Actually that's the no-fault route; you have to live apart for a year. If he goes with adultery as the grounds it can go faster, and YEG has said he had a PI get the goods.

Hey YEG, I just read through all your posts. I couldn't stop reading until I got to the end. It was like watching a wilted flower come to life in full bloom. I am impressed. Not only did you grow a set of b@lls you really listened to the great advice you were given. So many BS think their situation is different and don't follow the advice they are given. That just prolongs the process.

As for the phone, do you think it is possible it is just a threat? Is she good with money? Maybe she did the math and realized she can't afford it. Exactly how much savings does she have? Who pays the household bills? Does she have access to any of your accounts?

It isnt just a threat because she didnt tell me. I snooped and found it out. I cant verify she got it though.



She has ok savings. Not great. She will blow through it fairly quick though but still has it



No idea on the amount.

I pay most bills she pays some too. I am plan a so I am fullfiling her FN


I moved most money. I left some cash in the joint accounts so I would know if she was raiding them.

Right, but if SHE wanted a divorce, it would take her over a year to get it done.

YEG,

Just calm down and breathe. You, like many other BSs, just need to spy and monitor her to ensure NC. Keep an eye out for the affair phone or anything else. I'm sure you probably wake up earlier than she does, so you can do your snooping every morning. If she gets an affair phone, simply get the info from it, and disable it. She'll run out of money or willpower for affair phones eventually. You are in control. With any long distance relationship, you can eventually choke it to death, especially if OM is in the military AND your WW is unemployed.

While it is true that you are in Plan A and you should meet her needs, you should NOT finance the affair. You need to get creative about how you give her money.

This OM is not married?

Hes divorced. His ex wife was having an affair while in Iraq.



I just want him to STOP CONTACTING her. I feel she will agree to NC but its much harder when he just doesnt care.



hes stationed in the same town for now. He has a transfer date but I dont know when.

Well, sure it would. Heck, we'd all be good to go if the OP would just go away! But look, YEG, it's not a matter of her agreeing to NC if he wouldn't care - she'd have no choice. It just isn't that easy. I think you're waiting for people to come to their senses, here. That's not going to happen. You've got to grab this bull and take it down.

On a previous post you said "We are contacting the 1st sargeant again and the IG office. Hopefully that will kill it." Who's the 'we' in this sentence?

My friend called since I didnt have the stones too.

If he is stationed locally, just go ahead and pay his CoC a visit in person. While you at it, you might want to tell him face to face (with your friend to keep anything from happening and do it in front of an audiend) to end his affair and cut off all contact w/ your WW. I would also make sure that the A is exposed to his family (you took your WW's word for it?) and his XW. Who knows if she was faithful to him. He might have been the one cheating on her and spun the story for sympathy.

Okay, that's what I thought - I just wanted to make sure.

Well, the good news is you've got the stones now, right? So holster up, pick up the phone and tell this CoC (who puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like all us regular-type humans, don't forget) that you would like to schedule an appointment with him to discuss a serious personnel issue (or whatever you would call it in military-ese.) Give him your name. He will probably know why you're calling. He will also know that you are now cojone-laden and are ready to take the next step up the ladder, since he has so grievously neglected to take care of this.

This is a critical point of exposure that appears to currently be in the process of being swept under the rug. If he appears to be blowing you off, get his superior's name. You'll want to send a certified letter to both parties, just to make sure the cheese is binding.

I have since verified his family knows. I dont even know the XW name much less where to contact her.

A complaint was filed with the IG office. Hopefully we will see how that goes.

Do you know anything about his background? Where he lived with XW? You can search county records online and sometimes find out that way. You can also google his name in intelius.com. It'll bring up his name and a list of names associated with his. Hers more than likely will be among those names if the D wasn't too long ago.

Need some inspiration

I KNOW im just starting the process but today was just a really hard day.

I let myself believe that my WW was about to go NC for me. I had no real evidence to back it up just the phone records I had available (with no calls since the 4th) and I thought my pressure on the OM was taking him out of the picture.

Now today I found she was browsing Boost mobile phones which serve only ONE purpose in a WW hands.

I KNOW I shouldnt be surprised. We just had a really good day on saturday. I was charming and we had alot of fun. It was like I saw a glimpse of my DW for a minute only to be lose in the fog.


Now the guilt and sadness of when I first found out is back. Its like I feel my guts wrenched out again.

If anyone has some coping techniques please lemme know.

Ive tried telling myself over and over "im doing the right thing" and "it is gonna get better". Ive tried exercise, watching TV and working. Nothing gets my mind off of this.

I know I shouldnt let it get to me like this but it is.

Wait 'til you have proof, and then if she gets the phone; see if you can get hold of it somehow.

She *needs* that next hit, and she's desperate to get it.

This is going to be of little consolation, YEG, but you'll hear this on here a lot: It's a marathon, not a sprint. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. Bar none. I'm sorry. I wish I could take away what you're feeling, because it IS such an awful feeling. Internet hug coming your way, YEG.

Now. Having said all that stuff which is of no comfort, sorry you may want to consider seeing your doctor for anti-depressants. They have been a godsend for many on here.

Do you have a PS3? Or anything really. Get a violent videogame if you must; that helps me when I need to vent.

Here's some success story threads for you to read.

Mb Success's

success stories 2

There is much more out there. You just have to know where to look. Just off the top of my head, I know that Mr W, bigkahuna and a few others(DS7 interrupted my train of thought ARGH) are some successes too

You will see a lot of stories that are similar to yours and people who are just ahead of you in many ways. Have you read other's threads.

Get a hobby. Just something to look forward to when you are having a bad day. I brew my own beer. It is sometimes very consuming to research some of the ingredients and techniques to make your favorite styles of beer.

I was also a drummer in a rock band, so sometimes I would like to rock out on the set.

Work out. Some more. Maybe start looking into some martial arts stuff (in case you ever run into OM ).

Talk to someone. It can be a friend (male) or a therapist, but find someone you get share things with.

Finally, vent here.