Hi Doormat,

Well this one touches home alot.

My sister and I had a stepdad, because our dad died when she was 3 and I was 6 mos in early 1943. My mom married my dad later who she knew and had dated along with my bio dad when they were all much younger and she was single and dating. Her meeting him again was Not from an affair, but somehow they met when both of them were widowed (his first wife died of cancer in 1946). They were married in 1948 and that marriage lasted until 1986 when he died. I have always called him my 'dad' because he is. He is the only 'dad' I knew from when I was age 6, and he was strict, sometimes aloof, but always loving and protecting of our family.

I think what you are really saying here is that there is a huge difference when a WW runs off with an Om and is still in the wayward mindset, as opposed to two people who carefully and morally consider marriage and family after both of them have lost their spouses.

Yes, with the change, and when we moved shortly after their marriage to his house in the city (medium sized town in WI) both my sis and I were apprehensive. We had two new stepbrothers to deal with too. Ya know what, as my mom told me when I and my sister were acting withdrawn initially my mom and dad took me to a psychologist (yes they had them way back then) and he told my parents it was anxiety about the new family. My dad helped that so much and helped us both adjust at our young ages. He took my sister to park district and school drama and swimming and other things, and he took me and spent time with my to just about every western moive I wanted to see and a lot of the old Braves' baseball games back then. Sometimes he would take off early from work for this.

I cannot imagine the terror and fear in that young son's mind with being abused, totally abandoned by his own mother, and totally defenseless at the time of his death.

Tom

Bingo. I was raised by a stepdad -- later adopted dad -- who treated me great. He taught me more about love, patience, and the ability to laugh at the horrible turns fate gives you than my biological father -- a raving alcoholic and wife and child-beater -- ever could have.

My mother cheated on my dad, and married her affair partner. This step-father-affair-partner and I constantly butted heads, and he was a royal rat-[censored]. If I weren't taller and stronger than him, I'm certain he'd have tried to beat me. Their marriage only survived 17 years, IMHO, because the two of them learned to live the Policy of Joint Agreement.

I was an obstacle to this step-parent, and early on the morning he died from liver cancer after choking out his last few gasping death rattles, I whispered to his corpse, "I'm sad for my mom, but I'm glad you're finally gone".

EDIT: Now I'm just waiting for the "Come on, DoNoMo, tell us how you REALLY feel" parade of posts to start The point of my original post is that your kids are 70 times more likely to be physically or sexually abused by an unrelated adult male in the home than in a home with both biological parents married. There are wonderful, superb examples of wonderful step-parents... but an affair-dad will almost certainly not be one of them.

DNM:

Kudos to you for not feeling bad. Our limits are our limits.

I fully intend on doing the same when my father passes.

Amen.

There's only one other child abuse case in Utah that has angered me even close to this one.

I got a speeding ticket that day. I found myself driving down the main road north of Provo with my hands clenched on the wheel wanting to kill some animal who tried to kill the little girl he raped by clubbing her face with a hammer. I had to stop listening to the news on the way to work - the officer was very understanding - asked if I was okay because I was white as a sheet and shaken up pretty badly - didn't even realize I was speeding - and I told him what I had just heard on the news and how hard it must be to be in law enforcement investigating that situation.

Affair-steps are vile evil creatures that should never be around their affair-partner's children. Ever. For any reason.

These creatures will get what they deserve, I am certain. Prison populations are not kind to child killers. Ever.

In my opinion, no one who has an affair, AND has not repented fully and I mean FULLY, is suitable to raise children.

ITA, they are just too selfish.

Just an update to the story. Ethan Stacy's mother and step-father are being tried independently and will not be forced to testify against one another, but Utah is seeking the death penalty:
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=12922524

Affairs are bad for kids.
Period.

They will get theirs in jail.

Perhaps this judge should step down from the bench


I hope some good folks in Florida are going to do what it takes to recall this judge. If the father's concerns are not addressed, or in this case, even examined, then she needs to be held accountable for her decision to allow this child to travel to what was obviously a mother unfit to care for a child.