the OM was her boss at work. He is not married but girlfriend/fiancee just had a baby with him. He was sleeping with several girls at his job. When I talked to him a couple of weeks ago, i said "you swore to me that nothing happened between you and my wife and now i know you lied. I am going to get a lawyer involved and sue you and the hotel."

He said" You have no proof of this. Nothing. Stained bedsheets or comforters. You have no proof." I said �I will get my wife to testify�. I gave the phone to my wife as I was livid and I said �tell that MF I will tell his fianc�e�. They talked for like 5 or 10 minutes and she went from hysterical to real calm and peaceful. He was doing all of the talking. She ended the call and I said what did he say, and she muttered something about that he said she stopped taking his calls and texts months ago. Then it hit me. This guy has a collection of guns and weapons, so I told my wife call the guy and tell him I won�t tell his fianc�e. She called him and said my husband won�t tell your fianc�e. Then she said to the OM, I never want to see you again.

I remember that the hotel told her to get a gmail account for emails at work. I got the password to that through a keylogger, and saw a lot of damning evidence. About one week before the discovery in Sept. She was given a corporate email account, and that I could not get access to. So who knows.
Now the images of not just the �one incident� hotel scene, but the many times they went out, and we worked different schedules so she was home in the morning till early afternoon. I saw calls and texts early in the morning between the two about several hours after I had gone to work, so who knows, maybe they had sex at my house on our bed. The images are killing me even though I am trying to block them. But it�s the damn damn damn dishonesty that is just killing me. I really love her and want this to work. I think she wants to also, she is showing a lot of remorse. But when did this affair stop? I mean it�s just killing me.

also she has an iphone and i don't have access to that. she could be using another email account i don't know of and using the iphone to surf the net. Nothing makes sense.

i hate to keep reposting but i am going crazy. The other part killing me is that I was told by several people that the truth will come out when she feels safe. That I was emotionally abusing her. I was only livid at the time of admitting the affair. I was kind to her after that. Yes I used questioning techniques but I felt like I had no other option. She chooses to be dishonest and I think to this day. That I was emotionally torturing her and stuff like that. But I wasn't trying to and feel like I wasn't. I just want answers.

I just want to close this book forever but I feel like I can't when everything is not in the open. How do you start trusting someone like that. Now, at this moment, i am starting to wonder if this affair went much longer than december? this hurts.

This will be the most important exposure you can do against this affair. This should have been done months ago and it most likely would have led to the end of the affair from the beginning. As long as the fiancee doesn't know, the risk is much greater that the affair can go on unimpeded.

This is something I would do NOW, culinary. I am really shocked this was not done a long time ago since it is the single more impactful weapon you have against the affair.

No, the truth will come out when she is pushed to the wall to the tell the truth. A liar doesn't tell the truth whether they feel "safe" or not. She simply does not want to face the consequences of her abuse of you.


That is just terrible that you did that. I actually know a girl who was raped who KICKED her rapist. I can't believe she "abused" him like that!! The problem is that assault victims sometimes kick back. they don't sit quietly while you stick it to them. shame on them!!

Are you reading my posts?

Am I wrong for trying to the complete truth? I don't want to know exactly how many times for the sex, as that will just kill me. But don't tell me one time only. Am I being emotionally abusive? for example last night, i had a yearning to look at the phone records again, i did, it upset me, so i texted my wife "good night but i can't talk to you tonight" she said why, i said i am upset and then went to bed.

this morning i can hear the sadness in her voice and she asked me if i was still upset. I said no. Why can't this woman just be clean, i have given her so many many opportunities to come clean, with no threats to divorce if she comes clean. Again, nothing makes sense.

Cul,

You are making yourself crazy because you have no plan. It was suggested schedule a polygraph and expose.

There ya go. If she won't take the poly, she's not committed to what you need to recover, so plan B.

SWW

I don't feel like you are hearing us. You are a rudderless boat and unless you let us take the wheel for you, you are getting ready to crash.

You are not listening to us.

cul, we have saved our marriages and are well into recovery. Do you want to listen to how we did it?

i really don't want that extreme, but now i feel that i have no option. who knows what her friends are telling her. who knows what her mom will influence her with. i told her mom about this affair when it came out a couple of weeks ago. this sunday i told her mom that my wife has been lying about it for like 9 months, and there is a strong possibility that she was or is in love. She was shocked, as am i. everyday a new reality of facts sets in.

i will do what it takes to get this out.

Yes I agree with sickwith you are just making yourself suffer, if you want the suffer to END then you need to do the following.

1. Expose this A to the OMW (or g/f which ever)
2. Have her take a polygraph

My husband wanted to know EVERY detail!! EVERYTHING, because then once he knew all the details then he could stop imagining the WORST of the WORST of the images he was imagining.

Those are the next two steps you need to do in order for you to not go SO CRAZY! And you are not emotionally abusing her.

When will you be going back home? CAn you get out of this 45 days away from home?

Ya doing this away is not a good idea? Why did you leave? Couldn't you ask to give it to someone else? Whats more important? Sorry

I agree. One question the OM and his gf just had a baby together. gf has told me and my wife in the past that she knows that the om has a history of sleeping around and if that ever happened, she will take that baby and leave. Even though it's screwed up and wrong what he did to me, it's hard to do that to an innocent baby. and also, the guy has weapons and guns, and certain kinds of friends if you catch my drift. what if i am endangering myself.

Don't get me wrong. I am not normally a soft man just in this mess as I am so lost. For pete's sake, I chase tornadoes when they touch for a living.

I'm sorry if I had to choose to marry someone that will be cheating on me threw out our marriage, and have a chance to find someone that would treat me well (better then this @$$hole) then I would want someone to tell me BEFORE I married the B@ST@RD.

Your choice?

I would TELL HER before she marries this POS that will cheat on her threw out her marriage! Do her a FAVOR!! PLEASE!!

Get a restraining order from him if your too scared of him. Please do his g/f a favor! Save her from this guy before it gets any worse for her and her new baby! I would not want my child around someone who sleeps with other woman.

i apologize for asking this question over and over again, i just need to know. especially from people who have been down this road and their marriage recovered and got much stronger.

Why is she still saying that there is nothing more to tell? or am I just picking at straws and assuming the worst? Is there more to this story than meets the eye?

again, i apologize for the questions. I am literally begging for someone to hold my hand and walk me through this. I will do as advised. Just please help with these questions, I am listening to all of you.

In that case it would be even more immoral and cruel to not tell her since she has told you she would leave. To not tell her is to help him TRICK and DECEIVE her into staying. That is worse than NOT telling your neighbor that his bookkeeper is embezzling money from him.

In this case, there is a little baby involved, so you would have to be especially heartless to not tell her in this case. Maybe you don't give a crap about her, but please think of the baby.

Please, have a heart, man.

This is where I would start. Call her up and expose the affair.

If there are any other close friends and family members, expose to them within the same time frame. Does the OM have a facebook page? If so, copy all his contacts and start sending them an exposure letter. post to follow...