AnnaBelleRose, I needed a good laugh tonight!!

wait, I made someone laugh?!?!



nice.

Amen. The scriptures tell us that happiness comes from obedience to the will of God. When we do what He commands, we will be happy. It may not be what our fleshly nature tells us happiness is, but as we unfortunates all know, pursuit of the fleshly nature causes misery.

Writer, that was so beautiful, I put that on my FB quotes section. Seriously, that was awesome.

If you're unmarried this line might work.

A "slam-bang" (that is, a quick attraction) is perfectly okay if you are unattached and so is the person you love. My grandparents knew each other for only 9 days before marrying for 40+ years.

When you are a married man or woman, guard yourself. You're not the town prize bull and not anyone's gift to women or men--except for your spouse!

You get married when you find the person you love, or else why would you have married them! Finding the person after marriage is a bunch of bull puckey and you know it.

(You in the previous mentions is made in reference to waywards)

I am always fascinated by people who say they "prayed to God" for something and then expect me to believe that "God" answered by sending something that clearly violates God's commands. It's not rocket science people!! God does not "bless" us with sin - duh! Of course, I say that in the most loving Christian way. I'll even sing kum-ba-ya for ya if ya STOP BEING WAYWARD.

Living life and basing one's choices upon "feelings" is a miserable way to live.

Of course "nothing hurts inside you"...

Waywards are dark & EMPTY vessels.

Some "great friend" though, condoning and promoting sin!

Mr. W

Hi all,
I just wanted to point out a couple of things.


I do not have anything against using words like "sin" or "God's commands". I was raised catholic but I am no longer a catholic (for 30 years now) so I know the language and it is fine as it describes specific moral codes and believes.

However I do not think that what a WS does has anything to do with God wanting a M to work, or sin etc...It certainly does if you have a specific religious belief, but on this forum we might find people of all faiths, or simply spiritual people who do not follow a religious belief.

The way I see it is in terms of integrity. Can you live with yourself after having lied, cheated, schemed and inflicted countless suffering to your spouse, kids and extended family?
It "appears" that many WS can. Still, they have lost their integrity because we all know that what they have done they can't ignore forever.
The "in love" feelings for OP mask the guilt and pain they feel from time to time but that they were able to push deeply down and ignore.
The worst hell is the hell we have inside. Hell is not a place you go to after you die. It is the place you are when you live a life without integrity.
So everytime we imagine the WS "happy" with OP, we know that they are happy in hell. If you can be happy in hell...then be my guest...you are forgiven.
Blessing

I just think it is ironic when the affairees bring "God" into the mix themselves, as if "God" would want them to cheat, lie and break up a family.

My FWH said he actually prayed with OW that she would not lose custody of her children.

That's true, God is the ultimate power and if he wants it...who can argue with Him!

Falling in love is a process. I agree. Especially when you are over 30 or 40. The love at first sight is really something a teenager can experience...but not a mature person with integrity.
My H told me he pursued his first A partner. I am sure he pursued his second one too.
That alone tells you he made himself fall in love with her and allowed her to spend time with him and opened his heart to her.
He said he did not feel safe opening his heart to me and that he did not like to spend time with me as I created anxiety to him. These are as powerful a statement as the god one.
Because when he tells people that people usually understand. We all know someone who we would not share our feelings with or with whom we do not like to spend time with.
When WH tells people that that's how our M evolved into...many do understand.
Many people are in bad M and feel exactly like my H did towards me. So they emphatize. But what they fail to see is that an A is not going to solve any problems for my WH. For some reason I truly believe it creates more of him.
It certainly created a ton for me...!!!!
Blessing

It is true that an affair really does have NOTHING to do with God. When I was in my A, I can guarantee you it wasn't God I was thinking about...it was my SELF, my libido, and my "happiness" (insert gag here). I can only guess what it's like when I wayward doesn't even believe in any type of absolute to being with. Yeeks!

The next time a ws or anyone else for that matter says that God wants them to be happy, kindly ask them to point to the passage in scripture they are referring to. They can't because it doesn't exist.

As for the choosing to fall in love. It is not as easy as it seems. I completely agree that love is a choice, and I can choose to love anyone. But there are many types of love and to "Fall in Love" is another matter. I cannot force myself to "fall in love" with just anyone. I can think of many people I could just never "fall in love" with, no matter how hard I tried.

What we are really talking about is having boundaries in which we choose not fall in love with someone.

While it is true that I can't force myself to "fall in love" with some people. I can walk into a room full of 50 people and find more than a few that I could let myself "fall in love" with.

"What we are really talking about is having boundaries in which we choose not fall in love with someone."

Very wise words

When I was a teenager, I could get any guy I wanted...I seemed to love losers. My mother and I saw my future WH in Church every Sunday with his family. When I went on one date with him, well my MOTHER decided that he was the one for me.

I couldnt stand him...why? because he was sooo sweet and nice and as a teenager I hated that....Everytime he called I said "Ma tell him I am not home, he is not my type at all" (skinny, nice and kindof goofy to me).

Well my mom would not have it...she would give me the phone and tell me how wonderful this boy was....this was the kiss of death to me....but when other boys called she would tell them I wasnt home and when I would go out with them she would make it very difficult for me....They werent allowed within a 100 mile radius of my house and future WH could come in and have dinner.

Well guess what...he was so nice and sweet after about a year of this I gave him another date after he practically stalked me...I fell head over heels in love and am still in love to this day 20 years later.

I think it was his niceness and loyalty that made his looks better and better to me. Now he is not skinny and is a gym rat and muscular....and now after all this affair stuff I have gained 50 lbs and have no self esteem. Tables turned some how over the years and I was the puppy dog doin everything to build him up and make him happy...I guess I am having my karma now for my selfish teenage ways.

But I fell in love with someone as a teen who was absolutely not my type...then he turned into my type somehow. Love is weird.

I think it's absolutely possible to fall in love with someone who isn't your type. The thing is though, this happened because you opened your heart to this person and allowed yourself to get to know him, and then you started to find things about him that appealed to you that perhaps you didn't see at first. There's nothing wrong with that if you are single, but it presents quite a problem if you're already married to someone else. My H definitely wasn't my "type" either. He was a straight-laced, all-American, Richie Cunningham kind of guy and I tended toward the long-haired, rebellious, bad-boy type in my younger years. Looking back on it, I'm very glad that I didn't end up marrying someone who was my "type" because those kind of guys usually don't make particularly good husbands.

For me, falling in "love" with the OM was definitely a choice. It was a bad choice, but it was a choice nonetheless. I allowed those boundaries to weaken. I didn't see anything wrong with having a close "friend" of the opposite sex. Was it really so bad that I enjoyed spending time with this person? Where was the harm in us going out to lunch together or hanging around the bookstore in between classes? But there was a lot of harm in it. The more we talked and spent time together, the closer we became, and when you start to get close to someone, it's easy to let those boundaries blur. Things that would have felt wrong before, like a casual touch, no longer seem so bad. They become comfortable, familiar. And then, before you even realize it, those casual encounters are no longer so casual. By the time I found myself alone in a room late at night with the OM and our "friendship" turned into something far more, what I was doing didn't feel wrong anymore, because I had let him inside my heart. I had allowed myself to fall in "love" with him. It was most definitely a choice. It could never have happened if I hadn't allowed myself to walk that road.

Yes, definitely a choice....and that was my point...if I could fall in love with my Future WH, when I actually couldnt stand him(for his good qualities I might add)...you can choose to fall back in love with your spouse, who you were in love with when you married.

Falling in love IS a gift from God: God made the neuro-chemical equipment that makes falling in love so wonderful, and He gave it to you as a gift! And He also expects you to use it responsibly. SINCE you can fall in love with the person you are married to, and SINCE if you are not married you can fall in love with someone else who is not married, you have no business destroying your family or anyone else's to experience this gift from God.

Incidentally, how many of you have heard that speech at church, but about sex, instead of about falling in love?

My question is - whatever happened to, "What God has joined, let no man put asunder"??? Because I seem to have this memory of that from my wedding ceremony; that and, "Do you promise to love and cherish M forever, till death do you part? I do."

WH actually TOLD me he never believed in fate or soulmates until he met OW. He's lucky I refrained from kicking him in the balls. Instead I just threw up a little in my mouth.

YES, you can help who you fall in love with. ESPECIALLY after you've promised your love to someone for the rest of your life!