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It�s interesting how many men react to their wife�s adultery with such trepidation and fear. They simple don�t understand the dire emergency and threat adultery is to their marriage. It�s always about the fear of their wife. Fear of her anger. Fear of �pushing her further away�. Fear of losing their precious adultery stained marriage and perhaps if they do nothing it will all go away and maybe they won�t even get a disease.
In other critical situations most men will act quickly and decisively. A sort of intuitive understanding to �assault the ambush� mentality. Don�t hide behind a stump until they pick you off. Charge! Hey, they might get you anyway but at least you have a chance. Right?
For example you are up in Alaska and suddenly are confronted by a Kodiak bear. And he�s hungry. This also qualifies as a dire emergency and threat.
Fortunately you are carrying a .300 ultra magnum caliber Remington Model 700 BDL rifle with a 26 inch barrel and gloss walnut grips and your collection of trophies from NRA competitions in you den back home indicate you know how to use it.
The 1,400 lb. bear wipes away his drool and charges.
What-ya gonna do Bubba? Negotiate? Hide behind a stump? Not likely.
But when your 125 lb. adulterous wife tells you �If you (fill in the blank with an action that stands up to her adultery), I am going to stomp my feet and put on a super pout!�, you assume your fetal position on the floor of the guest room.
�You�re right honey. I�m sorry. I just don�t want to push you further away. I�ll be in the guest room if you need me for anything as soon as I'm done arranging the flowers I bought you.�
I don�t know guys. This gets embarrassing sometimes.
Where has all the testosterone gone?
Last edited by chrisner; 05/20/1010:09 AM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Would your wife just roll over and let you have a girlfriend?
Being pissed off and angry is a healthy response to DDay.
It just gets old sometimes having to watch Mel pass through the BH threads like a nurse trying to keep them alive with testosterone IV�s. And the patient keeps pulling out the needle.
Hey MF! I have met you and I will say right now if I were ever in a good bar fight I would want you on my side.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
You beat me to the punch, Chrisner, I am similarly frustrated with some of the conflict avoiding I have seen on this forum and think this is a dangerous trend. Men are wired to appease women and don't seem to realize that is the WORST thing you can do with a wayward.
Appeasing a wayward who is hellbent on destroying your marriage will result in a ....................destroyed marriage. Appeasement will get you exactly nowhere except divorced while you pay the mortgage on a home that has been taken over by an OM who has REPLACED YOU.
But to you conflict avoider men, I want to tell you something very important, so please heed my words:
Women do not love men they do not respect and they do not respect men whom they can run over. It is disgusting. So when you reward her with flowers when she has just been with her OM, you are doing nothing more than inviting her disgust and eroding any love and respect she may have left for you.
This unconditional "love" is nothing other than ENABLING and trains her to have false expectations of entitlement. You are creating a monster with your appeasement tactics.
What women want to see is a man who has the BALLS to fight for his marriage. A man who stands up for his marriage and fights for it. He causes as much conflict as possible in the affair and he protects his children AT ALL COSTS from her affair.
And to the next man who tells me that his adulterous, alley catting wife is a "good mother," I have this for you:
Oh please. WAKE THE HELL UP! There is nothing "good" about a mother who wrecks her children's family in pursuit of her own lust; who runs around like an alley cat in heat. What a ridiculous notion. A good mother is not selfish and neglectful and RECKLESS.
So, you men who think that Plan C [Dr Harley calls this Plan "compromise", I call it Plan Conflict Avoidance] is going to get you anywhere, think again. It is the most likely to lead to divorce.
So please, lets leave the wimp convention and start fighting to save your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
ITA. And here's what these guys never think about: Any man who would simply step aside while another man moves in on his wife is sending her the screamingly clear message that
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU
I WILL NOT FIGHT FOR YOU
I DON'T CARE IF ANOTHER MAN ****S YOU
HAVE A NICE DAY
And then they wonder why this approach does not impress the WW.
You might want to look at this from the female point of view, guys, and think again about the message you're sending.
Me, BW WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
It just gets old sometimes having to watch Mel pass through the BH threads like a nurse trying to keep them alive with testosterone IV�s. And the patient keeps pulling out the needle.
What scares me is when they start posting to EACH OTHER and giving each other tips on enabling! I know most of the conflict avoiders ignore me [because their goal is to avoid conflict, not to save the marriage] but I feel I have to say something because other men read this crap and think this is a solution.
Men don't like crossing their wives, so they naturally gravitate to easier, softer tactics. At the expense of their marriage, unfortunately.
All you conflict avoider men need to go look at Wheelspinning. His marriage is reconciled and they are recovering because he unleashed HOLY HELL on his wife's affair. He didn't lower his standards. He raised the bar and he is now in recovery. His WW is posting here helping others!
There are no guarantees but you are guaranteed to a life of hell headed right towards divorce if you continue to appease and avoid conflict.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
ITA. And here's what these guys never think about: Any man who would simply step aside while another man moves in on his wife is sending her the screamingly clear message that
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU
I WILL NOT FIGHT FOR YOU
I DON'T CARE IF ANOTHER MAN ****S YOU
HAVE A NICE DAY
And then they wonder why this approach does not impress the WW.
You might want to look at this from the female point of view, guys, and think again about the message you're sending.
AGREE. And a similar message is being sent to their children:
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU
I WILL NOT FIGHT FOR YOU
I DON'T CARE IF ANOTHER MAN TAKES MY PLACE AS DADDY
HAVE A NICE DAY
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
�You�re right honey. I�m sorry. I just don�t want to push you further away. I�ll be in the guest room if you need me for anything as soon as I'm done arranging the flowers I bought you.�
For the record - this goes for women too. Any woman that will meekly step aside and allow the A to continue is saying the same thing:
I DON'T LOVE YOU I WON'T FIGHT FOR YOU LET ANOTHER WOMAN PLAY MOMMY
HAVE A NICE DAY
Me: BW, 27 Him: WH, 29 DD 4 DS 1 Married 07/25/09 A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner) D-Day: 3/31/10 2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010 3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10 WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10 False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
For the record - this goes for women too. Any woman that will meekly step aside and allow the A to continue is saying the same thing:
But............we usually don't have to say that to the women. The woman who tolerates this is the EXCEPTION, not the rule. We actually have to coach men not to leave their homes and abandon their children at the behest of their cheating wife.
I HAVE NEVER HAD TO TELL A WOMAN NOT TO LEAVE HER HOME.
I have to tell men not to leave every week. And have done so for years...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
As scary as it is to run into an ambush - where there's always the assumption of casualty - it's really the only way to effectively handle the situation. If you tried to maneuver your way out, you'll only react according to their script, in a fashion the enemy is predicting you will, and it will land you in a worse place. We learned in Vietnam that you've got to cause the ambush to fall apart. It was their duty - as it was every other Ranger's duty - to assault the ambush.
Sound familiar?
Last edited by chrisner; 05/20/1010:56 AM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Woohoohoo!!! Love, love, love this thread! Makes me wanna swoon.
Last edited by princessmeggy; 05/20/1011:03 AM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Woohoohoo!!! Love, love, love this thread! Makes me wanna swoon.
I love that Kurt Russell clip, the movie and well ... Kurt Russell
If the roles had of been reversed in our case, I sure as heck would hope that my H would stand up to me and do what was necessary, I would want to know that I'm his, and yes, that I'm important enough to fight for.
The house catches on fire in the night. A man scrambles to get his wife and children safely out at whatever peril.
The boat capsizes in deep water. A man scrambles to get his wife and children secured to the hull until rescue.
A vicious dog attacks the family at a park during their picnic. A man inserts himself between his family and the dog at whatever risk and takes it out with a salad fork.
The front door is kicked in by home invaders. A man barricades his family and sets up his defensive position to the death if necessary with his Les Baer 1911 Premier II Super-Tac .45. (I gotta get one!)
The man�s wife commits adultery with the intent of taking everything she can get including the kids to spend the rest of their life with her sole mate and the man meekly launders a load of her new sheer panty and lingerie collection and then slinks away into the spare bedroom. Because doing anything else is too scary.
Last edited by chrisner; 05/20/1011:49 AM.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
