I gave my DH the Plan B letter and he didn't leave. I couldnt leave because it was my house that came with my job. I was fully prepared to have my employer give him a trespass notice to ensure I got him off. I didnt need it in the end as I got a better opportunity 4 days later when we was out of the country.

For those BH's who are procrastinating... Lawyers. They're not just decorative. Anyway, surely the WW's want to be with their soulmeat, er mate?

If a man doesn't have the guts to do a Plan B, he won't have the guts to file for a divorce......

Donuts to dollars the WW will file for the divorce, while the BH will sit the scratching his poor head wondering what the heck happened....

Not2fun

BINGO! The guys who don't have the guts to go into Plan B, never have the guts to get a divorce either.

Road,

This is NOT a Marriage Builders concept. This is a divorce Busting concept. WHY would I or anyone else here give advice conflicting with MB????.....

This makes no sense to me.......if you don't like the MB concepts, then why even be on these boards????

That is dreadful advice, TheRoad. Giving the WS the cold shoulder will only make the problem WORSE. We had a guy try and do an in-house "180" [or faux Plan B] and it ended with him fleeing in the night when his infuriated WW beat the door down with a sledge hammer! Needless to say, they are divorced today.

Better to leave before conditions deteriorate to that sad state. Once things get that bad, it is probably over.

This is why I'll never be married. Too many men are too willing to bow to a woman's wishes and have their manhood trampled to bits.

But of course, if I want a man who takes charge it makes me a gold-digger.

Wanting to be a SAHM seems to considered gold-digging these days, though.

Sorry for the TJ.

Mel & Say- Thank you both for lookin' out for me. I still need all the help I can get. I have been counseling with Steve but oddly enough, part of why I made that first call was to ask him how to Plan B under the same roof!

Mel, to answer your question, I have Plan A'd on and off, for not quite 4 months. It is still fairly long, but I have been physically coming and going during that time. It is so hard for me to be able to show consistency when I have to frequently leave for weeks at a time. In fact, I will be leaving for two months again on Saturday.

I won't bore you with the details, but my Plan A has been fairly complicated to say the least. I covered it in detail on my thread if interested. Actually, I talked again with Steve this afternoon and he recommends I continue to Plan A for a while - as long as I'm still up to it, which I currently am.

We even discussed when to transition to a Plan B for my situation a little bit (which is not for quite a while unless my energy level changes). We also talked about my concern about the 6 month time limit guideline specifically today. He said to disregard in my case, mainly due to my travels.

I would say I was somewhat of a 'conflict avoider' in our marital past, however I would definitely not consider myself one presently. I still don't really enjoy conflict with my wife, however I stand 'toe to toe' with her each and every time now, and hold my own quite well. I kicked her butt last Friday as a matter of fact!

There are certainly times when I look forward to a fight because I know my WW is withdrawn and I need to get through conflict to fight back to intimacy.

OK, I'm tired and getting long winded again. One last thing- I agree with you completely that Steve is an excellent coach. The man is intuitively brilliant. I highly recommend to anyone who is feeling 'stuck' to call him or Jennifer. They are darn good at what they do.

SoL

EXACTLY, Scottie.....

And I know for me, if THAT didn't work, I would find another place for ME to go, pack up the stuff, and take the kids WITH me.

The thing is, and this seems to be so very true when it comes to women, when a woman is a TRUE walk-away-wife, she will LEAVE THE HOME. She doesn't care about the house itself, she doesn't care about the belongings in it....all she cares about is getting OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.

I know, because I have been-there-done-that. Many, many years ago, I left my H. Things had been real bad for quite some time and I was in MAJOR withdrawl. I wanted out. I packed up ALL my stuff, the kids stuff, and we moved in with my parents. I didn't care if H got the condo. We only had one car at the time, and I left it for him. I only had a part-time job. But NONE of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was ending the marriage......getting OUT!!!! (and no, I was not having an affair. H thought so at the time. Did some major snooping, but found nothing, because there was nothing to find.......I was done with ALL MEN at this point.....).

So, my point is guys, if your WW TRULY wanted out, she would be taking the steps necessary to do that. If she really thought the AP was her soul-mate and it was "meant-to-be", she would be out of there....And when I hear the BH's on here saying their WW REFUSES to move, that right there signals she isn't the walk-away-wife.....her ACTIONS are not matching up with her words.....

not2fun

Great thread, Not!

BS's should be talking to a lawyer in Plan A - even before they are thinking about Plan B. Most lawyers will give a free 30 minute consultation. I saw about 5 different lawyers within a week of d-day - all so I could learn what the laws were, what the process were and what my various options were. I didn't hire one until later, but by the time I had met with them all, I knew exactly what my rights were, what his rights were and what resources were available to me. WXH was already moving out of the house but if he wasn't, I would have been able to find out ways to get him out and how long it would take legally. Knowledge is power!

If you can't get them out, do this:
This was EXACTLY how I left my first XH, though I did take the car. I went one further step and had my parents buy DS and I a plane ticket to go stay with my aunt in a different province 2000 miles away as my XH was a violent psychopath and I was afraid of him.

Why don't BH's ever leave with the kids?

I completely agree!!! I didn't do this at first. Probabaly because i was trying to save the marriage and in my mind when you see a lawyer that seems contradictory. It was only AFTER H had said all kinds of screwed up law facts when he was trying to scare me into NOT spying that I finally had enough and armed myself with REAL law knowlegde. All BS's need this to help difuse fog-babble....


Good question...... Women have done this for years and NOT just in severe physical abuse instances.

Maybe the guys can answer this for us....

I remember a gentleman on here, years ago, that was actually led through doing a Plan B in the house after phone counseling with the Harley's, and guess how that turned out...you got it...he checks in every now and again on D/Ding. His XW never GOT IT, never thought the EA she was having was wrong, and never went through the personality 'reboot' that the Harley's thought she needed.

He did eventually left, they D'ed, sold the house and split everything. Not sure she ever "got it"...

I've never been to any divorce busting site. BH is not ready to move out. Better then doing nothing and this has worked to save marriages.

So because it's not MB approved then your idea is for a BH to sit back and enjoy the view.

I didn't know that affairs were meant to only be a spectator sport for BS's.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AMBER_Alert
Almost every one of these I have ever heard was a child "Abducted" by a male with the same last name as the child. I believe a good percentage of these are father's who decide to leave there wifes due to abuse and take the kids. The wife then calls the police and reports the child "Abducted"


What is the definition of "Custody Dispute"?

I have never once heard one of these that had a child being "abducted" by a woman. I belive this is becouse when a child is reported "Abducted" by a mother, it is preaty much ignored unless they have been denied custody by the courts.

There is a double standard.

Okay folks, I've read alot about BHs being afraid to leave their homes because they think they'll be accused of abandonment.

Abandonment is not a cut and dried concept. There are elements that must be met before it can be called abandonment. One of the basic elements is that the WW would have to prove that the BH left the marital home for no good reason. There are other elements involved as well. Here's a link to a really good article addressing abandonment and desertion.

Grounds for Divorce - Abandonment or Desertion

Nteresting Gack.....

However, I am willing to bet though that when women leave with the kids MOST men do not call. The cases are further and fewer in between.....probably not so much a double standard.....

REALLY???..... Give me an example.... Because in my 2 yrs here whenever this has been employed, the marriage was not saved......
No I stick to what I know works, which is MB!!!! Why would I bother giving out advice in which I am unsure works???..... ..... I stick to the Harley Plans because it worked for me and MANY others on here...


ummmm.... In case you didn't notice, Plan A and Plan B are NOT spectator plans. They are PROACTIVE plans..... For those who wAnt to work them......your statement is quite an insult.....

I would not disagree that fewer men actually make the call, but that is because they belive they will be ignored.

On the other hand, if they leave with the kids they KNOW they wil have there name, vehichle, discription, and license plate number flashed on every TV, Radio, and elctronic billboard state (And somtimes country) wide.

And I think they may be right

Which is why every BH who leaves WITH their kids needs to have their ducks lined up and in a row.

Get legal counsel and see if you can file for legal separation/divorce with temporary custody BEFORE you leave.

Have a place to live with ample accomodations/care set up for the kids.

Make SURE that you do NOT keep the children from the other parent, but make sure the children understand WHY they are going to be moving out with you.

We had our grandsons visiting us when we learned that our xDiL had "run off" with another man. Our son was an OTR truck driver, and we immediately got in touch with him and our attorney. This was on a Sunday. I did NOT leave my home with the kids until after he got his temporary custody paper on Thursday, and he gave me his POA for caring for the kids.

Yeah, his wife could have come to my house to get the kids, but she would have needed a court order. However, if she had been watching for me to take the kids to a public place, she could have come right up and taken them.

Actually I know of 2 and both resulted in massive media attention. The first was my neighbour - the woman ran away with the kids to Argentina. It was a big deal because of international agreements and such. There were helicoptors and newspeople in our neighbourhood for days. The second was OWH's first wife who disappeared with their son. Nobody knew where she went to.

There is a huge difference between these cases and leaving to go to a family member's home. First of all, you don't up and disappear (unless there is abuse). You tell the WW exactly where you are and where the kids are. You can leave this information right in the PBL along with instructions on how to make arrangements for her to visit the kids. That's not abduction by anyone's definition.

Bump for Schtoop....