I am the culprit, I messed up and had a 2 week affair with an old flame. He found out by snooping in my phone and finding emails. He now believes the affair went on for 2 months but I saw the OM once and no more because the guilt was unbearable. I was naive and thought I could sweep it under the rug but it didn't happen that way. In a way I'm glad the truth is out but now to see him so angry and hurt is making me hate myself for doing this to him. It's only been about a month since the truth was revealed. I'm just so confused and want to make things work but as of right now he will not talk to me. We have a 1yr old and live together but are currently in separate rooms. I know its still too fresh and he doesn't want to speak about it but when is the right time? None of my friends are married or have children so sometimes they don't fully understand what's going on. I feel rotten for what I did but there were obviously already problems there.

Are you married?

If so how long?

I think a marriage is always worth fighting for. No matter what problems you had, do you still love him? Have you apologized and are you being completely open and honest and transparent with him now? Have you suggested counselling?

Was the OM married? What have you done to ensure no contact? Have you been completely open and honest (O&H) about what happened?

Are you married?

Yes, for a year and a half.

The OM is separated. I cut off all contact before all hell broke lose. I want nothing to do with the OM. I tried but he doesn't want to talk about it at all.

It concerns me that you ask in the title of your thread if you "should" mend this.

Your BH (betrayed husband) has just been handed his heart on a platter ripped to shreds. The wound is still RAW.

What can you do? There's a whole list of things for you to do to get started. You can begin by answering all of your BH's questions when he has them, being accountable for all of your time, giving all your passwords to emails, cell phone, etc. to your husband. There are more, I'll see if I can find them.

How did you hook up with OM? Facebook? Email? Online Games? In Person?

I already provided all of that info without him requesting it. He has shut down on me completely which I understand. I only say that b/c I think he has had affairs too but is not speaking on them which is why I say I'm confused and should I.

You have been married 1-1/2 years, you have committed adultery and you suspect your husband has (multiple??) too?

How old are you guys?

I totally missed the length of the marriage.

Please read what you wrote here and tell us what you mean. Do you mean "there were problems, therefore it was okay to have an A (affair)even though I feel rotten about it." Are you trying to blame the problems in your relationship for your choice to have an A?

Oy vey. You've got a ONE YEAR OLD? I didn't even have time to wash my hair til after lunch with a one year old! By 7:00 I was ready for someone to either shoot me or put me to bed.

Soo...you said "There are problems in our M, so I'm going to talk to DH (dearest husband) about it because we need to stay solid for our ONE YEAR OLD."

Oops, my bad, that's not what you said at all, is it.

BH is a stay at home dad. I work and had my A during work hours to answer the question of how I had time to do so with a one year old. I'm not saying it was right to have an A b/c there were problems I'm saying the A was just a symptom of what was already wrong. He tends to be verbally abusive, I'm not pretty enough, I'm dumb, etc. I'd hear this stuff every time things don't go "his" way.

Chrisner I am 30 and BH is 34.

I have no legit confession that BH had an A but my trust started to dwindle when last year I found messages from another woman stating "I miss you" "I'm horny" "send me a picture of your (privates)". He denied and still does having anything with this woman and expects me to just get over that but it's so hard to believe "nothing" happened when he's out at night late sometimes not coming home til 3-4 in the morning. What I did was not right at all but BH isn't innocent at all he just denies any and everything.

Ceelo- Why do you want t save this, er uhm, marriage? You are now saying that your (W?)H is abusive(history rewrite anyone?) and that he has most likely had an affair. You have been married for 1.5 years.

Have you read all of the free info on this site? Have you read SAA(Surviving An Affair)?

Are you remorseful about your own A? What EPs are you going to put in place so this never happens again? Does your B(W?)H want to save this marriage?

What are you going to tell your daughter in 10 years?

I'm honestly confused at this moment. I love him very much and feel horrible for what I've done. I'm actually in therapy now b/c I'm having a tough time sorting out what I want. There's just too much in too little time. He's threatened to leave and take our daughter with him but hasn't yet. It has been almost a month since he confronted me and has exploded twice. When we reconnected and planned a future together I never imagined any of this. We planned on 2 more kids and just about everything together but somewhere down the road he became secretive and it drives me nuts! Finding those messages made me trust him less and I swear I tried talking about it but he just didn't want to talk about it and says its not important. I wish he would seek therapy but says there is nothing wrong with him. He told me just because I wasn't loved the way I wanted didn't mean he doesn't love me. He stays in his room all day when I'm here, sings these depressing love songs so I know he's hurt but he's so macho he will not open up to me.