Thanks Pep. I know you're just trying to lend support. I was just kidding about the guilt trip.

It would be interesting to hear from others here on how he can go to Plan B or whatever MB plan would work. I may be missing something. I see his wife moving the kids out of their home to a strange home in NY, while wife runs with her OM and works on her dream. Meanwhile, TryingEverything will be paying child support and not seeing his kids.

His attorney can keep the boys in their home and with their father. If the Mrs. goes off to work on her dream with the OM, then SHE can pay child support.

She is not going to leave our home without the kids.

She doesn't seem like she plans on running off to NY with the kids anymore. She has now come to the realization that she needs to get a job in the state we live in. She says she doesn't want to take the kids away from their father.

We bought our house at the top of the market and we'd have to short sell to get rid of it right now.

That said, she is on the phone with her enabler friend every day. And I believe she emails the OM once again from the public library.

I really want to just divorce her at this point. And I don't feel like shelling out the $ for a separate residence for myself to Plan B her. I'm already blowing enough on lawyer fees.

Removed WW from all credit cards. Stopped direct deposit of my checks into our bank account. Getting a P.O. box in the morning. Lawyer began process of filing for D.

TE, this is Marriage Builders, not "Marriage at all costs." There is nothing that says when one spouse goes wayward that the other spouse has to do everything (or anything, for that matter) to save the marriage.

There are principles here which, when practiced by the willing, enable that person to recover their sense of self and sanity whether or not the marriage is recovered!

Like so many others, I came here lost, confused, hurting and fearful. I read everything I could, I bought the books, and I followed the advice given to me. In the end, I came to the same realization that you have: my wife was far too gone and my Love Bank was so overdrawn that the only sane choice was to divorce. That is still in process as I type.

I was fortunate with respect to Plan B, as my wayward wife said she was moving out, and we signed an agreement to that affect. As she left, I went into Plan B and have been there ever since.

You have worked Plan A, and know that it alone rarely is enough to end an affair. Even Plan B is not guaranteed to recover a marriage. It may only be my perspective, but from reading the stories here since I've come on board, fewer marriages have reached recovery than not (of course, there are some whose stories just --stop-- and one assumes they've left because MB became too much to deal with).

Adultery is a horrible crime. Hollywood and the press likes to portray it as a "victim-less" crime. If only they were required to spend time here reading the many stories.

I believe there are two kinds of wayward spouses: The first is the "accidental" affair, where boundaries are weak and the affair happens almost by accident. The other is the "dysfunctional" affair, where one or both of the affairees just lack something that acts as a "maturity governor" and their entire lives --including the affair-- are "all about me and my feelings." This second type is almost beyond redemption, as their problems run deeper than just the affair. My WW was one of these. It sounds like yours might be, also.

If that's the case, you do yourself and your kids a human kindness by removing her from your daily lives as best you can.

Good luck.

I'm not sure what to make of my WW. I really truly loved her. And still do. She says it was an "accidental affair" but I don't know about that. She has also said to me..."What about me?"

She is so lost right now. She just isn't thinking. And she certainly doesn't hear what I am saying. Unfortunately, she's got a couple of toxic friends that have her ear.

If I could remove the OM and her toxic friends, I think she would revert to her old self. But it's kind of too late for that for me. I just want to get a divorce and let her hit rock bottom. She's like a drug addict that has to overdose before she can finally can start recovery.

At this point I don't even know if I could reconcile with her even if she did everything right. Who knows, maybe we'll get married again some day. In the meantime, at least I won't have to pay alimony

It is the prerogative of every BS to not take the WS back. If you want to D, that is your business.

Another MBer remarried her WS after a divorce. If they can, so can you, should YOUR WS change in the right ways.

TE, make a list.

A list of everything your WW would have to do before you'd consider even dating her again.

If you ever get the chance, give the list to her.

Then let time and fate do their work.

Great stuff, FRED!

WW was served with Divorce papers yesterday afternoon.

Have you heard anything from her?

Yeah, we had dinner with the kids together last night but I told her I really didn't feel like talking about it.

Not sure there's much left to say. When I speak, she doesn't listen. When she speaks, she lies.

Still don't think she realizes the financial dire straights coming her way.

She will soon. Prepare for nicey-nice and empty promises.

Yeah, she has been awfully nice.

Car dilemma: I have not gotten a new car since my lease ran out a few months ago.

WW's car lease runs out mid-June.

I was thinking of buying myself an inexpensive car. Do I need to help her out with a car so that she can drive the kids around?

What does your Lawyer say and what does your D decree say? Did you stipulate anything about the car?

Since WW got served with D papers on Friday, she has been very nice to be around and hasn't brought up the divorce once. We actually had a really great weekend together with the kids... weird.

DO NOT help her in any way if at all possible. That's part of divorce, she has to do this sh@$ on her own with her own time and money.

Spoke with WW last night about short-selling our house. We bought in 2006 at top of the market

WW is meeting with her attorney today to discuss the D papers she was served. I am still hoping we can have a fairly amicable divorce because I don't feel like running up huge debts.

Custody is definitely going to be a thorny issue, because in a year or so she's going to want to take the kids back to NYC.

We are both meeting with a financial planner tomorrow morning.

Make sure you have a clause in any custody agreement or judgement that the children are not to be moved out of State and that they aren't to be moved more than 20 minutes away driving distance. Any such move would require a new custody hearing to determine the best interests of the children.

No real news to report. Another weekend with the kids and WW. So weird. We've been going to Catholic mass each Sunday and there are so many guilt-laden sermons, it's great. I simply don't know how my WW is living with herself.

At this point, I want the Divorce. I am so drained both emotionally and financially, I just want to get away from this woman.

I feel awful for my children. But I did not cause this.