My wife just recently found out that I was cheating on her with a woman and had a few encounters orally with men. I know I am a disgusting pig that doesn't deserve her. We have been married for 11 years, have 2 beautiful kids. I cheated with the woman in 08 and last other was in December. I had talked to this woman for 3 years on average 3 or so times a week via texting. I wouls also meet her for lunch on occasion. My wife insitists that we had a relationship going on, I don't feel like it was. I consodered it as a friendship and ues I know that is a form of a relationship but I had no sensual feelings for her, just a friend and sex. I would also cruse the internet for porn or other sexual ways to get off on a regular basis. I have deleted all my porn and have blocked all porn on my computer and have ended any and all comminication with the other woman. I even told her off in an email. I have started doing everything around the house now and continually tell her I'm sorry and hate myself for this. Am going to counseling by myself and with her. I am not sure what else I need to do or can do to prove that I am for real in that I want her and her alone and want to fix this. I have put gps on my phone so she can track me and given her full access to all my online accounts. What else do I need to do? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

When did you end all the communication w/OW?

Naveguy,
You will probably experience a lot of 2x4's around here to begin with like this

But please don't run away. We may be cruel and rude in the beginning but thats only because most people here are the betrayed spouse (bs) and its rare for a wayward spouse (ws) to come here for beatings.

am i reading this right...oral sex with "men"...meaning u are bisexual?

Well, naveguy, be prepared for a lot of skepticism on this!

Cheating is cheating, physical or emotional or both. When you choose to violate your marriage by having sex with someone who is not your spouse, and constantly having communication with that person, YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR. Own up to it.


When did you end all contact with OW? When did these oral encounters with other men happen, does your wife know about them, and are you in danger of them happening again? Because I see a lot about the other woman, but nothing about the men.

Why did you need to use porn to get off? Is this an addiction?

Been typing long?

And you seriously don�t view spending three years of having conversations, texts, lunch and sex with a woman as a relationship?

I take it these were not just conversations?

Were these relationships?

Naveguy,
welcome to MB.

Have you read the 10 basic concepts? A link to them can be found in the red section at the top of the page. Also I recommend you read the 'abbreviations' thread on the 'special announcements' forum. We use alot of acronyms here, not to be smart, but because alot of what we say is lengthy.

I also recommend getting your hands of a copy of "surviving after an affair" ASAP.

Encourage your wife to post. We can help her as well.

Please take wary of TMI, like any public forum, not all members are as exemplary as others.

Have you written some extraordinary precautions to show you wife that you now consider her peace of mind to be uppermost in importance?

Lil, you're so nice.

not entirely, usually when I welcome newbies, I add that I am sorry that they have to be here.

Troll alert.

1/2 and hour later and I get it...

I would guess that your name was intended to be

NAIVE GUY

Which, if you were, you would not be. A juxtaposition, no?

Anyway.


In spite of the fact that I am immediately suspicious of the veracity of your story, I will offer advice.

1. Review your definition of "relationship". What you fail to understand in the real world is that most females (Read: YOUR WIFE) recognize that sexual intercourse regularly with a woman equates to a "relationship". You may choose to attempt to escape this FACT; your choice to attempt this does not change that FACT.

2. The presentation of your story initially would lead the reader to believe you had a single recent encounter with a woman (your wording starts out that your wife found out that you were cheating with "A WOMAN".) Then, your story swiftly erases that fact and adds in ANOTHER - a second affair - earlier. Then, you change it again, and turns out that this affair isn't a short-term gig, but a long-term affair that tracks over a period of time (three years). Then you add in the oral sex with men.

Your wife will have overwhelming difficulty believing she knows the full truth of your sexual exploitations outside of the marriage. Given the linguistic presentation of your initial post, which is quite misleading, my guess is that you likely do this in your interactions with your wife.

My advice, if your story is at all true (and you are not a troll, I have my doubts), is that you probably should take a dip in the fountain of TRUTH, and shower your wife with the after-effects. Make sure you are fully immersed, bro, and drag your wife in with you. She won't believe anything you say.

3. The GPS addition to the phone is easily overcome, if you wanted to get around that. I wouldn't trust you with an ice cream cone if I were your wife, so don't expect her to trust you much. Do not ask her to "get over it", and whatever you do, don't expect that you are entitled to forgiveness, privacy, secrecy, time on your own, or even a semblence of a life where you make many independent choices. Your betrayed spouse will NEED to look over your shoulder - and probably rightly so. You haven't had much self-control, so someone needs to help you figure out how to do that, right?

4. If you can handle TOUGH criticism, TOUGH feedback, and an extremely rough ride, this is the place. If your story is true, this is the place for help. If it isn't, the posters here will figure it out fairly quickly. If you truly need help, hang in here, be open, honest, and take your criticism and advice for what they are:

actual people who take the time to point you in the right direction

whether you LIKE IT OR NOT

and they WILL tell you what you are doing wrong

every step of the way.


Don't be afraid to listen to advice that makes you mad. It's probably what you need to hear the most.

SB

Read schoolbus' post and the advice about reading Surviving An Affair....twice. And read the 2X4 warnings - remember 2X4's are for your good. I am a FWW, and every nasty thing people say about cheating is entirely accurate. This is a process, not a one-time event - recovery. It takes work and time and honesty and humility.

Now, I know there are varying viewpoints about this, but I want you to think really hard about these encounters you have had with men. You need to figure out who you are with regard to this. I do not think it is fair to expect a woman to continue a marriage with a man who has homosexual leanings, or vice versa.

Amazon will ship Surviving an Affair overnight.

Dat funny.

He may just be bi-curious.

One never knows. After all, he is nave.

Well to everyone if these lame [censored] jokes are all you have then yeah I'll be fine. I have been in the navy for 18 years, I think I can handle the cruel and unusal punishment.

Yes I know this is a site for those that have been betrayed and that is why I was directed to this site to get the other sides perspective and advice.

Yes my story is real, I am not a troll, I love my wife and relize that I have made a HUGE mistake in life, do to being a pig and lack of better judgement. THat is why I am here to get myself fixed so she and I can move forward. I know that this is not an overnight fix and that it will take years for us to get anywhere, but I am willing to forgo that just so I can stay with her.

I understand that what I was doing with the OW was a type of relationship. I know that it was all wrong, and I know that a friendship is a relationship, but I had no real "heart" feelings for her and I am guessing thats why I don't see it as a "relationship".

The men thing I have no idea what I was thinking or doing. It was with a few diffierent men and it was just oral and then we parted ways and never looked back.

The sex with the OW took place in Dec 08 and the men were scattered through out that year. For the most of 09 I just texted with the OW until Dec I was with another man for a BJ. The urge just got the best of me.

I know all of you hate me for what I am and I don't blame you, hell I hate myself for what I did. I had even contimplated suicied cause I don't deserve to live for how I treated my wife, she deserves so much better. But thank you for those of you that have offered advice.

I am in a Sex Addicts Annonymous 12 step program to help me with the internet pron and sexual urges but I am here looking for help on what I need to fix myself so i can show her I want to be here and what little support there is out there to help me on my end.