I have clinical depression,a mental illness....I dont take offense to being "accused" of mental illness...I have it...

Dealing with loss by hard drinking and sleeping pills is a form of depression, a mental illness (maybe not clinical, but depression none the less.)

I take offense to you taking offense to having a mental illness...you had one. You saw a professional to deal with it...get over it. We were only trying to help you. It seems to me if you were in a "happy" marriage you would not have come here for help with your obsessive thoughts.

Why did you come to the forum dealing with AFFAIRS, why? Because something was making you "unhappy"? We tried to help you deal with it head on...by learning by your past "mistakes" and dealing with them. You took offense to that for some reason. You took offense to everything we tried to tell you. You had a "perfectly happy" marriage. Then why did you come here?

I'm guessing google sent him.

BINGO!

Dang search engines messing up peoples wonderful marriages to their delicious wives.

I agree, depression is a harsh mental illness, but it is not bi-polar as was diagnosed by a poster here, who also spent a great deal of time announcing that I should be left to stew because I was apparently "cycling". Not the same at all. Grief and bi-polar are very different indeed.
I came here because the incident that happened prior to my marriage was playing on my mind and was wondering whether it was normal for this to happen. I had a great deal of trouble getting over the event and that was all. What the ensued was a quite unnecessary attempt to make me feel that the whole premise of my marriage was doomed to failure because of the way we met.
My marriage was fine at the time....I wasn't.
I have not taken offence to constructive advice about the very subject I came here for, I have just found some of the doom and gloom disheartening.
I don't think I am the bitter one here.
Good luck in finding happiness stillhere. I hope that the right one comes your way soon.x

This is one thing that you keep saying that I dont get...We were trying to get you to learn from your past mistakes and to do that we had to help you see your "past mistakes" so they would not be done in your current M....I dont even know why I was trying to help you since I loathe "affairages", but I was none the less.


And thank you, I hope I meet the right one when I am ready to....I am not ready for that yet since I am still married and I feel I still have work to do on myself.

I agree with you. I do keep saying that. Mainly because it bears no relevance. I am married, happily, and have listened long and hard to advice given and accepted and taken on board much of it.
The only reason that I reared my ugly head again was because I simply object to the fact that I was legally still married when I met my now wife seemed to be the focal point of where discussions lead and it did more harm than good in someone that was obviously suffering from insecurity issues at the point he joined this forum. That seemed to be the theme with Larry.
I already knew that I had been a complete bast@�rd in my relationship as you will read from my first post ever here. I had already accepted my part in the self fulfilling prophecy that was my relationship. Obviously, having been married once I was not about to step up to the plate again without making sure I was doing the right thing.
All has been well since I said the "I do", but a bit like a scar, the hurtful bits of my past seem to have healed slowly.
I can tell you that if you do find someone else, he will be a very lucky man.
x

Please don't feed the trolls.

I know, I know...Thanks for reminding me KA.

I don't know what you mean by trolls. please explain.

Folks were just trying to help you understand that an affairage is very likely to have an episode of a pajama party BJ with some stranger.

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[2] In addition to the offending poster, the noun �troll� can also refer to the provocative message itself, as in that was an excellent troll you posted. While the term troll and its associated action, trolling, are primarily associated with Internet discourse, media attention in recent years has made such labels highly subjective, with trolling being used to describe many intentionally provocative actions outside of an online context

ok. that makes sense.
Thanks Mai Mai, very helpful !! I WAS NOT MARRIED AT THE TIME. IHAD FINISHED THE RELATIONSHIP AND SHE WAS KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE !!

Affairage. Karma.

I WAS NOT MARRIED WHEN MY PARTNER GOT DRUNK AND STRAYED. IT WAS NOT, THEREFORE AND AFFAIRAGE AT THE TIME. NOR IS IT NOW.
READ LARRY'S LETTER FROM THE GOOD DR. HIMSELF !!

Well Bingo, that is quite a statement......However it is a complete
fallicy.

Think about it, HOW are we ever to decide what is right and what is wrong, if not for using jidgement?

Our great nation is even built on this. One third of our government is judicial, in which their entire job is to judge. Judge which laws should be allowed to be made, judge the actions of people who have wronged others, to judge what is right and what is wrong. I personally am THANKFUL for this, other the monster who molested my daughter and his step-daughter would be a free man today. All one needs is a hideous crime committed against him or his loved ones to see the GOOD that comes from having judges and juries, juries which are ALWAYS by their peers.

You might be thinking at this moment that my example is a bit extreme, after all adultery isn't a crime, at least not one on the law books (in some places in this country it still is......), HOWEVER, having been cheated on I KNOW the absolute hell and anguish it has caused, to me and my children. It was quite comperable to the hell we went through in my daughters ordeal. But then by stating that "We should not be judge and jury" I suppose I shouldn't trust my OWN judgement of that......however, I will be ever thankful that that is not the mantra this country was built upon.....

Not2fun

ps..... And since we should NEVER judge others, I will be highly offended if anyone judges my spelling and gramatical errors......

This is precisely why this site is unhelpful. A marriage, which is what I am in now, is just that, however it comes about.

I meant in relation to judging others relationships and how they wish to lead their lives within those relationships.
We are all different. One rule cannot apply to all. Isn't that communism or arranged marriage type areas ?

Precisely why you shouldn't have ever been upset and/or judgemental when your wife cheated on you. How she wishes to lead her life is none of your business. She's different and has her own set of rules, as do you....live and let live.

W

She was not my wife and I did not judge. I was upset, but as I have said earlier, we cannot own or control anyone, and if I were in her shoes at that time, I would have done that and worse. We weren't even together at the time.