MindShare


SC


No car story tonight. Turned soft when DD asked me this am if her and her BF could drive out and see mom 2nite. Then go to church youth group. Didn't want to upset DD (loves going to the ygroup)so Its on for thursday. Lined it up with brother to drop me off just after lunch.

Please Hold your 2 x 4's till tommorow nite. If you don't get a car story then you can feel free to break out the tazers.

JohnsTwin



Hope you can find it. I have a cousin who Dvd his W and they got back 2gether after several years. Don't know the story, not sure who dvd who even, and not close enough to him to get it. I know what ya mean by being into the Olympics. It keeps me up too late some nites.

Not much happening today. WW did slip a text through when DD and I were texting. Opened it without looking at the number. Thought it was DD. All it said was "Hope your having a good day". Didn;t reply.

Feel off for right now. All Ive done for all these years was work, try to have fun with family-Basically I have tried to make most of my life around our family. Always trying to improve whatever we have material wise or personally. This is different just taking care of DD and myself.
I don't see us living in an apt very long. I like living in my own house and work very hard to make it a home. Ive probably offended some who live in apts I just see them as temporary. Out of all our years 2gether we ony lived in rentals under 2 years.

Gotta run its getting late. I owe, I owe so off to work I'll go...early

Nesre

Update

After several calls to my cell phone my WW called my direct # at my desk. I think only once in 10 years she has done this. My phone does not have caller ID on it so I was really blindsided.

Wanted to talk about school and minor medical issue for DD. I did answer questions about DD and then cut her off and refered her to the PLB letter. On the phone for 2 minutes.

Thurday morning IM called and let me know she had called and just wanted them to pass through to me she is sober and going to AA meeting's. She also has a NC letter ready 2 go.

Iv'e only seen this 30-40 X's b-4 so I am not holding my breath. She starts off good and then about 3 weeks down the road starts in again. Thats been the cycle for the past 5 years.

I'm sucker enough that the car will stay with her through this weekend. DD is staying tonite & for sure most of saturday. I will talk to her parents. They will be honest with me. They have supported DD and myself for quite some time now. As long as she stays sober the car can stay.

DD went out to see her with BF thursday nite.. WW sent some mail. Mixed in the mail was an open letter (not in an envelope)from WW.

Nesre
I am so sorry that my drinking has caused you and DD so much hurt & that you had to leave. I do understand that if I drink again you both are gone(----->me umm I think we r gone right now?)
Your leaving really snapped me back into reality. I am trying to work a program & its only been a week but so far so good. It has been hard 2 stay clean while being alone but it also has been good. It has made me reach out to others for help.
I can honestly say that my heart is broken w/o you both here. Like the song says "Don't know what you got till its gone".



I really do love you and DD & you are both in my thoughts a million times a day.

I truly hope my alcoholism didn't destroy us forever. I hope with my sobriety we can all put it back together & make it even better. I hope we can work out the financial & start over. You are so right-Its not the material things & I've come to the conclusion that I would give it all up-the drinking-house-boat-etc for you, DD, & DS.

I will speak for myself that I have been off track for years-Not only w/drinking but w/my priorities. Putting work, house, yard etc B-4 myself and my family. I think it all started 10 years ago when I did daycare. ((ME-->may have been some depression/resentment?-->SHE would cry at night and when I would try to comfort her she would turn on me and let me know clearly all my faults. I felt she would not let me get close to her therefore hard to be intimate))
If I'm lonely in this M it is because I didn't reach out & I put everything else first.
I am tired of trying to make everything perfect and make it look good. I really want a honest committed loving relationship with you and the kids. I know with sobriety I can give you and the kids these things.

I hope and pray that you will give me another chance & we can all start form square one. I hope we can do all the things we have talked about over the years.

I have never been in love with anyone but you. I know no one could ever give me and make me feel the way you do. You have been the love of my life, my best friend, and the person I do want to spend my life with.

I love you and miss you soo much.

WW


Way toooooo soooooooon.

Not responding to letter or even saying I got it-even to DD. I don't think she even knew it was with cause the stuff was in a bag.

Keeping w/ No Contact. Not enough sobriety and no response to the damage of the A. I've seen this too many times. When she has 30 days clean and I have a NC letter then maybe we can open some communication.

Nesre

Good answer Nesre !!!!

Sc

R u always a late nighter??
Nesre

It's the Olympics..... I'm a closet curler .......

In my next life I'm going to race downhill.....

In some days off right now I leave for New Zealand on Monday to hook up with the WW and DS (he's on an exchange there for a year)

Her Iron Man is the 6th.......She went out about a week ago

Should be a fun trip......

Hey Nesre,

your buddy is on now you figure a way to tell your concerns yet???

SC

In my next life I'd be a speed skater. Always wanted to try it.

New Zealand...Sounds like quite an adventure.

Will you be on at all?

How many days is the trip??

Nesre

SC

Gonna try it now

Thanks

Nesre

I be gone about a 10 days.....

I expect to go Dark on this MB site......

not sure if I'm even going to take my laptop with me on this trip....

The WW has been warming up a little I think mostly because she is in total freak out mode and needs E support from me..... which is way better then the OM giving it to her......

Expect to do some white water rafting while I'm there with the DS, his girlfriend and the WW....

SC





Way jealous man...Not the part about meeting your W's Eneeds...I trust you'll do just fine with that


Sound like its going to be an awsome trip.


Got your lastr e-mail. Will write you back soon.

Nesre

Nesre,

I sent you some stuff your way ...you see it yet ????

SC Back at ya
nEsre

dito

What's up with that car Nesre?? You still leaving yourself exposed to WW maiming or killing somebody? You need to get that car from her.....

MS


WW has been going through IM's. They are both in the AA program and she has been keeping them updated with when and where she is going to meetings. She is counting her days till 30.

I told Im's (also others) I don't want to know the paticulars of where shes going or what shes doing -just that she is staying sober. IM also ran into her at a meeting.

She would isolate and have nothing to do with IM's- DD-Her family. Thats how she gets when she drinks. Its an extremely lonely palce. Totally not normal drinking.

Im;s/F-MIL let her know right away when DD and I left I would take the car. There are also several other ppl watching her and they would let me know.

Yes it does leave me vunerable for now. As long as she is taking action in the right direction and staying sober I'll let it ride. Should I hear different I will go and get the car. She knows that.

According to IM's this PLB has awakened her.

She also told them she has NC letter to Baldo ready. She is going to give it to them and they will pass it to me.

She now knows where DD and I live. Tuesday last week she left a note under my windshield wiper saying simply " have a nice day"

I have not responded to the letter she sent with DD or this letter.

Working on a written plan to present to her when our NC ends. Our biggest area is RC together. Its easy in the summer and hard in the winter. She is not an outdoor person at all when the temp gets below 50 degrees. She freezes. Ive got about another 10 days yet to work on this and see or at least present some ideas.

DD's back in school a few days now just in time for week long spring break. Found out by going over transcripts she only needs 12 credits to graduate. The normal school year she would get 18 so with one quarter left and a full year to go she can take AP's that could count as college credits free though the school.

Gonna really try to encourage her to do that. It was great news to know that one bad quarter did not screw up everything. Her old school presented it in a way we thought she would even have trouble graduating.

Work has been extremely busy and my 2 superiors just left on vacation 4 spring break. Me and a newbie will be running the shop for the week so that will be different. Kinda sucks since DD will be off all week and I'll have my hands full at work.

Will try to meet DD for lunch a few days next week and try to go out and do something fun. Maybe Rollerskating-We havent done that 4 years?? Have two bow and arrows and a shooting range within a mile. May try that. Something will work out.

Nesre

Nesre,

Hope your doing well....And your Plan B is progressing .......It is my prayer for you that the WW has a true recovery and cleans herself up..... I think your doing a great .... As tuff as this has been I know you did the right thing for you and your DD.....

I'm back from New Zealand .....had a great trip...... the WW didn't make it out of the water....long story I'll tell later...

Nesre,

Been thinking about you .....hope all goes well in your Plan-B

I'm off an a trip .....

Plenty of drama on my side but doing well for now.......

I sure hope it works out for you .....I think your doing exactly what you should be doing and if there's a chance of success you will have it.......

Wow ! I can't believe its been this long since I updated.

Been keeping really busy at work. Right now is the beginning of our busy season.

DD16 has kept busy and new school is turning out good. Shes made some friends that appear to be good kids. We had 6 over Firday night and they hung out, watched movies and did the pizza thing. They are also doing the Church Youth group activites. She has been back and forth from here to to her previous youth group so its kinda been doubled up which is a good thing. Being in a larger city has way more healthy opportunities for her.

Schools been hard since she has Phys/chemistry/algebra 2. Not fun stuff and I am of no help. Seeing if some extra help is available at school to keep her current. Checking in to it this week. I just don't want her to get behind.

Shes been gaurded with her mother and did not see her at all for two and a half weeks. They only talked on the phone. A week ago wed. her and her BF had supper with WW and then went to youth group. Very short visit at the house. That was the first time she was back to the house since we left. Last week sat. she and BF stayed overnight. Everything appeared to be OK. This week the same repeated pattern only last night was the same old same old. DD and BF along with 2 other friend went to youth barn party andd then planned on staying at the house with WW

WW and I had talked some this week since she "SAID" she remained sober the 30 days. Also she gave IM's NC letter for me to mail about 2 weeks ago. I mailed the letter registered so I would get a signed copy back he recieved it. Nothing back from the POS-feline slang term-bag yet.

Last night DD and friend go out to the house around 5pm. We (WW/DD/ME) had all talked about this plan all week long. We even made plans to all go out to eat someplace today. DD gets there and no WW. By 7pm they leave for there party. Return home at 10pm still no WW. DD calls me and explains the situation. All to familiar. I reasure DD she can hop in the car at any time needed and come to apt. (I REFUSE TO CALL IT HOME-YET) if it need be. Around 11pm DD calls back and WW is home. WW starts in on DD's BF about some new kid that has been hitting on DD. Just gets trouble striring. DD calls back at around 12 and tells me WW left again.

DD and friends watch movies and since it was cold here make a fake fire in the middle of our living room with a quartz trouble light and Cheetos. Guess you had to be there. Turn on movies. Just bein teenagers. WW comes home at 230am. First thing she does is bust up their "fire" and start trouble again. Throwin crap out about how DD's BF will hurt her, how he's been talkin bad about DD to other ppl. I don't have a clue where this even came from.

DD is extremely embarrassed and pissed at WW since 2 of these friends had never been in our home before. Talked to DD again and said she could come here I just needed to know if she was on the road. Told me they would all go to bed. WW promised pancakes eggs and bacon in the morning.

This morning at 7 am WW calls me. Sounds tipsy. Right off the bat throws out how angry she is about exposure. Goes into 22 years ago when I was drunken cheater.
WW claims to have a VM from a woman at my work that wants to date me??? Thats news to me.

I could tell this was not going to be a place for DD and friends to wake up to. It would be more of the same. I drive out and BF is out walking the dog on the road. B4 I even get out of the car first thing he says is he would like to punch WW. Shes been ragging on him since he got up about how poor he is going to treat "DD IN THE FUTURE". I can tell when I go into the house WW is about ready to crash. She is extremely drunk. Couldn't hardly understand her when shes talking. DD and friends are packing up their stuff and ready to leave. WW Some how twisted it that boy who has been hitting on DD called her 2 times and left VM's wanting to know if he could date our DD. Some how WW ends up calling this boys mother and telling her to ask her son not to call her phone and leave DD alone. I think mother said well just block his number. Makes pretty good sense doesn't it?

.Of all things twice she says if the boy shows up at our house she will punch him in the face/punch him to the ground....First off this is a MINOR....2nd off a MINORITY.....YIKRES.....Charges??????

IRL BF is a good level headed kid with plans and goals for the future. Hes treated "MY Missy" the best of any BF she has had so far. Even though she is young in her dating experience I know DD knows it as well. We have talked about this several times. This 17 year old will sit and confidently talk to me man to man. I realize he is a teen but he impresses me. I have not seen that from any other BF.

WW starts crying and not making any sense.. Even with all this and no prompting from me DD goes to her mother and gives her a big hug. I get one also and it was a clingy type of hug. Not one of her normal hugs. I whispered we'll talk later.

I think DD was just waiting for Nesre to arrive and say its OK to just pack up and go back to apt. DD and friends leave. WW at this point is still crying and not making sense.

Dog has to go out so I take him for a 10 minute walk or so. When I come back in WW is passed out on the floor in front of the refrigerator. Shes already breathing heavy. I put the dog in his crate, get him and big dog a chew bone. I grab a blanket and covered up WW right where she laid. I taped a note to the cupboard door for WW to call me when she is sober.

I know this is long. Mainly just need to vent and also keep it straight why I am where I am today and how thankful DD made a desiscion to come with me. This was our life for way too long.

I tested the waters and found out they are not anywheres near safe to swim in.

1. Need to go back to IM's and update them that its full NC again. They knew we were talking a little the last week.
2 .WW needs to convince IM's it is in my best intrest to see her again before I do.
3. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5067e_qa.html
4. BB Page 108 Paragraph begins--->There is an important exception to the foregoing-

NESRE,

I'm so sorry I can't do anymore to fix your WW for you other than sympathize .......and this whole alcoholism thing is way over my head to offer advice on......

All I can say is I pray for you and your WW........

I do know that the example that you are showing your DD will pay dividends....She is learning everyday watching you..... and the bond you are developing now going thru this will be something you will both depend on in the years to come.....

I am sorry that she has to see this side of life but I bet she applies these lessons to her own ......

Hope you have a good week.........

Pray your WW hits bottom soon.......

Pray she can recover........

Later........

sSame crap different week. The repeated cycle goes on.

On wed. nites dd goes out to eat with WW and then goes to youth group. 3/6X's WW has been drinking. On Friday night she usually stays overnight. 3/6x's WW has been drinking. Twice out until 2-3am. Some quality night together with your DD huh.

Last night for DD was almost the same as the last time I posted. Her and her friends did a drive by because WW was not home when the scheduled time to come to the house was. This is the first time DD noticed car at POSOP's house. I am refusing to call OP a Man so you fill in the blank for what would begin with P. Your choice. When they saw the WW's car at Baldos they went and got eggs and plastered his house.

DD said tonight when she got home she will stay in PLB now again for a while. It was two weeks the last time before she even talked to WW and even without my suggestion is talking at least a month or more now. All the feelings this puts her through really angers me. wHY PUT dd THROUGH THIS? It is sickly cruel.

My anger level has risen sharply with these past events and for me thats a dangerous place.

Over the past two weeks WW which I now will lovingly name-Bulldozer or BD for short= has insisted through DD that We- as in WW and I need to make joint decisions about DD as to who she is responsible to/for every event DD wants to participate in. WW wants to be informed of every place DD goes to and from. Times /places/time of return.

How or is this really necessary? What do other people do regarding teenagers that are new drivers? I thinks its a bit odd to have to REPORT when-where- who rides with-time traveling and time home. To me it feels like WW has a big control issue. I don't feel right about it and have searched some threads and never have really seen any comments about how this is handeled.

My feelings are that it is a way to get into our lives just a tiny bit to feel like she is a good concerned caring mother. Also when we have briefly talked she is quick to point out with angry criticism toward me anything she does not agree with.... It ain't pretty. I pretty much have become a news broadcaster with facts and then sit back for a reply. Even when DD talks to WW about an issue (when DD is at her house) usually petty-Run here-Run there-type of things-DD calls and tells me to call WW to see if she can go.

IM's are good but they are not always available nor do I personally feel it is an issue strong enough to even pass through them. Any thought here. I really would like freedom from any talk at all with the WW. Dad's apartment-Dad's rule. Moms place-Mom's rules? Or am I being Naive about this as a serious issue? The serious issue I feel is WW keeps some kind of unwanted communication with me.
Would texting be OK?

Any help would be appreciated.

Nesre