And I am in no way judging you.....I just think you need to accept that you made a big mistake, period...stop making excuses for it, there is no excuse for what you did. Face it, move on and learn from it.

Hmmmm....
The only thing I can think of that would couse that amount of failure would be human error. The pill MUST be taken everyday, at as close to the same time as possible. That, or it simpley did not work for your partner.

I have not insulted your wife, nor was I attempting to insult your children. I was simply curiouse about why you chose to make a baby with someone you knew you did not love, you blamed contraceptive failure so I enquired as to wich one.

I DEMAND you apologise for insinuating I was saying such at labeling me a biggot!!

Thats another reason your having problems with many posters here. Most of these folks are deeply religious and believe that marriage is a sacred thing, not just some legal paper. They believe that there are very few reasons that God will allow for divorce.

Many here would argue that in the eyes of the creator, you are still married to your first wife.

You do not share those beliefs, and probably think there silly. So of course you cant see eye to eye with most here. Your belief systems are fundamentally different

Methinks bingo just enjoys the thrill of arguing his point. Where better to do that than here?

Honestly, if I had torn my ex wifes heart out by leaving or there was any possibility that it was a marriage that could be saved then I would still be there. We were both unhappy being together and actually get on far better now we apart than i think we ever did when married. I have said before. We spend Christmas together with all the kids and my wife and my ex wife loves to look after all the kids. It may seem weird, but when we found out that she was pregnant 21 years ago, we were about to part. We stayed together because we were young naive and tried to be parents. There was no romance, no loving partnership, I seriously cannot even remember holding her hand let alone cuddling in front of the TV. We never kissed, rarely shared a bed but stayed together for the kids. For crying out loud I had a separate house for 8 years of our marriage so that we could both be apart but together for the kids....if that makes sense.
Trust me when I tell you, that if you asked my ex wife now whether she has any resentment or angst in her about our divorce, she would answer no.
She is happy, I am happy, the kids are happy. Surely that is all that matters here.
My behaviour and my wifes error off judgement are entirely different things.

Yeah, and I really keep thinking he will get it...but you are right he must already get it, he is just a TROLL.

Any one up for a trip down memory lane...well if you are stay here and keep reading.

Gack, I am sorry.
As I said over 20 years as far as I am aware the pill was taken regularly, but obviously some things medical can affect that.
The truth Gack. I did not know what love was. I was created from a loveless marriage and as such, at the age of 20 thought it was fine to bumble along the way I was, but as I grew up a little it became obvious that it was not a satisfactory arrangement for anyone. Again, no excuse, but when I met my current wife I felt love for the first time in my life and really struggled to deal with that. My behaviour over the years to my wife has been mainly down to closeness issues it appears. Thus the constant rejection. It is only in recent times that I have bulldozed the wall that separated me from my wife.
I am sorry that religion has got in the way of some peoples opinion, but there is nothing I can do about that. I appreciate their perspective on this but do wonder how someone who is committed to faith could even contemplate an affair with God watching.

troll ?

Yes, bingo, you a troll.

sorry, I don't know what that means.

For your review:

Now you're another 40 posts sucked out of the good people here Bingo and you're still here. Why???

Read what I quoted for your review just prior to that post: Troll means you exploit the good nature of people here for your own attention-seeking purposes.

State your purpose here honestly in terms of the difficulty you are now having with your relationship or go away.

I posted this for you a few pages back, but I can understand your short attention span......again from wikipedia:


In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into a desired emotional response[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[2] In addition to the offending poster, the noun �troll� can also refer to the provocative message itself, as in that was an excellent troll you posted. While the term troll and its associated action, trolling, are primarily associated with Internet discourse, media attention in recent years has made such labels highly subjective, with trolling being used to describe many intentionally provocative actions outside of an online context.

Quite simply. I obsess about the one mistake my wife made prior to our marriage and cant seem to get it out of my head. It hurts.
She has never done anything else but been perfect, but it was so out of character.

It has made me paranoid. I look at her emails, check her phone, ask where she has been and I just want to be able to trust that now we have found each other finally, nothing will ever threaten us again.
My rug was pulled and possibly deservedly so, but I was insecure before. This has pushed me over.

What mistake? Are you talking about the kiss? The intercourse/rape? The BJ? The fact that she was in a house full of people and didn't alert anyone to her plight? The fact that she came home after being 'raped' and told you she wanted to leave you?

I did'nt actually want an appology. I was simply attempting to show you how silly demanding an appology is. A heart felt appology will come with no demand for it.

Indeed.

See, here is where we get into the affairage part.

Most of us (BS's) have heard this before, from our waywards, about there affair partner. My WW told me she never loved me, and didn't even know what love was untill she met OM. This is of cours all Fog babble and rewrighting of history.

Strangley, this all after her affair ended.




You sound like them, you sound like an active wayward......

(To quote someones sigline on here)
If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck, then it's a duck. If not, then the duck should explain how it's not a duck.



I, and many BS's wonder the same thing...
And usually after the affair, the wayward wonders the same thing too.

I think that this is where the confusion lies.
I had dumped her, but I had done that many times before. The party was a family affair, but she was alone with the man in question at the end of the night when everyone else was in bed. She was blind drunk and feeling rejected and lonely and kissed the man.
He took it the wrong way and leapt at the chance and tried and tried even though she was saying no to get inside her. She was fully clothed (pyjamas) and he whipped his off. She was struggling to keep his hands away from her bottoms but somehow he got them down for a second and entered her. She pushed him off and said no, but he was quite forceful and tried to push her back again. Her get out was the BJ which she hates doing, always has as she was raped as a young girl in that way. For her it is a non intimate thing and it is not part of her repertoire. What it did do was stop him and allow her then to leave the room quickly, which she did.
She froze and in a drunken haze really lost control of a situation that was meant to be nothing more than a kiss.
So, yes, she was unfaithful, yes he was forceful and in the eyes of the law committed rape and yes she regretted it, but because he was a distant relative did not wish to create a massive family problem as the man was her step fathers wifes son.
The wanting to leave me was an entirely different matter that had been brewing and on the cards for some considerable time.
Hope that makes sense.