I put her request down on my Thoughtful Requests worksheet, alongside several others she's made this week.

UA time:
Last week: 8.25
Week before: 7.5
Week before: 21.5
Week before: 13.5
Week before: 11
Week before: 14.5
Week before: 9
Week before: 6.5

What are the reasons for these large variations, markos? What can you change to keep the number consistently high?

How do the reduced hours affect your relationship with Prisca?

Yes, markos, why is it Prisca can't stand being around you?

Markos, I curious, was there a point to posting just your UA Time for the last 8 weeks with no other words or explanation in a place where you know that Prisca is going to see it? To me that sounds like a childish game meant for the specific purpose of inflicting harm. If inflicting harm upon your marriage is the goal, then CONGRATS...... Winner Winner chicken Dinner.....

So you had a 4 week span where you averaged 15.125 hours, good on y'all. A 6 week span (discounting the last 2 weeks) averaging 12.66 hours, I think that's awesome considering the extra events around the holidays. And overall the 8 weeks averaged 11.47, not perfect but I'm quite sure that's progress from where y'all came from, and around here it's progress not perfection..... So again, what's the friggin point?

I don't know, Bill, I guess I'm just tired and discouraged.

That's kewl, at least it's honest. That whole share the misery thing, you're hurt so you hurt her and we can go right back to the circle of life that brought us to this place.... Kewl man, I can dig it and I know it's a comfortable mask to wear and a whole heckofa lot easier than puttin in the sweat to get over the hump.....

That being said, don't you have some e-mails off the board? Next time you find yourself getting to this point, reach out to someone, someone who's not afraid of calling BS on your actions. And work toward living in the solution rather than the problem man.... Man, there ain't no shame in my game. I meet with an accountability group weekly where talk about these things in hopes of enriching all of lives.

OK, "poor me" time is over. Dust yourself off and ride on cowboy.

It's just numbers ... you're pretty sure my intent was to hurt her?

It's a measurement of the reality that I'm facing.

Suppose I do it again next week, and the week after, and the week after, and in 8 weeks it looks a lot better ... then this post today just becomes the first post in a chronicle of success, doesn't it?

You tell yourself whatever you need to, to be able to sleep at night brother......lol... And it's pretty evident, based on her interuption, that there is more going on then you're letting on to.....

I'd lump it into two categories either it was like Seinfeld and a post about nothing or it was meant for her to see and then the CSD Rule apply's... CSD=Common Sense Dictates CSD in this case would be that she will see it, further, being an emotional creature she will see it and see it as an me blaming her being that I didn't post any supporting information.... There just isn't any possible positives that come from that......

Furthermore, the reality your facing? 3 weeks ago you had 21 hours together and averaged over 15 hours for a month... What reality?

I'm thinking, Bill. I appreciate you coming when I called. I'll try to shape up.

If you still have my email, feel free to use it anytime. And I'll leave you today with this reminder. This whole marriage builders thing reminds me of losing weight. There are several ways to do it but only a select few really produce the lasting results. And if I step on the scale everyday, that can be discouraging when the results aren't what I'd like to see. But at the end of the week or month, if I'm not happy with the results, then I need to look at where my power resides to positively affect the next set of results..... Chin up, trooper....

Markos, this concerns me and I hope it concerns you too, which is why you posted it.

Bill, I think this is a good idea because obviously it bothers him, therefore, it needs to be discussed.

Markos, I realize it is tough to get your time with all the children. Prisca mentioned there was a reason for this.

What is the reason your time is down?

ut oh, my friend Prisca does not sound happy...

Why would you post actual numbers????

With kids and all that average of 12hrs a week is pretty good!

Gotta be careful not be smothering at times.

markos, why didn't you respond to me?

If you can find reasons for these variations and the recent drop, you might be able to do something to correct them.

Looking at your average over a period of weeks isn't useful, in my view. Dr Harley stresses that the 15+ hours must happen every week.

A drop in UA time is likely to affect your feelings of closeness to your wife. The fact that you had a good level three weeks ago will not help your feelings this week.

Is this drop affecting your relationship? It would appear so, based on Prisca's post here.

Alternatively, it could be that the high levels of UA a few weeks ago were not spent enjoyably, so that Prisca is consciously avoiding you. In that case, it might not be a matter simply of scheduling time together. You might (both) need to work at making UA time enjoyable, and also work at meeting ENs and eliminating LBs during other times.

So, what is your answer to my questions?

Markos, I do realize that we are supposed to spend 15 hours min a week together. But it seems a tad bit obsessive that you have it down to a 10th of a second.

I have to concur with some of the other guys that you posting specific numbers without anything else is off. It would have been much less crude and intrusive if you had posted something like'I have noticed that my UA time wanes a lot frequently lately and this is affecting my marriage.'

Prisca also isn't happy and satisfied with the time you two have been spending together. It's been my observation that you hold onto things and you're extremely analytical to the point of not having empathy or realizing that you might be hurting someones feelings.

Your post also reminds me of when a spouse will dump a bunch of stuff they�ve been stewing on for weeks. And rather than the spouse talking openly and honestly with their spouse, they start to build resentment.

I don�t mean it offensively when I tell you that you need to chill a bit. The negative stress from a marriage is bad for the health�it overwhelms your entire day. I apologize if I�m wrong but it seems like a lot of AOs and DJs happen in your marriage. My question is are both of you really trying. Neither of you at this point seem very happy.

Markos, have you spoken to your wife about how you feel or did you just post that on a forum for everyone to see but her first? If my wife had done that, I would be very upset. You both have the skills to make a successful marriage. Do both of you have the desire? Stressful marriages are exhausting. No one likes to be exhausted.

He needs to get 15 hours to achieve his goal, though. 12 hours won't cut it.

Not sure what is meant by the "smothering" comment?

Bingo!

He hasn't done this, so why say that he has? You say he has done something he hasn't and then you say he is obsessive for doing something he hasn't done!

That is not a fair comment.