Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
She has been calling from a blocked number and not saying anything. She's calling my cell phone though and not his. Her and I have gotten into several verbal arguments over the phone and she called from a blocked number then.
The thing is, when she has done that in the past, my husband got upset and called her and the Affair almost started up again. They did talk over the phone 3 times. My husband called her to tell her to leave us alone, but she drew him in with her tears of "oh it's not me, please don't be mad at me". Just a pitty conversation, played on his feelings and he fell for it. However he put a end to that and they haven't seen or spoke with each other since. So what I think she is doing is trying to aggrevate me by making these block calls so that he will get upset and call her to yell at her. I told him no matter how many prank calls she make, he is never ever to be in contact with her and he total agrees and has not spoken to her since that incident.
I told him if this continues that I was going get a restraining order against her. What do you think?
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
I told him if this continues that I was going get a restraining order against her. What do you think?
26years, refresh my memory, is she married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
Yes MelodyLane, she is married. I called and informed her husband what she was doing His thing is, "we're no longer together, but I'll talk to her". He said he told her to leave us alone. See, right now, she doesn't have her husband or my husband. She supposedly want to work things out with her husband, but the feelings are not mutual. My H is totally over her, but she's trying to revive the affair I believe by aggravating me. But, it's not going to work. The thing is, my hsuband said that if I filed the restraing order, things could really get ugly. I may just change our cell phone number, AGAIN. But I'm hoping that it will die down and she'll give up. That's the only thing she does is, every now and the make her prank call.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
26 years, you could put a block on the phone so your phone does not accept "private calls". Call your service and they will set it up.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years D17, D30 alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08 Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also) H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08 Plan B 1/09 D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
26, uh, well. . . Now don't get all up in a wad grieving over her misfortune. I know you are dong the Christian thing worrying about her and all, but hey, she got herself in the mess she is in. When someone jumps in a sewer and complains that it is brown and smells bad, then wants to blame everyone else, you are doing the right thing by feeling sympathy for her plight.
Just kidding!
I know God forgives. And I do too, eventually. Sometimes it takes way longer than other times. I may have a few I haven't gotten around to yet. But I will, later.
Hey, I like the whistle and horn ideas, and boy do I wish I knew how to speak spanish.
Larry...sympathy, pity from me for her??? LOL, never that. Come on, I know we've never met in person, but I think you know me better then that, LOL. What was she thinking to fall for a man that's been married for 26 years, especially being the type of man he is. That's the way I feel and I even told her that once. Yes he did make a big mistake, but I mean did she honesty believe he was going to leave me? He never even told her such a thing, he even told her how much he loves me. It sound strange doesn't it, I'm thinking "If you loved me so, why did you do that".
I changed my number once because of her, and someone gave it to her not knowing the situation. Now everyone that does have our number knows not to give it to anyone without our permission. AT&T charges $30 per Iphone to change the number. I just hate to go thruogh getting my number out to everyone again. I had it changed about a month and a half ago.
When she calls again, I'll start yelling to the tip of my voice, or I think my husband does have a whistle, or I go to speaking fake spanish then she'll wonder what in the world is going on.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
When she calls again, I'll start yelling to the tip of my voice
No. You can damage your vocal cords doing this. Plus, she will know it is you and keep calling. Keep the whistle next to the phone. When I was young, I had someone call me for "heavy breathing" ... Mom suggested the whistle. Only had to do that two times. It completely stopped the "breather".
An air horn works too, but it's way to loud for my own ears. And, if you have pets .... the air horn is something very cruel to their ears. A whistle is not as loud for pets.
I have never answered a number I do not know. Can't you just let her go to voicemail?
(BTW- do one of those CHEESY "Hello! You have reached the happy household of 26 and WH! We are not "available" right now, so if you'd like to leave your name and #... (you get the idear')
Let her listen to that over an 'dover.
Heeeeeee.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
Or... "Hi, you've reached 26, we're um, er, we're a little busy at the moment (giggle) but I'll be happy to call you back unless you're some kind of stalker."
Last edited by princessmeggy; 04/12/1001:09 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
my DD blocked her wayward Dad's number from her cell phone so when he calls he gets some automated voice that says this # has been blocked.
Why should you have to give up YOUR # again especially the OW could probably find the new one out for a small charge.
There is no charge to do this. We have Verizon.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years D17, D30 alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08 Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also) H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08 Plan B 1/09 D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Or... "Hi, you've reached 26, we're um, er, we're a little busy at the moment (giggle) but I'll be happy to call you back unless you're some kind of stalker."
I'd be soooo tempted to do this. Then I'd go ahead and change my number. Contact is contact.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
Yes I can let it go to voice mail but I'm always curious to see what she may have to say. All of you are so creative with your ideas. I think I will try the whistle and I love the "hi you've the happy couple and we are so sorry we can't entertain you right now because we are too busy entertaining each. If we EVER get a minute, we may call you back, please hold your breath".
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
Just burst into song. I know this sounds stupid, but it isn't the reaction she wants. She wants you to be upset, she wants you to argue, to rant, to do something expected.
So, sing. Pick a song that you hate, that is repetitive, like, "Who let the dogs out", or maybe a Broadway tune, that will hang in her head, like "The Sound of Music".
If you are a good singer, it will give you some practice. If you are like me, and a lousy singer, it will make her hang up faster.
Either way, she won't know how to react. If she does start talking, just keep singing.
Another possible response is to pass the phone around, and have everyone just laugh into it. See, if she feels everyone is just laughing at her, and that YOU are laughing at her, she will stop.
The point of her call is to UPSET you. She is after a reaction.
Don't give her the satisfaction.
If you change numbers, that is what she is after, and she will just chase that number down. It's a never ending cycle.
Making her feel stupid is your only possible defense.
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support. Recovered. Happy. Most recent D-day Fall 2005 Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
I am deeply comforted by the knowledge that she wasn�t and will never be woman enough to take my man. The only thing she was good enough for is a few of his crumbs when he was at his very lowest point.
i believe the song was written just after Lorretta caught her hubby with another women. they were on tour and she came back to their trailer to find h with some state fair tramp...kicked her out of the trailer and wrote that song...
I love it, lol. That's what I'll do is start singing. I like that song by Loretta Lynn. I also like to pass the phone around and have everybody laugh into the phone. Yes it's true, her goal is to get under my skin, but I'm gonna flip the script. I'll let you all know what happens. Now I'm almost looking forward to her calling. I'm so bad :-)
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
I recommend applying the KISS method to all situations like these... Keep It Simple Stupid!
None of this needs to be complicated!
We changed ALL of our numbers! My wife and I have the same messages on both of our cell phones.... Hi you've reached tst & SMB (with our last name), please leave us a message.
If either of us were to change our messages, it would be a big red flag for the other....
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
atually - my H and I have set up each others voicemail...My voice on his "hi you have reached Mr. Reed...hes away from the phone righ tnow blah blah
mine has HIS voice - Hi, you'v reached Mrs. Reeds ...she is away.
I just remembered!!! the one time my BH ever gave his cell out to an OW - he screwed up and gave her mine...she ws suprised when I answered the phone. He claims it was a joke - the guys at work pressuring him to give a number so he did but he had no intentions of following up with anything. Thats neither here nor there...what ever was the intent - nothing happened cause he accidentally gave her my number instead of his..
Well I've decided that I am not changing our number AGAIN. I have access to the phone bill online. It shows every call, text message and website he has been on. He won't even answer the phone if it's not someone he knows, I will but he won't because of her. Her cell # is blocked on both of our phones. She uses her kids cell phone to call us. She blocks their #. Please know it's not a daily event, maybe once or twice a month.
She's not that crazy, but yet it is annoying when she does do it. Last time she called I told her if she called again I would tell her husband some things about her that he probably doesn't know. I think that scared her. I did an extensive background check on her.
Yes Larry I knew you were kidding.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
tst, I'm sorry but I don't understand what the face means. I'm a little slow sometimes, just ask Larry, lol.
Does the face symbolize that you disagree with the decision NOT to change our number? Every activity that goes on with the cell phone I am totally aware of it. I changed my number once and she got it, she can get it again. Being that the position that we are in, it can be easy to get our new number. I've decided I'm not spending another dime on her. If it gets out of hand I'll just file the restraining order and she does'nt want that being that she is already a "felon". That's one of the things my H didn't know about her before the A or it would have never happen.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
tst, I'm sorry but I don't understand what the face means. I'm a little slow sometimes, just ask Larry, lol.
Does the face symbolize that you disagree with the decision NOT to change our number? Every activity that goes on with the cell phone I am totally aware of it. I changed my number once and she got it, she can get it again. Being that the position that we are in, it can be easy to get our new number. I've decided I'm not spending another dime on her. If it gets out of hand I'll just file the restraining order and she does'nt want that being that she is already a "felon". That's one of the things my H didn't know about her before the A or it would have never happen.
Yeah, I think tst disagrees with you regarding hanging on to your number.
I can kind of see your point as far as the OW getting your new number. She possibly could. I'd still change it, though. The cost isn't spending money on her - the blame for having to disrupt your life with changing phone numbers falls to your H. I'd change it and make sure to tell everyone that it is not to be given out.
As far as the RO is concerned - I believe you need to prove that you are in imminent physical danger in order to get one. And in the event you were able to persuade a judge that phone calls once or twice a month make you feel like you are in danger and could actually get one against her, it could very possibly send her the message that you are in fear of her, or that she figures large in your world. Do you want her to feel that way?
I think the only legal thing you could do is try to file a harassment charge. You need to document the calls. Have you saved all of them? Have you called the police to determine what they define harassment to be?
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
Nope, you were not slow, you were obsessed, hung up, stuck in a rut. Huge difference. Once you got a somewhat gentle nudge in the appropriate place, you caught on fast as can be, and have made progress at a fantastic rate, in leaps and bounds as they say.
That proves you are NOT slow.
Your husband isn't slow either. He was stuck in his own place. How are you guys doing these days?
How is she getting your cell phone numbers? That's pretty hard to do unless someone in your circle is giving them to her.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
