At the minute everything is exposed to everyone. She's staying at his. OMW has been texting WW to get lost. OM&WW went shopping with kids yesterday. I can't beleive she enjoyed that but she still isn't coming back except to quickly get some clothes when I went out.

Let's see how it goes over next few days...

A lot has happened in a few days, some good, some bad. Mainly seems bad. WW has moved back home but only if I wasn't there because she finds it too awkward and doesn't like the talking all the time. I desperately try to avoid it but it keeps coming up. I had the choice of letting her stay at home and I move to my parents for a few days, or she stays at OM house as there is nowhere else. I chose to move to my parents for a few days. I don't know if it's the right decision.

Also, we went out for the whole day yesterday, she wanted to talk about the flat and what to do, sell it or rent it out, etc etc. I made no commitments but she is actively looking for a flat to rent now. I tried so hard not to talk about how crap I felt, but when she complained over and over, all I could say was I was doing it for us and to get the truth out because I couldn't take the secrets and lies anymore. I didn't apologise but we talked over and over about it and I told her what massive damage she was doing to 4 peoples lives by being with him (me OMW & 2 small children) it was a real bad day. Neither of us could hold it together. It makes her even more reluctant to be with me. However she did admit she loves me as a friend which is a step up from hatred!

Finally I contacted OMW who, although in the process of divorce, is having another go at making things awkward for them two from their side. We are regularly emailing to compare notes.

I'm not sure whether to mail senior management at their office about misconduct. My wifes dad already has and WW now is mad with him. Should I also phone and intimidate OM. Threats and stuff? I'd happily hospitalise him but it would only generate sympathy for him. Every course of action has an up and downside, what do people think? Thanks for the posts, encouragement, advice. I read them again whenever I need a boost of morale! Video clip also very funny!

andy, that's your house ... why did she give you a choice that involved making you move out? Who is she to dictate that?

Go back! Sleep in your bed!

Andy, you are making it very easy for your WW's A. Stop being so accommodating! MOVE BACK HOME. Let her know that you are staying in YOUR HOME.

The fact that WW is mad at her father for exposing tells you that the exposure was effective. Yes, you should expose this at work if they are working together.

Yes, I would call POSOM and let him know that he is dallying with YOUR WIFE and you do not accept him in your marriage. Let him know that you intend to do whatever it takes to save your marriage.

Is there a way to keep your kids away from this man? Can you talk to an attorney to see about setting up visitation so that it is supervised? What is the sitch with your kids? Are they with WW?

Just a reminder, Andy:

What a different man I would be today if, twenty years ago, when my mother had told my dad to leave, he had responded "Why? I'm not the one who's unhappy."

Exposure is not supposed to be gradual. You're supposed to have already done this. You're supposed to expose to everybody, all at once.

Okay, that answers my 'kid question'. But the question remains: why did you move out of your house?

You moved out of your house?!?

GO BACK. NOW!!!

The reason I moved out is because if I'm there, she goes to his. I understand it being too accomodating but weighing it up in my mind, I preferred the option where they are not together. OM is def not at the house cos I checked. Also the OMW checked.

Just to clarify, I have no kids, they are his kids I was talking about. I was just saying he's ruining their lives too.

All of her work know, already. I'll
put in a senior management formal complaint now as well. WW is devastated by the whole thing. She hasn't had a spare minute since exposure when somebody hasn't reminded her!

I can see I'm being a doormat here. But I can't have her staying with him. I'll
move back in tomorrow.

Yessirreee, bob, you are being a doormat. So LET her go to his! Let his BS raise he77 with him when she finds that out. Let the magic start coming off the affair when she sees his skid-marked jockeys on the floor! Let the magic start coming off the affair when he realizes he can't leave his skid-marked jockeys on the floor! You thought moving out of your home is going to keep them from being together???

Ok ok I see what you mean. It's all about the skidmarks. I'm going back.

Ten to one if you don't move back that she'll move him in, try and keep him hidden for a bit until she thinks you won't move back. Move back in.

HOLY CRAP!!

Andy, you are your own worst enemy. It is RARE that someone is this HELPFUL and enabling to the affair. First off, you move out, giving her complete freedom and comfort to carry on her affair. And then, you don't expose to her workplace!! Andy!! Whose side are you on? Because I cannot tell.

Is this the Help The OM Program?? Because he is the only one benefitting from all this.

If you won't fight for your marriage I assure you that no one else will. Running from the problem and avoiding conflict is going to make it worse, my friend!!

And are you ready to do real exposure?

Andy, did you go home?

Please read this:

Men, do not leave your home!

Yes I'm back home! She's moved out and will hopefully be experiencing skidmarks some time soon. Have also made an official complaint to WW employer in addition to previous exposure and formal complaint from my father in law (who has been such a good guy to me since finding out). Also had a real good night out with friends that really helped. I think I can Now pull off a proper carrot AND stick plan A (Ive been finding the stick bit difficult as it feels like pushing her away). I Read the leaving house thread and totally understand although I still can't stand the thought of her being with him. Thanks guys.