Posting from a phone SUCKS

/rant

Active waywards are acting like jerks and sometimes they need a little to see that in order for them to move forward...I would love to see what Mrs.W thinks of this now, I am sure she believes it contributed to her coming out of the fog.

When my mother scolded me as a teen I hated her, but in the long run, looking back I am so glad she did....I am a better person for it.

I agree that affairs are serious, however, I have never stated that we need to treat the waywards with kid gloves, but deciding they are beyond help in less than a week is like "well we tried, oh well, good-bye" So then we walk away with them still burning their hands, and stabbing someone else in the back. Maybe it's because we see it here so many times, that we lose our patience with waywards. To a new wayward, this is new, and strange, and difficult.

If someone has been here for a while, they might be getting frustrated over all of the waywards doing the same thing. and don't give the new waywards a fair shake.

It's not the 2x4 use that I speak of, but the impatience shown to people who are suffering from their decisions. When we can decide that they have 1 week to do as we say, or we are done with them, then maybe we are not following the principles of MB ourselves.

[/quote]

Sorry I don't follow, I believe I have treated everyone here with respect. I am not able to post to ever situation, or every day. When I get a chance to reply, I do so. Sometimes there are days or a week between. But If you see a gap in my advice, or a personal attack from me, let me know. I am not perfect by any means.

I dont think people decided that they are done with them...if they dont post back, what can you say?....I take it more as a "If you want to do what you say you want to do, then get back here and take the heat so you can move forward." IDK, but thats how I take it. If they didnt care, they wouldnt say anything, heck if I was the one who "gave up" on a poster, I wouldnt post to their thread anymore, ya know? JMHO

Exactly. The mindset of a wayward is not that they will be shamed into doing the right thing. But if they reach out here, looking for advice, They are looking for help, and meaness is not help.

The wayward in question had not posted for a little over a day and a half..... when it was decided that he was gone. None of you take a break from posting, for real life issues? Expecially when your life is falling apart?

I agree , just don't post when you get tired of trying to help a peticular poster.

Reading Mrs wondering's posts was inspiring. She even noted "Thanks for allowing variation on the MB principles" when she had been given grace for not following the expectations given her.

Here's all I have:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...p;Words=jerk&Search=true#Post2370707

The issue with Joey is not that he quit posting for a little while. The issue is that he was actively saying that he wasn't going to do what needed to be done.

Anyhow, if there is a problem, there are moderators.

Its like a little kid who gets a bad grade on his report card...okay he knows hes wrong and he'll try harder next time...so his thinking is "well if I just change this grade to a good one, so my mom and dad dont know. Then I wont get in trouble and Ill just try harder next time."

Instead of taking the heat, taking his 2by4s so his mom and dad can nip it in the and hanker him down so he gets that better grade....Now, by changing the grade, if he doesnt do better whats he gonna do keep changing the grade or get caught with having changed the grade and compound the bad grade with LYING and a second bad grade....

Is it worth the gamble, well to a kid it might seem to be...but for a GROWN UP take your 2by4s and OWN up to your mistakes....and do what it takes to do what you need to do to fix it...or dont.

There is no way around the mountain....CLIMB OVER IT or you will keep goin in circles.

Almost five years after the event. Hindsight is 20/20.

But we are talking about people who are right in the midst of it. Like she was back in 2005. Go back and read the posts. She was offended at the time. And she chose to stay, Which I am sure was the best choice for her and her family. But others are not staying, and if we play any role in their leaving, then how are we practicing MB concepts?

I agree, the 2x4's do help them see reality, it is the giving up on a poster, because he hasn't done exactly what he was told, that This rant was about.

The other posters leave because they know what needs to be done and dont want to do it....so if they need help after they have made more of a mess they will be back....or they will just keep living in denial....JMHO

It seems to me that you are calling some people "mean." This could be construed as a personal attack.

If you do see persistent meanness from someone and talking to them about it doesn't fix it initially, it might be better to talk to the moderators about it rather than trying to control people with disrespectful judgments to get them to do what you believe they ought.

MB forums work because there is such a diversity of posters. If we ALL coddled and commiserated with new posters, then we wouldn't be any different from another marriage site that I'm thinking of, where everyone basically says, "there there now now, it'll be okay, I hear ya, that happened to me too," etc, and there is rarely any ADVICE or DIRECTION given to the original poster.

I have little patience for someone who comes here proclaiming to "want" help and then rejecting what they're told out of hand. The poster you're referring to, Joey?-- I suspect he posted his story just to stir things up -- that does happen you know. Regardless, people DID try to help him and then he quit posting-- probably realizing that we weren't biting.

Tell ya what. You post your way and I'll post mine, and as long as we're both offering MB advice, then that's what makes MB work.

/rant

BTW, do you know this Joey personally?

Apologies if I maligned you, Pep. I wasn't personally there to witness, and I was just going off of that one post by Mrs. W. I haven't had a chance to review the history, yet.

Oh, I am confused I thought you mentioned the "meanness" of some posters. sorry, my bad...

Hey, when you give up on someone, would it be best to just silently give up, or would it be best to make a last ditch attempt and say "I don't think this will work unless you do this ... you really have to do this ... what can I do to shake you up so that you will do this?"

[quote=markos
The issue with Joey is not that he quit posting for a little while. The issue is that he was actively saying that he wasn't going to do what needed to be done.

Anyhow, if there is a problem, there are moderators. [/quote]

So what was his real reason for not wanting to tell the OWH? Maybe he was really scared of the OWH? People generally affair down, and sad to say he was her choice, so maybe the OWH is someone to be afraid of..... Don't know, would've loved to see him turn his life around.

Some of you have so much more to offer to people in his position. And we let him go, because he was struggling to do one part of the advice. He was making changes, and doing other things to try and change his life. No more input into his life, from this forum, because of this one thing.