her how important your family is to you.....
good luck
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
Trust me...when she returns from out of town(I know where she is and who she's staying with) the fit is going to hit the shan.
I have enough contact information to make life very uncomfortable for BOTH OM and my W
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
I just really needed the esprit de corps that I've encountered on this board.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Trust me...when she returns from out of town(I know where she is and who she's staying with) the fit is going to hit the shan.
I have enough contact information to make life very uncomfortable for BOTH OM and my W jlowes, what exactly is your plan? Did you see my post about exposure? We have been doing this for a very long time and we know which strategies that work best. You have ONE SHOT to do this right and after that, you have pretty much spent your best shot. This is why it is very important to do it RIGHT the first tme.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
1) Confront...demand all contact stop
2) If she refuses (which she will), then I plan on exposing to:
OMW, WW's family and close friend(s), OM, OM's family the day after I confront.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
1) Confront...demand all contact stop
2) If she refuses (which she will), then I plan on exposing to:
OMW, WW's family and close friend(s), OM, OM's family the day after I confront. jlowes, I would reverse this order. FIRST expose the affair and then demand she end her affair. You have to expose it anyway in order to recover your marriage and doing so will give your demand more TEETH. Exposure should not be contingent on anything becuase it is what will kill the affair and restore your marriage. If you make it a contingency plan, she will promise to end the affair and then just go fuerter underground.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 613
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 613 |
You have already demanded that she stop this affair and she refused.....you already know her answer. Expose first...make this cockroach scurry from the light!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Expose and then she will actually confront YOU when she finds out what you did. Exposure is not meant as a punishment. It is a step in the PLAN to help YOU. When are you going to expose? Do you have a list of people you will expose to? Do you know what you will say/write? We can help you with it(not the exposing itself but the words). 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
Yes...I have a list of people to expose the A to starting with the OMW.
Please...I need scripts for: OMW, WW Family/friends, OM, OM family/friends.
Thank you all!
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
Check back tomorrow. Script writers are not here late all the time. Do expose BEFORE talking to WW, please. Otherwise all sorts of bad things happen. Too sleepy to list right now.
Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Only a fool will delay exposure. You think you know where your WW is. She's away hooking up with the OM.
Moves you out of her bed. WW is being faithful to her OM.
Expose now. No script needed. Tell the truth to the point. You want those you expose to, to know that the OM and WW are having an affair. OM is hurting your marriage and children. Your goal is to say your marriage and family.
Move back into your bed. You're not the one having an affair.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
I can verify where she is and who she is staying with.
Do I expose while she is out of town or should I wait until she gets back?
Yes, I've already moved back into my bed.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I can verify where she is and who she is staying with.
Do I expose while she is out of town or should I wait until she gets back? I would do it all today! Let her come back and face the music.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I can verify where she is and who she is staying with. Is the OM there too? This is something I would verify with the OM's wife when you call her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Should it be exposed to others, or kept secret? I generally recommend exposure. When should it be exposed? I usually recommend that it be exposed immediately. To whom should it be exposed? I recommend that family, friends, children, clergy, and especially, the lover�s spouse be informed. Exposure in the workplace depends on several factors. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
No...OM is not there as I checked the cell records and you guessed it...hundreds of texts to the OM. WW is staying with family.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No...OM is not there as I checked the cell records and you guessed it...hundreds of texts to the OM. WW is staying with family. jlowe, then maybe one of your exposures could be to the family she is staying with? Get most of your exposures out of the way this morning and then call the family she is with. Tell them all about the affair, let them know she is communicating with the OM [who is married!] from their home and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to stop.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 248
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 248 |
Wife of 16 years is having an EA with an "old" friend from high school. Cell phone records show thousands of text messages to each other for the last three months. I know they have seen each other and I'm pretty certain there has been no physical contact. I confronted her twice about it, asked her to stop contact, she refused. She also refuses to call it an affair. When I confronted her she brought up separation and divorce. Now she says she just wants to live as roomates/friends but I know that is the fog talking. She moved my clothes into another bedroom...she is out of town and I've since moved my things back into the closet. We have two children and I don't want our family busted apart because of her destructive behavior.
Here are my questions:
1) Do I confront one more time then officially start Plan A?
2) Am I within my rights to have her sleep in the spare bedroom or would that conflict with Plan A? Is that an LB? She wants peace in the house when she returns.
I don't want to push her out but at the same time I will not be a doormat!
Thanks! EA only!!! They all deny the PA at first. Having been where you are, I know that no one texts someone that much unless there is also a PA. Not sleeping in the same bed??? She is fully engaged in a PA.
D-Day EA 11/29/08
D-Day PA 12/12/08
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 163 |
I still need the exposure scripts for OMW, OM, OM family/friends, WW Family/Friends.
Do I do this by phone, email, or a combination of both. I'm thinking phone for the people that I have a phone number for and email for those that I don't?
Thanks
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
371
guests, and
35
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,489
Members71,946
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
