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I haven't officially moved out yet...I only spent a couple nights at my parents house so I haven't abandoned my family.
I'll pick up the VAR this weekend...WW will be away this weekend with my daughter and other family at a dance competition.
So naturally, I'll be staying at our house this weekend...in my bed!
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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I haven't officially moved out yet...I only spent a couple nights at my parents house so I haven't abandoned my family.
I'll pick up the VAR this weekend...WW will be away this weekend with my daughter and other family at a dance competition.
So naturally, I'll be staying at our house this weekend...in my bed!  Why did you leave AT ALL??? So your WW would have the freedom to conduct her A at her leisure, bring OM to the kids so they can meet their future daddy?? Stop being so damned accommodating of this affair!  The second you walked out that door with your overnight case you abandoned your family! Get the VAR before she leaves and try to get it into her car. OMG. Leaving the house, why do men leave their own home?????
Last edited by maritalbliss; 04/16/10 11:02 AM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm going to discuss the situation with an attorney this afternoon.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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jslowed,
CALM THE HECK DOWN! This is a marathon not a sprint. You haven't even let exposure take it's course. Don't talk about divorce or separation right now. You've just been through a traumatic event, let the exposure do it's job for now. STAY AT HOME EVERY NIGHT! We told you your WW would be furious when you exposed. Well guess what? Your WW won. She fed you the bait and you jumped at it. I told you just to ignore her for two weeks. Don't talk about anything for now. Just let her vent and walk away. Now is not the time to have these discussions with her, right when you exposed.
You wanted to save the marriage a week ago. Nothing has changed except you have exposed, and she LB'ed like heck, and you got sucked in. Ignore her words right now, she is a WW.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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OK...
I'm only going to talk to an attorney and ask questions...there is no charge to do that. I want to know what my rights are.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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Just spoke to an attorney...said that a night or two away is no big deal at this early stage
I'm well within my rights to ask her to leave the house of course she can refuse so back into my bedroom I go!
And, obviously, OM should not be allowed in the house
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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Posts: 163
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WW has already said that "she is beginning to hate me"...
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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Posts: 1,688
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And what surprises you about that?
You are really on the only path to saving your M, you know that, right?
Yah, it hurts, but you are only at the first few steps.
Take a slow deep breath. This A did not start in a week- it will take some time to end.
Nothing, nothing I mean nothing your WW is doing is out of the norm for an exposed WW. We have heard it ALL here.
Stay focused. You are to be the calm, the better choice. I think you have an excellent chance of saving this.
Slow down, 'hoss. Keep up the good work.
again...kudos to you.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Just spoke to an attorney...said that a night or two away is no big deal at this early stage
Unless you count OM being in your house and around your children, establishing a relationship, a big deal. Which I happen to think.
I'm well within my rights to ask her to leave the house of course she can refuse so back into my bedroom I go!
Heck, it's her house too - of course she's welcome to stay. There will be no OM there, though. So her A is going to take a little strategizing, especially if he's married. And did you say you contacted OMW? What did she say?
And, obviously, OM should not be allowed in the house
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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WW has already said that "she is beginning to hate me"... Yeah, you're not being a doormat and letting her screw around and ruin your M. You're interfering with her fantasy. Waywards just hate that!
Last edited by maritalbliss; 04/16/10 11:57 AM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!
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OMW said she would talk to him[quote=maritalbliss][quote=jlowesd]Just spoke to an attorney...said that a night or two away is no big deal at this early stage
Unless you count OM being in your house and around your children, establishing a relationship, a big deal. Which I happen to think.
Right...I'm being strategic for if it does come down to Divorce that she can't go before the judge and say "I abandoned the family".
I'm trying to save the M and our family but at the same time I'm protecting my rights.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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she's leaving this afternoon for the weekend with another family to a dance competition (one of my daughters dances competitively)...do I lay down the law before she leaves or wait until Sunday when she returns?
My gut says when I get home today, I lay down the law (calmly of course)...I'm sure you all agree!
Last edited by jlowesd; 04/16/10 12:26 PM.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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What do you mean "lay down the law"? That sounds like a selfish demand to me. In other words, a LB. In other words, don't do it.
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Why aren't you going to see your daughter dance competetively? That is a big deal.
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she's leaving this afternoon for the weekend with another family to a dance competition (one of my daughters dances competitively)...do I lay down the law before she leaves or wait until Sunday when she returns?
My gut says when I get home today, I lay down the law (calmly of course)...I'm sure you all agree! What law are you planning to 'lay down', there, Tex? ![[Linked Image from cdn.content.sweetim.com]](http://cdn.content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/0002005E.gif) Because if you go into it thinking you're going to 'lay down the law' the way your post 'sounded' you're going to get some backlash.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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What do you mean "lay down the law"? That sounds like a selfish demand to me. In other words, a LB. In other words, don't do it. That I am sleeping in the marital bedroom and she is free to sleep next to me, in the other room, the couch, or elsewhere
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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That I am sleeping in the marital bedroom and she is free to sleep next to me, in the other room, the couch, or elsewhere First of all, does she know you're coming home? I don't know why you have to volunteer the info that you plan to sleep in your own home.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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There is no law to lay down. Just do it.
You are in Plan A.
Act, don't talk.
Why aren't you going to the competition?
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Why aren't you going to see your daughter dance competetively? That is a big deal. Mainly finances...she dances once a month out of town...kills me and my older daughter...not being able to go.
M-43
WW-42
T 20
M 16
DD10
DD8
EA: 1/10
Informal separation: 6/11/2010
Headed for D: 7/6/2010
In Recovery: 9/10/10
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I don't get it. The gas money is already spent. The hotel money is already spent. Pack a cooler, skip the restaurants, and go.
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