also. I blame myself for the whole thing really. I am wracked with guild about the fact that had I been a half decent human being she would never have been in that position in the first place. If I could rewind the clock, so much would have been different and she would never have had to endure what she has both from me and on the night in question.
I am truly so grateful for the help I have had here.

Bingo

Slow down.

I would like to ask you a few questions and I may not give much response at first. I just need honest answers. Hopefully it may lead you to this:

Your first post-->




BTW this answer probably will not come to you by next Tuesday. This may take time.

You put a lot into the first post and if its taken apart you may find a lot of your answers there.

Others may join in to help and some may be hung up on the Affairage. We can come back to that later.

This concerns BINGO personally. What is Bingo doing/done. You can tell me none of my business or go to he11 if you want.

Would you be willing to answer pointed questions from your posts and answer??

Nesre

Yes . Fire away .

Do you share any custody with your ExW? Does present W share any custody with ExH?



When and what was the rehab for?




For clarity this was 2008-Right?

See, once again you do not understand responsibility and accountability. SHE put herself in that situation. No one but HER. You were a jerk and a bad boyfriend, you abused her, but SHE made the choice to kiss another man. She did not choose to then be forced into a sexual act, but SHE chose to go to a party, get drunk and make out with a guy (I'm not saying she's to blame for the rape- she absolutely is NOT, but she is responsible for putting herself in that situation).

If she had had some self-respect she would have left you at the first 'breakup' or your first night of drunken abuse.

SHE is responsible for HER actions and CHOICES. NOT YOU!!!

You are responsible for your actions: your affair, your drinking, your abuse, your dysfunction. You are NOT responsible for her choices and she is not responsible for yours.

Once you get that through your head you can begin to heal.

Feel guilt remorse for your abuse of her, feel guilt remorse for your drinking, feel guilt remorse for the poor boundaries that destroyed your first son's family and began this relationship in an affair.

REMORSE, not guilt - guilt is debilitating, remorse spurs you to positive action.

YOU were not in the room raping your girlfriend, you were not the one that got her drunk, you were not holding a gun or forcing her to kiss the guy. The responsibility for the rape lies with her rapist, not with you.

Focus on helping her heal from that, encourage her to enforce her boundaries and respect them yourself.

Focus on what you can do to ensure you do not abuse, drink or ruin this family too.

My kids (2) from first marriage always lived with me 50% of the time from the day I left ex wife . They are not shared in custody with anyone else . Eldest now 20 and at university second now 17 and lives with me most of the time .My wife has only been married to me and we have 2 children 6&4 and one on way .
Rehab was drink and sleeping pills 2007 . Depression was a huge issue for years after my father died . Never a major drinker prior to that event .

Yes December 2008 .

Taken on board v

Just so we are absolutely clear by kissing I mean lips together not " French" kissing . Cultural differences have been a problem here as has language .

Oh, and V . What affair ? I have not been unfaithful to my wife even when we were not married . Do you mean to my ex ?

Yes the one with your ex, if you did it once you can do it again unless you put in proper boundaries to keep it from happening again. What boundaries do you have in place?

To be honest, I would never allow myself to be in a position where it could happen and when I have been hit on, I run a mile . The gain of a moments passion would be outweighed a million to one by the loss of all I have now .
Also , it never, ever crosses my mind . Really .

What is the difference when the mouth she is kissing is not yours?

I was not suggesting either are good, just that one is more intimate in my book .

For the vast majority of our time together I have battled depression combined with too much booze and

Rehab was drink and sleeping pills 2007 . Depression was a huge issue for years after my father died . Never a major drinker prior to that event .

HAVE YOU ABSTAINED FROM BOOZE AND DRUGS? DO YOU USE SOME TYPE OF SUPPORT SYSTEM?


IS THIS LIST STILL TRUE TODAY? if so which ones?

in reality treated her like [censored].

She comes from a very broken home and wished for security, but even though we were engaged and lived together I never truly committed and used to end the relationship on a fairly regular basis and even though she is truly beautiful made her feel like dirt.

I have called her names beyond what anyone should tolerate and could not have made her feel more insecure if I tried.

No joint bank account only my name on the house etc etc.

On top of that I used to holiday alone a lot and

spent a month in rehab

did very little with her and the kids and

rarely involved myself in her side of the family.

BTW -V EXCELLANT POST -THIS MAY TAKE A LONG WHILE

Nesre

I am on naltrexone so booze not a problem . Thank god !
The list has never been visited since jan 2009 . It doesn't feature in our lives .
In fact, she controls our entire financial estate . Now from a freakish control freak when it comes to business that it HUGE !!!
I have questioned the event of 2008 , but not called her a name or treated her badly and have only spent one night away in 16 months .

Oh and no drugs apart from prescribed enter my body .

And I employed the very man that discovered naltrexone , dr Sinclair to treat me .

Wow a famous polygraph guy and now a famous doctor!

This just keeps getting more and more unbelievable...

How 'bout DEM apples! Dang. I just went to a regular Joe.