Define sober? Am I to cut all sex with her for that long? I mean I can do what I have to do to make this work, but I am very attracted to my W and I don't see as to how being with her a=is a bad thing. I know in this stage it is and I understand why, just asking if that mean forever with her as well?

SA will define "sober" for you.

You need to determine where your brain is when you are with your wife during SF. If you are "with" her, then you are going in the right direction, if, however, you are thinking of your other encounters, what you COULD be doing if it was more dangerous, or something else beside the right here, right now, then YES, you may have to refrain from having SF with even your spouse, until you get your brain "sober".

Keep going to meetings.

LG

I am with her and thinking of her when I get the chance to be with her, I have always been about her when I am with her. I understand that she is not ready and I do not want to push her so I will have to refrain from her until she is ready no matter how long that takes.

Do you have a sponsor? Have you talked with him about abstinence?
Much of what you are asking is talked about in meetings. Have you thought about increasing your meeting attendance to more than 1xweek?

There is no way for me to be able to increase meetings. I have not chosen a sponsor yet. I have one in mind but have not spoken to him yet. At the meeting I have gone to all that is discussed is about what has happened with the in the past week or what the program has done for them but has not gone into how to work the program.

I know, I just learned that is what you do with your sponsor, work the program. The meeting is support, and the work you do with your sponsor is your real work...

Ok thank you.

I don't really have anything to add, with all the great advice you've gotten from such experienced folk, just wanted to pop in and encourage you to keep on going.

Thanks Neak. Appreciate it.

What Neak said.

Keep up the work. Find some time to just do something enjoyable with your W and family even if it's for a short time. Our most enjoyable times should be with our S. Make it count.

We started walking with the kids around the neighborhood last night and it was a nice relaxing walk. I think it helps her unwind a bit to be able to do that. I know she is still having a very hard time with everything and I don't expect that to change anytime soon, but I am still supporting her as best I can. She is having a hard time at work lately and they are giving her a hard time about things, she is extremely stressed with that plus us and I told her to quit because she comes home with a massive headache and just wants to crawl into bed and go to sleep. I know that she is depressed but it is taking a huge toll on her mentally and physically. I am hoping that when she goes to the doc next week that she will except meds and his help to get her back to a somewhat normal life. Like I said "somewhat". I know she doesn't want to quit because of everything going on but I am just so worried about her. She has said some things recently that has me VERY concerned and she will not let me take her anywhere, she insists she can wait. I just support her but still am VERY worried about her. I want to thank you all for your support to her and hope you will continualy help her and keep her up and moving, also thank you for your support for me as well it helps a lot.

Well she told our best friends the entire truth and then yelled at me that if this ruins our friendship with them it is over. It kinda took me back for a sec because she holds them higher than me, but then I quickly realized that she holds everything higher than me and I need not think that way. I reasured her that they are true friends and it would be alright. To give a quick background on them, He is extermly homophobic and she is a free spirit control freak, everything her way or it's wrong. Anyway, they have always been there for us, even when I was deployed they would help my W with whatever it was. Well he txted my W and said that it would take more than this to ruin our friendship, that we are family not just friends. He said that he knows me and knows it was just something stupid and that god will get us through this. I also talked to him and he pretty much said the same things to me, I feel sooooo much better knowing that my stupid behaivour hasn't ruined the friendship for us and especially for my W because she needs the support from every angle and his W is her bestfriend, she is even closer with her than she is her own sister. I know I am not really asking for any advice I just wanted to share that with you all to give an idea of how we are doing.

Thanks again to you all and keep us in your prayers we still have a VERY VERY long way to go and I am NOT giving up.

Good, keep on with that. Continue to respond calmly to her anger even when she expresses it with the volume turned up.

Thanks Neak, I am and I will. I LOVE her soooooo VERY much and she is such a great person on so many different levels.