What's up DH?

Getting ready to head back to my previous home. I will be leaving tonight or tomorrow.

I am excited about going back, I miss my wife and kids. I hope that Broken and I are able to make progress with rebuilding our marriage. She hasn't decided yet what she wants to do and I hope that us talking face to face will help more than it hurts.

Broken had an appointment with Steve this AM. We have talked a little but not much.

Once I get home I don't know how much I will be posting. Hopefully there are no problems that we can't apply some of what we have learned so far and figure out.

DH,

I want to extend a helping hand OFF forum. If you would like to talk one on one, just click the NOTIFY button on the bottom right hand corner and tell them it's OK to exchange emails with me. The moderators will exchange our emails.

FWIW, Please be prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions from your wife these next few days..... BOTH - Highs and Lows! From the height of Romance to Anger in less than 10 seconds! Just remember to soothe her at all times!

Hopefully there are no problems that we can't apply some ALL of what we have learned so far and figure out.

Thanks tst

I will be praying for your M! DH you have come so far. I am so glad you have tst in your corner and your BW is counseling with SH.

Well the next time I post here I will be back with Broken. I hope I am able to report successes and good news and not failures and bad news.

Thanks all and wish me luck!

Good luck. You will see much greater results but you will also see some greater setbacks. Listen to the advice given to you by all of the great vets whom have walked before you. This is going to be a roller coaster ride for a while yet. Be prepared. I hope you have read up on all of the things you have to do to recover your M so you can be prepared. Don't forget to schedule your UA time. You'll need about 20-25 hours/week at first. My prayers are going out to you and Broken. We are here for you.

Good luck! We all hope your M will recover!

How'd the weekend go DH?

Hey all, sorry I haven't posted lately but I have been busy. I have been home since Friday afternoon and all things considered I think they have gone very well.

Saturday afternoon Broken and I went downtown, walked around the market and went to a couple quiet establishments to hangout and talk.

Sunday the whole family went to a county park and we rode bikes, had a picnic and played around.

In between those times we have spent a lot of UA time together. We both know we have a long way to go and things will be rocky at times.

The best news is that she has decided to move to where I currently live. She has decided that we need to be together to give this a shot. She is making huge sacrifices and I continue to let her know that as happy as I am that she has decided to move I want her to be sure that is what she wants. I do not want her to feel pressure from me, she says that she is sure as she can be.

Our time together is even more critical for now because we have a house to get on the market, figure out what we really need to live temperarily until this house sells, assure the kids that it is a good thing to move and probably a million other things we haven't thought of yet.

I have told her that even though we are going to be busy I promise not to lose focus of what is most important.

We will be calling Steve again but we don't know exactly when.

I'll update when I can.

Glad to hear you two are making good changes! Keep it up~

I'm so glad your wife has come to the decision to try again, count your blessings and make your life great for you, her and your family.....
I'm proud of who you are and your honesty and willingness to admit your mistakes and to make things right.....
This is the road to being a man of integrity and I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your family........
Remember you are both there because you want to love each other......
Good Luck and keep us posted of your successes.......gives us hope

I haven't posted in a while mostly because I felt things were going in a positive direction and progress was being made.

That came to a screeching halt this morning...

OW never had my home phone number but must have found it though the internet. There has been a number calling for several days that Broken had tried to see who it was. I didn't know about this until day before yesterday. I didn't know the number so I couldn't speak to it.

Anyway, the phone rang at about 7 something this AM and I answered it, the person asked who I was, I didn't recognize the voice and I asked who they were, she said it was OW. I said "I can't talk to you" and hung up. (If I would have been quicker on my feet I know I should have said I don't want to talk to you).

OW called back 2 more times and Broken answered. OW didn't say anything and hung up. I unplugged the phone. Broken plugged to phone back in and there was a message...2 words repeated twice but I can't put them here.

I told Broken I would have the phone disconnected tomorrow but she said she doesn't want to do that, we will be leaving in a couple weeks.

Broken has told me she has emailed OW several times but never gotten a reply. She wanted to get her side of the story.

I have had absolutely no contact with OW since I sent to NC letter and up until now she hasn't tried to contact me that I am aware of.

I think Broken thinks I am hiding something. She has asked me if I am afraid of what OW might say. I have nothing to be afraid of but I don't want to talk to her. I only want to talk to Broken but have no idea where to go now. OW has the phone number and both email address and I am worried she will continue to harass us. I have told broken I will change my email but I think she thinks I have something to hide.

I hope some of you are still around this weekend and can offer advice.

Well, the only thing that I can say to you is that I think maybe you could volunteer to take a poly to put Broken's mind at ease.

Personally I think YOU need to be proactive. Instead of asking if you should do these things, do them. Disconnect the phone. Change the email addie. And of course make sure Broken has all info on new email addie... Then tell Broken you did this because you wanted to ensure no contact. She may not believe you now, but continue to be completely honest and she'll eventually believe. That's my thoughts on the matter...

DH71, LISTEN UP:

-Change your phone # as soon as the phone company opens for business. Call today. (I don't care if it's Sunday. YOU CALL TODAY.) Or just go wireless for the next 2 weeks. Frankly, I don't see any reason for keeping the old # operational. At minimum, it's a trigger for your wife that you should not allow to repeat itself. Your wife should not be subjected to this woman's unprintable insults. In this instance, I think the need to protect your wife from such emotionally brutal intrusions trumps the need for her agreement on this step. (Others may disagree, but that's my view.)

-Make sure your new # will be unlisted.

-Both you and Broken change your e-mail addresses TODAY. If OW called and Broken answered and OW didn't speak, she obviously has no interest in communicating with Broken. No more e-mails to her from either of you.

Do these things. No excuses will be accepted.

If the calls continue after that, get rid of the land line and go cellphone-only. Remember, extraordinary precautions in fact may be extraordinary, not just those that are convenient for you to implement.

Once you've taken actions on the above, ASK Broken what she thinks -- don't do her the disservice of "THINKING" ("guessing"/"presuming") what she thinks. [She MAY be mad that your actions put her in this situation (justifiable anger, BTW), which is not the same as being mad at you for allegedly continuing to try to hide something.]

And finally, yes, you're right to recognize that "I can't talk to you" was an ill-considered response. Quite likely to be taken by OW as "Ooh: He might WANT to talk to me but just CAN'T right now." (And HOW long have you had to prepare yourself mentally for responding to such an eventuality? Your mental preparedness level has slipped. In the same way a recruit learns to disassemble and reassemble his rifle to the point where he has internalized the steps and can do them in his sleep, YOU need to shape up and train yourself to maintain your extraordinary precautions & rebuff any attemt at emotional infiltration or intrusion on your family.) WHAT are you doing to keep yourself in readiness? PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE & ANSWER, DH71.
If you've already done a NC letter, then I'll leave it to the vets to chime in with views re: how you should proceed further.

DH,

If Broken does not want the number changed.. Don't change it!

IT IS HER DECISION! right or wrong in your opinion doesn't matter... IT IS HER DECISION!

Agree to no longer answer the phone yourself to prevent further contact between you and OW. Let it go to the answering machine and see who it is before answering (I always do this at home as a habit).

Proactive things YOU can do over the next few days.

File a police report of harassment from OW.
Call the phone company and file a report of harrassment.
Block the number... if your phone allows this? If not, go buy a new phone that has this feature.
Get caller ID on your phone!

I told Broken that I should have said "don't want" instead of "can't" later after I realized what I had done.

I thought I was prepared but was so stunned when OW called I choked.

Broken said the same thing about OW not replying and she said I should talk to her to see what she wants. I don't want to talk to her.

I am trying figure out what bills I have with my email address and will change them.

I will get the number changed. I would prefer to get rid of the land line all together but it is probably good to have since we have kids that are left alone occasionally.

I am also going to try to get Broken to read these responses, it is important for her to see too I think and my telling her doesn't help if she doesn't believe a word I say.

DH,

You've only been home a little over a week and she has agreed to move to a different city in two weeks.... you will be getting a new number then, right? An unlisted number, right?

I can understand Broken not wanting the number changed.... All friends and family have this number. And she does NOT want to give OW this control over her life.

Yes she has triggered, but the worst thing you can do is panic.

It's your job to sooth her through this.

Ask her what she would like for you to do and then do it!

It's two more weeks.. be proactive with the things YOU have control over to show that you want to protect her.... but, I recommend NOT going against brokens wishes at this point....