I have canceled all but one credit card. WW uses it for food for the kids and such. She has not used it for anything affair related.

Wouldn't a judge in a D have a problem with me cutting off all WW's funds?

Should I give her a stipend for groceries each week of cash instead? Say like $200? More? Less?

Why don't you buy food for the kids and such?

That is basically what I do. I transfer money into her checking from my checking, usually about 200 at a time. I can see her trasnactions online so I can make sure it is being used for food/clothes.

No, those aren't basically the same. You are paying for her to buy the food. I am suggesting that you buy the food.

And that will keep any possibility of 'working the system' to a minimum. (As Pep explained.)

Great point Pep.

To be honest though, I really don't have that big of an issue with 20 bucks of 'walking around' money for fast food or whatever. Any more than that and she can fund herself from her part time job. I check her account every other day to verify. So far no ATMs and any grocery purchases seemed to match the amount of food in the house.

I blocked my WW from our funds to protect the family and our money- not to try to control her every move (although WW thinks that is the reason) while she is still wayward.

I still need to provide for her and that is what I do. That is where it stops too- just food and shelter. I have closed all our credit cards and emptied all joint bank accounts. She was pi$$ed, but I did it for me and the boys.

Markos- I meant what TE was suggesting is basically the same as what I do. I didn't mean that you suggesting he do the shoppin was what I was doing. Although, I also do the grocery shopping from time to time. It's just that in my case, I am not home as much as she is so she still does a lot of it.

Good points all. Thank you again. This stuff really helps as I'm still trying to figure it all out.

As expected WW called me at work asking if she could purchase a flight to NY. Now it seems her enabling friend is going to drive down to NY from Massachusetts and they are going to have a wild and crazy weekend.

I told her I would not pay for any such trip. And I told her she needed to stop communicating with Enabler. I also told her that I thought she should come with the kids and I to my mother's b-day party as it will be a big event in my family.

At the end of the conversation she still seemed like she was fogged out. Then when I got home from the office I asked her what she was going to do. She said, "I don't know."

I then asked her, "Do you want to go to war with me?"

She said, "No."

We actually then hugged and she's been super nice to me ever since.

This morning we shared an really great hug.

Then Enabler called. WW did not pick up. Enabler then called WW's cell. WW did not pick up.

I left the house and went to my IC.

Came home. WW and kids had gone to gym. I hit redial on the phone and saw that WW had called Enabler.

Enabler is putting on the full court press to get WW to meet her in NYC this weekend. I have asked WW to come with the boys and I to my mother's b-day party.

We will see...

Today will be a big day in our lives. WW will either:

1. Come with the boys and I to my mother's b-day party

2. Not come with us and stay home

3. Not come with us, meet Enabler in NY, and interview for a job in NY on Monday.

My mother's b-day party is going to be a huge family reunion. If she chooses #3, which it looks like she will, I am pretty sure that I am going to divorce her.

I have been praying for you, TE. Please let us know.

hope you are all at the party!!!!

WW did not join the boys and I on our trip to my mother's. Instead she went to NY. I told her I would not pay for it, so she called one of her friends and convinced her to pay for it. We had a huge fight on the phone about it right when I arrived at my mother's. WW did not meet Enabler in NY, but did interview for a job.

I finally exposed the affair to MY whole family.

I am again sleeping downstairs in my house. Although I really just lay awake most nights.

Hope you will put in the divorce papers. That should keep the kids in their home and not in NYC. Also start working on a separation agreement and figure out how much money she needs to make to be able to pay child support and daycare.

Just got back from the lawyer's. Plan D has now begun.

Good. I would try to keep the kids with you.

Although I imagine her showing up in NY with 2 little boys would put a cramp in her freedom and fun, not to mention the affair. But it would be hard on your sons.

She still thinks she is going to be living in NY with the kids and working as a teacher starting in September.

My lawyer said flat-out, "That's not going to happen."

WW's bubble is about to burst.

I know, what are these waywards thinking? They have their own little dream world.

I can't remember, did she used to be a good mother and wife?

I raised my two sons by myself when they were small, and all I did for years was go to work, come home and take care of them. I was too tired to go out for a hamburger.

Yes. Before this she was a good wife.

And she still is a good mother. Although she keeps telling me how people get divorced all the time and the boys are going to be fine.