Anyone else?

My husband and I (and our 2 yr old) have Mono, so we are all feeling a little off and more tired than usual. I understand my H was not feeling 100% yesterday, but either was I. He slept in both mornings til well after 10, while I tended to the kids and the puppy.

When he rolled out of bed, he did not say a word to me and handed me an impersonal Mother's Day card he had picked up the grocery store the day before. Never even SAID Happy Mother's Day. When I asked him today why he could not even say it, he said it was obvious I was ticked off that he slept in, so he thought it was pointless to bother.

I raise 4 kids. Every day. 24/7. I stay home with them, this is who I am and what I do. It is important to me.

I am just really hurt that he did not do anything, or say anything, or arrange anything for me. I have made it clear over past Mother's Day that this day IS important to me. When I explained this, yet again, his response was (he is passive-aggressive) "it is just a day, I don't take stock in Hallmark Holidays, I do not see what the big deal is".

Sigh.

I am tired of pining away for this guy when this is how he shows up when it matters to me.

Anyone else have a disappointing Mothers Day?

Our story:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=152726&Number=2119668#Post2119668

You got a card???

Harumph.

LA

That was supposed to be funny and now I think it wasn't.

Still true.

You are in the trenches of motherhood right now...as you say...doing the job, 24/7.

And your tykes are too small, I take it, for them to have made you cards or gotten you something (or old enough to beg their dad to help them get what they wanted to give you).

I have three grown sons...and got calls...wishing HMDay.

I'm really sorry you told your H how important Mother's Day was and that you wanted specific special treatment and didn't receive it.

LA

A unthoughtful, supposed-to-be-funny, but was just rude. The outside said "kick up your feet, relax, this is your day" then the inside said "hahahahaaa". Nice.

My husband used to only buy me blank cards and write heartfelt things inside. He told me this when we were dating and I bought him some sappy, but already written love card. He told me he prefered something more personal.

He didn't even try. I am wondering if it was the only card left at the grocery store - I think most men would have thought it not a good idea to buy that one for their wives.

That and since we have a 4 and 2 yr old, we have more art supplies than a craft store. I know he wasn't feeling well, but I do not feel it would have been to much effort to have the kids make me something. I do it for him for Father's Day and birthdays. Not to mention, I made it CLEAR how important this day is for me.

Just feeling let down and tired of feeling let down.

I'm sorry you had such a crappy day. Being sick makes things feel even worse sometimes too. You know how some men are when they are sick...no offense guys, but for some it's true. Just breathing oxygen is a heroic effort - ha ha.

When your kids get older, they will understand well what you are doing for them now, and it will have really impacted their lives. They just aren't old enough yet.

I don't blame you for being upset. My H blew off my first mother's day, running back and forth doing stuff for his mother (not something he would usually have done, either and it could have waited), leaving me at home with a 3 month old, all day long.

Back in those days, I still could talk to him, so I let him know how upset I was and he's never forgotten since.

I am sorry you felt let down by your H on mother days.

I got disowned by my mother for mothers day. Best mothers day gift ever.

Oh, man, I went to the store at 3:30; I thought I was doing well, my mom wasn't coming until 7. All there was left were Thank You cards, and Happy Mothers' Day to my Godmother in Spanish. DD and I debated about whether we could give her one of those, because they were prettier than the thank you cards, and my mom doesn't speak Spanish, so she wouldn't know it was for the godmother. DD won, and wrote something beautiful inside the Thank You card.

My 12 yr old daughter was great. She wrote me a gorgeous poem and gave my H a "what for" about not doing anything nice, or even making me coffee. I left for the afternoon with the kids, and upon our return, she talked to him again about "why haven't you done anything - you could at least tell her how special she is". Gotta love that girl, protecting her mom.

My mothers day was great. My WW went to the bar and I spent the afterneoon/evening home with the kids.... but I am the one who has issues! :-))

I hear you. My 1st "Mothers Day" I got nothing (I had our baby and he just kept saying, "I am not getting you anything...YOU are not my mother!")

That one still stings. Then he gave me a card- in the store bag with the reciept still in it. (A for effort?)

Sheesh! hurts so much it makes you laugh or cry)

Sunday I had a good Mother's Day. I really loved my family.
We all got along.
ALTHO--
We bought my DD14 a motorcycle, (brand new) and she drove it into my brand new car! (well- 4 mo old car) on Mother's Day.
Then Sunday night we got a frost and I lost some plants!!#$%$#@


Maybe I am just jinxed!

I am sorry that you had a neglectful H, you would think they would understand.

Made my W a menu thing with breakfast, and she got to order and actually turned out ok, but her plans with our 15 mo old didnt really pan out and I think it was my fault somehow though I wasnt included in the plans and specifically told to stay out of it...

However, we had a talk that ended with smiles and a hug, and she got her locket that has been a 4 month pain to arrange.

I dont think it was a "bad" mother's day, just not that neat.

I was one of those "its just another day" people. Turns out,

Perception is Reality.

If she feels its NOT just another day, than it isnt. At that point you can either decide that her feelings arent important enough to warrant doing extra that day, or that they are.

Neither decision is wrong, just be prepared to accept that she will understand where her feelings stand on the scale of importance, and dont be surprised at what comes next.

I say that now, but I was very surprised....

/sigh

Gdar,
This sounds awful, so sorry you were disappointed by his lack of acknowledgement. If you asked my wife she would say for years I didn't "get it" on special days like this one and birthdays and etc. But what the male in me is thinking is "My gosh how many special days do we need?" She will say things like I only want this one day a year but in reality she expects me to do special things on Xmas, Valentines, Anniversary, birthday, mothers day, yet she wasn't very clear about what it was she expected.

Only last year did she really start communicating her expectations specifically. So I would like to ask you how specific you were in your requests and communications about the plans for the day?

I haven't read any of your threads lately so I have no idea what your sitch is but it seems like he is like this more often than not. Is it just Mono or is it an ongoing disappointment?

I hate mother's day. It's a bunch of work. I love my mom, but we'd rather go out to lunch quietly.

That said, it's really nice when the father of your children says "Great Job, Honey! If I had interviewed a thousand women for this job, I'd have picked you hands down every time."

Now, if you can't get that, and he's totally resistent, I suggest a new way to handle this. Next March, look at the calendar. Tell him you will be out of town on that day. Then, I suggest you grab your mom, or your best friend and check into a Spa or resort or even a hotel. Take a day off! Celebrate the hard work you do 24/7 every other day. Oh, and send him the bill.

Thanks for the reply and asking for clarification. I was very clear. After last years debacle (not even a card) of putting myself on strike for the day in order to get the day I wanted/needed (which, for just ONE DAY OF THE YEAR not to have 4 kids and a husband asking me to do things for THEM), I tried not to expect much this year, but obviously I did have expectations, or I would not have been upset.

Last year I asked for an inexpensive necklace and sent him several links of places that sold the style I was looking for. I have been wanting a necklace that has my children's initials since the birth of our last child 2 years ago. He never repsonded or brought up the links I sent him, even when I asked him if he looked them up. I also had a picture from a parenting magazine of the style of necklace and had taped it up last year right at eye level on the pantry. Nothing. This year, I did it again - taped it up where he could see it, this time drawing a HEART around the necklace with the words "Mother's Day" in black sharpie. Again, nothing.

I have been very clear over the years that Mothers Day DOES mean something to me. I am a stay at home mom. It is what I do. I spend hours upon hours, most thankless perfming tasks for everyone in the family every day. I do not feel expecting some appreciation in the form of having a day off from those tasks, or even asking for a $35 necklace that represents that I am a mother, is too much to ask for. I ask, I still did not receive.

Honestly right now, it was just the straw. I have been shut down and withdrawn since that day. He knows why, we have discussed it. He blew off my feelings. I am so over the rollercoaster ride. The cycle. The going back to the old ways. So, effing tired.

If I was able to re-title this post, it think it would be "I am in withdrawal".

and to be honest, I am jealous there are so many men on here looking for ways to fix their marriages or relate to their wives better. I have 3 of Dr. Harley's books, which he briefly perused once 2 years ago, we have done the HNHN questionnaire 3 times over the past 2 years. Nothing sticks. He says he will work harder at putting our marriage first, but all he does is WORK (his job). It used to be when I told him I was feeling neglected and lonely, he would make an improvement and it would last a couple of months. Then it was a couple of weeks. Now, I am lucky to get a couple of DAYS.

I am bumping again. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am not sure I want him to even come home from work. If I was not sick and had the kiddos to take care of, I would leave. I do not think my heart can handle another night watching him ignore me.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Or month. How sick are you? Can you cough on him?