Chris, I tried several times to type a comment on that, explain how it came across to me, but nothing I typed was really as neutral as I wanted to be. You know everyone's equal here, just folks reasoning though together. Some days better than others.

And I get it, it's not my business to comment on what folks mean. I didn't want you to be upset. I know pretending to know what someone else means can add to the confusion, instead of clearing it up. I'm sorry Chris!

NED,

I understand. I can't imagine how that coment could be cleaned up. You're good, but you're not that good LOL

I want you to grasp that I was very offended and unpleasantly surprised at this experience and I believe that anyone can see why although they may not say anything about it because of the forum culture.

I am working to let it go by:
- remembering that this forum is a peer environment
- staying out of that particular conversation
- thinking about all of the progress which has been made in myself and our M

What do you think of my plan that I posted a little while ago? Is there anything you think I need to add, subtract, or consider?

Blessed are the peacemakers, et cetera et cetera...No worries. I'm upset. Honestly - I feel that what happened was not nice, yet I'll live. I appreciate that you care about my feelings.

I know you like 2x4�s, so I took the liberty of analyzing some of what you just said.


That is sarcasm. Or something.


More sarcasm.


But your sarcasm reveals that you ARE taking it personally. That�s natural. I take things personally too, even when I know that it doesn�t serve me as well as detachment would.


That�s an example of HOW you have taken it personally. If you were not taking it personally, even if it were clear to everyone that LG were a total jerk and flat out saying that you�re just being a whiner while OH has �real� problems, �not taking it personally� would look a lot like this:

�LG, that�s a really interesting perspective. I�ll have to think about it. Thanks for sharing.�

And meaning it.


Let me clarify. I do NOT think you are �just a whiner.� Nor do I believe that your sitch is any worse or better than OH. Frankly, I think both of your situations suck in ways that I am very grateful I don�t have to be in either one of your shoes.


Maybe it�s because we didn�t think that he was misreading the situation. You know me, I argue with vets a lot Also, it was OH�s thread and I didn�t want to detract from that, so I didn�t comment.


OK, the crystal ball thing is more sarcasm. And your husband IS a wayward. He sent a flirtatious text to another woman. That�s wayward in MB terms. It�s a degree of wayward, but it�s still wayward, the same way an EA is wayward, the same way taking of your ring was wayward. Better to accept it than deny it. You know that


Yes, he may have implied that. But he didn�t say that exactly. That�s how you are interpreting it. And I might say the same thing. You are using a LOT of sarcasm, and as I said yesterday, it really doesn�t sound like the �you� I�m used to. I�m used to hearing someone who is humble and teachable, and the way you interacted with LG was anything but. He was touching a sore spot without realizing it, but that doesn�t justify reacting just as strongly. Please know that I am saying this because I care about you and your personal recovery and your marriage recovery. Ignore me if you want. But I think you are only hurting yourself to ignore people. There are a few folks around here that probably SHOULD be ignored now and then, and we all know who they are, and I don�t ignore them, because God uses even the loud obnoxious and difficult people, even the most ignorant newbies, to speak to us in ways that are often surprising. I try to listen to all of the voices because there is a gift in it all, even the nasty ones. And LG wasn�t being that nasty in my opinion, any more than ML is �nasty� when she �sells� MB

Chris, you have a wonderful gift of humor that I just love. Please don't let sarcasm warp it.

Oh my goodness Chris I totally get it and totally see why you were offended and unpleasantly surprised. When I read the comment about not being "as deep" of a situation, I thought, "I hope Chris sees it as having a child sick not as deep, not meaning the whole situation was not as deep!" I still have more thoughts on that conversation, but haven't found a way I like to express them yet.

I remember reading your plan A, and I liked it a whole lot, that's why I didn't add anything.

Think,

I appreciate you.


Here are some random thoughts I had after reading your response.

A) Hells yeah I was being sarcastic. I'm in a New York State of Mind tonight.

B) I have never witnessed you or anyone "in the know" argue with vets. And at this point I have come to see it isn't very smart to do it...that and never ever never share your conversations in an effort to assist anyone else. Make your point in a general way because there will always be a smarty who will do a detailed autopsy.

C) My perceptions are just as valid as anyone's and I know what I "perceived" from LG. I also know that I am perfectly justified in feeling and reacting in any way I deem appropriate...

D) I am glad that he's focused on helping OH and feels no need to respond to my situation in this thread. Thanks be to Cthulhu that some people do respond. If everyone were like LG, I'd be screwed.

E) You said there are certain things about my situation which you couldn't take..Well, there are certain aspects of your situation which I feel would abolutely break me. We need to understand that we are never given more than we can bear. Let's leave it at that.

F) I was being sarcastic about the ignore thing. I don't ignore anyone because I don't want to miss something which would help me.


This is over for me. I will not give LG or his rudeness any more bandwidth in this thread.

Do you have any additional thoughts about the Plan I posted?

I hope you can find a way to help me with that conversation which I shared. I feel it started off wrong and I fell into an old pattern, but then I felt like I was able to calm down and find a better way to express myself.


Thanks NED. If you do think of anything, please share it.

No, I want to keep rehashing LG

Just kidding.

i really do love to argue with vets. That's actually how I started here. I only commented on the "theoretical" type posts rather than post my problems and wait for advice.

i learn best by arguing, which can be really irritating for certain teachers, and very exhilerating for others. Luckily it appeared to be exhilerating for Mark and Bubbles (can we say polar opposites!). It was exhausting for me. Especially all those long posts from Mark! LOL

It's good for me to remember that we are never given more than we can bear. And we are given the exact challenge we need in order for us to grow in ways that make us most useful to God and others.

I liked your plan too.

LOL!

I almost fell out of my chair laughing at this.

Thanks Think!


I see...


I do too, unfortunately people do get annoyed.


Um...OK.

Good. I'm sure LG will be along to shoot it full of holes.




























Just kidding!

LOL!

I am looking into MY crystal ball and seeing a time when you and LG will be great friends of marriage to all!

I am already a friend of marriage.

Oh, the conversation with your H, I thought of it as a moment in time, a growth experience, sure, but there will be plenty of others. I liked what cwmi said about not taking what other folks try to put on our shoulders. It takes practice to find a balance. I don't have to get it "perfect." Like you and others say, I just have to remember to check myself, am I adding something positive or negative?

My H is working out of town M-F right now, leaving me with the bulk of the responsibility for handling things to the standard that he wants them handled. I can all day be mad that it's not fair or whatever, but all that does is ruin my day, when really my day is truly blessed. I have my health, my kids are healthy. When I look at your situation, mine, or thinkin's or OH's, or anyone else, I don't feel anymore like these are awful situations. Gosh, look at us, we have families and friends we love, work and communities that we find meaningful. And a place like this to support us as we build lives that fit closer and closer with what brings us joy. My marriage of 14 years is failing, alright, I took some time and mourned. But my H and I had some really beautiful years there, and even the bad years had good times in there, too. I think I'm off on a tangent. What I meant was that sometimes we do have extra responsibility, but we get to choose what responsibilities we'll accept, and what we can't.

And I think you're doing beautifully. Your health is coming back. THinking will recognize this one."Just for today, I have a plan, even if I'm not following it perfectly." You keep it up, Chris, you will rewire that brain of yours with these new actions and examining your beliefs.

They complain when I post too much. They whine if I don't post. They argue with what I have to say and then wonder why I didn't chime in...

Some people...

*hugs* {{{ Chris }}}...

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. I like your plan, BTW.


If I may offer my interpretation of the above...

IMHO someone saying "I don't think X meant what you are thinking he meant" doesn't necessarily mean that X came off in a very nasty way to the speaker as well. I saw it as, just based on *your* reaction, it seems *you* think he meant something very nasty. He didn't come off that way to me, though.

But I'm not in the same place you are right now. There have been times when I was in a bad place, and was even offended by... NED! lol *waves to Neddie*

Anyhoo.

I also wanted to comment on your comment about it seems to be a bad idea to disagree with the vets. Let me just say that it depends on the vet... For instance, you can disagree with me, with Neddie, with LA (although why would you...)... with Retread, with LG, with EE, with hold, with lil... I think we are all ok with ppl having different opinions.

If anyone I just mentioned disagrees with that, you can go <censored>!!! ROFL J/K. (I didn't really say anything to be censored; I actually typed in the word "censored" surrounded by little corner brackets. Y'know?)

LOL!!

Chris.....

Just so we understand each other. I harbor NO ill will towards you. I wanted to point out something I saw in your conversation that I thought might help you alot in the future. If it made you think, great. If it made you crazy, that wasn't my intent. It was not designed to hurt.

I wanted to clarify one thing, because in reading your recent posts on your thread, maybe I understand better why you got so offended by my post to you on OH's thread. I didn't pick up on this earlier.

This line:

It had nothing to do with you or your sitch and had no intention of being "your stich is easy, and hers is bad" No, it was just a transition. OH' sitch is progressing DOWNWARD, and that was the reason for my line there. They were that unrelated.

And after reading your plan, and your thread, where you posted this:


I presumed that your H was wayward. Sorry. I may have streched to far on that one.

Now, I will have some fun with you...

I will point out this one...



Can I introduce you to a former poster named MEDC? I could be rude with him.... I believe the only posts I have ever had edited around here were directed at him...

Chris: Its ok if you think I'm a jerk. Thats ok. We can all occupy our own places of this DB. Are you getting to a better place being around here? If the answer is yes, and I can answer that with a GREAT BIG YES, then that is all that matters.

LG

PS: I can set a date with think for an argument in two weeks...

PS2: I'll leave your thread alone now...