Welcome to all
New
Builders of marriages...
The people here represent men and women trying to improve their marriages. Many have just begun, others are veterans of many years. All struggle with the challenges of marital love; although others have fallen into deceit and betrayal. When infidelity enters the relationship, we have here both betrayed(faithful) spouses (BS) and betrayers(waywards)(WS) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP), and all filled with pain.
All of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB). Initially the acronyms/abbreviations are overwhelming... check out a summary of them here
Abbreviations-Acronyms There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the
Marriage Builder's Home Page.
If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with
Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts.
Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a
sound understanding of
Plan A and Plan B is crucial! For most everyone...
Plan A... is an excellent starting point!
You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... a better alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):
Love Busters,
Love Bank,
Emotional Needs,
Giver and Taker,
The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA).
You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too!
The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the
Articles and
Infidelity Q&A.
The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the
MB Bookstore... of most important for those marriages involving infidelity, or soon to be, is
"Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley.
This is the 'bible' for this forum.Other books can be very useful as well... like
"His Needs, Her Needs",
"Love Busters", and
"Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility".
There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.
Most of all... you will find
compassion and
love here. As an open forum there will always be some who come here not to help, but with other agendas;
however, the vast majority of "members" do not judge... are not demeaning... and have no malice of heart! There are many who are here to simply help... and this includes not just for those betrayed... but the waywards as well!
The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.
We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.
Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness,
deep depression, and on and on... Again, these are felt not just by those betrayed... but in time by the waywards too. Even when no infidelity is involved, similar feelings in marriages gone astray have overwhelmed so many.
Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without
support. That's where
we come in!
We care... because
we know how it feels. Believe it...
You are not alone!
Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!
You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember...
you are not alone!
There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately. The Harley's make no guarantees either... but offer the hope of self-improvement, self-healing and a refocusing of one's self to build esteem... and to live a life of satisfication again!
We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity.
Post... Post... Post... Reply...
Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!
Respond to those replying to your post!
It encourages them to continue helping!
I've been speaking on behalf of some very dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used
"we"!
But... if you're here... join with them... they
will join with you.
We do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice based on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours...
and ask... ask... ask!
To help us understand your situation a bit better, and for you to get more responses, it is recommended that you provide a "story" of yourself. Consider creating a "signature line" on yourposts that will tell members alittle about you-- WHO you are (BS, WS,etc) How long married,kids, current status, Affairs? How many, how long, with whom, current status of affair? ETC....
---------------------------------------------
There are several 'infidelity' forums to meet the needs of many and allow you to do some more specific posting...
Marriage Builders 101 ... the Intro to Marriage Builders with general marriage building help based on Dr Harley's Concepts & Principles
In Recovery ...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.
Pregnancy/Child ...when the affair has resulted in a pregnancy/child
Surviving an Affair ... the most used forum... very active!... very supportive!
There are many other forums... all of which can be reached from the
Forums Index --------------------------------------------
Weekends and holidays tend to be slow...
...sometimes, very slow...
Be patient with responses then...
--------------------------------------------
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE BUILDERS!
(originally posted by OneGoing--revised by JustUss to fix links)
