You also did very well not to let her take the 4 YO. Never let her leave with the kid, that is a mistake many men make and live to regret.

YEG- You did awesome. I am proud of you my friend. Now, it is not a LB to stand up for yourself. Plan A isn't kiss WW's butt at all costs.

Now after moving back home and standing up about the kid not leaving, how do YOU feel right now?

pretty good. She is at her parents house so she would be safe but it was a matter of principle.

Kinda if you are gonna carry on like a kid you can do it by yourself.

One thing that REALLY pissed me of was during the A she met him TWICE with the kid. Just for lunch but it REALLY pissed me off. Even at the time when I didnt know (or wouldn't see) the A.

He even sent her a birthday card last year from UNCLE OM.
i confronted her about it then but she claimed it was a figure of speech. Man I was stupid.

its nice standing up like a man though.

Ughh checked the messages today. OM texted Her. GRRRRRRR

QUESTION

i asked her what he had to say in the text. She refused to tell me. She is already seething at me. I definatly didnt help any by asking her.

Did I screw up? If I see a text or call from him should I ask her about it?

I immediately exposed her to her dad. Now she is saying she is staying at her dads again tommorow.

Im sure I did the right thing but I need reassurance. WW is just SO upset.

I NEVER understand the "Uncle" term being used for OM or BF's of Moms. I mean, how confusing for kids. My Mommy is having sex with my uncle.

YEG, you did very well. I am sure you feel GOOD because you know you are headed in the right direction. Keep it up. What are you planning next? Ramping up Plan A?

Do you pay for the cell phone? If so, cancel it.

YEG,

You are doing good but you need to realize that your wife is going to be furious after exposure. That's OK, it's all part of it. She will say some horrible things to you. Ignore it. THrough all this you need to remain "James Bond". Think calm, cool, collected, and confident. Don't be frazzled by her outbursts or mean things that she will say.

Let her stay at her dad's. He is much better than the OM and will probably have some positiv influence over her as well.

Hang in there, and use this time to start planning out your Plan A, and reading on here. What are your plans to meet her top ENs? How are you going to prevent yourself from committing LBs? How are YOU going to change your behavior to be a better man?

Work on you. Her anger will take care of itself.

Im currently in plan A.

I am currently running again. She really got into running about 6 months ago. So ive asked her several times to go running with her

She loves to get out of town for the weekend so im doing that as well. Took her off this weekend and we had alot of fun.

I never supported her ideas for the marriage. I need to do this better.

I always supported her very well finacially but not her financial ideas. When she lost her job I didnt support her. i just worried how I was gonna fix it. I screwed up that chance.

Currently when she tries to pick a fight with me I just change the subject. Like when she was mad at the moving back in plan.

She is getting very tired of the "im just a man trying to save his marriage" answer. i need a better babble counter phrase there.


Thanks for answering. This was literally keeping me awake so hopefully i can get some rest before work tommorow. Probably gonna have to follow up with the OM COC since he texted her again. If they haven't questioned him yet I might ramp it up a notch and go to the IG's office. She is already as pissed as Ive ever seen her so one more thing isnt gonna matter.

I do pay for it. I would rather be able to monitor it though. That way I can document it to the OM COC for his investigation if needed. I dont care if he gets in serious trouble I just want the contact to STOP NOW.

If the first sargeant we talked to wont take action i can find someone who will.

Keep saying that you are a man trying to save his marriage. It WILL get through to her. It will just take a while.

Keep saying it!

Good attitude. You are already 'dirty' so you might as well jump in the mud! Seriously though, the IG may be the way to go and I suggest you do it soon. They HAVE to investigate all allegations where the 1SG may choose to try to sweep it under the rug.

As far as her picking fights with you, try to be a good active listener. Try not to argue too much, but say things like, "you have given me a lot to think about here. Let me get back to you on this if I can." You should also repeat her complaints back to her to show that you are listening and understand her (even if it is ridiculous). Say something like, "so what I hear you saying is that you feel I was never doing xxxxxx enough and that made you feel angry". Try not to argue or sell your point. She isn't interested yet as it is still all about her.

You did the right thing. You are not the one who is cheating.

But you need to do more serious snooping if you want to know the truth. You are not gonna get it from active wayward!

If your WW gets busted for contacting OM or vice versa, DO NOT reveal your source!

Just use every tool available to snoop, collect (and store!) the information and expose. If you hesitate, come here and we will help you to pick the best course of action.

You are doing great. Much better than most BS-s in your situation.

For the cell phone, go to the Spying 102 thread and read about flexispy. Put it on her cell phone when she is asleep. Also, who is your cell phone provider? If it is Verizon, I believe they allow you to block numbers. Block his phone number on your home line and her cell phone. Block his email address on her email. Watch for prepaid calling cards. I would check my WW's purse every morning. Forward any contact on to OM's CoC.

GREAT JOB GETTING BACK IN THE HOUSE!

Im going to mainly go at the A from the OM angle since he is much more vulnerable. I will continue to ask her about contact but if she says "F off" I'll back off. The point taht im not going to tolerate it is made

Not planning to reveal I called them much less my source. They sure dont tell me when they call.


only have the cell phone. She owns the vonage line.

Well done, YEG.

If you call Vonage from the Vonage line, you have the same last name as your WW, and you know the last 4 digits of her social security number, I bet they'd block the number.

DID I OVERPLAY MY HAND?

Affair phone.

After I confronted the WW last night about her calling him on the cell phone she is shopping today for a boost mobile phone. Shes getting an affair phone.

Should I back off on confronting her about contact or keep it up. Im making it more difficult but not preventing it.

Im gonna have to follow up with the 1st sargeant. Its not working with what I got now.

Oh, she's shopping for a new phone, is she? And how is she supposed to pay for this phone? She's unemployed, yes? You certainly should not be footing the bill for this, YEG. Have you closed joint accounts to cut off her ability to finance her A? If you're both on the accounts you won't be able to completely close them, but you CAN take the bulk of the money out. Leave her $10 for pocket money. Put the rest of the money where she can't get to it. Tell her when she comes home you'll discuss finances. Until then you're not going to fund her affair, for the phone or otherwise.

One thing that concerns me: OM's CoC was given this info second-hand by your friend. I think you should call this guy and make an appointment to see him in person. I'm afraid he's putting this on the back burner. After all, if YOU'RE not being aggressive about it, why should he?

Remove the SIM card from the affair phone and hide it. Let her know there will be no "affair phone" allowed while she is in the marital home. If she wants an affair phone she get go through the process of getting a divorce (over 1 year in the state of SC), and THEN AND ONLY THEN she is free to talk to whoever she wants, but not in the meantime. Don't get angry, just be calm but firm. You aren't going to tolerate it. Eventually, she'll realize that you mean business, and she'll give up trying to contact OM. You can separate accounts, but leave just enough available in her account for emergencies for your girl.

Get YOUR CoC involved as well as OM's CoC to get a NC ORDER ENFORCED! Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Make all sorts of noise until you get some action.

Remember, it is the AFFAIR that will doom your marriage. If you are successful in killing the affair, your marriage will most likely be saved.

She has savings. She just got fired. we always had seperate accounts so I cant really do anything. The KL picked her surfing for boost mobile and locations she can buy it.

She hasnt got it yet.



Im out the military so I have no COC. I just know how it works. We are contacting the 1st sargeant again and the IG office. Hopefully that will kill it.