Thread jack ON:

Silent!

How is AZ?

LG

Thread jack OFF:

Thread jack ON:

Hey UPS man!

I am soooo anxious these days, preparing to hit the road, preparing for this next stage in my life, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be, at this point. I will be leaving MD on the 25th or 26th. DS will follow in a week by plane (lucky kid :/)

Life is good, cuz I let it be. It's not easy, but it's good

Silent:

Well, the UPS man doesn't move households, but I can take care of the little stuff that you forgot, then remember when you get there...

Remember that Bugsy is just off I-70....

LG

It is a good summer for swimming, so much so that my sis bought one of those round above ground pop up numbers, for our townhouse. It has been great!

Bugsy, I like what LG said about the choices you have on how you can handle this sitch with Ladybugs. You have to be honest, that's all. I often discuss with DS why I am the way I am with his dad, how we are not close, why we are not close, and why *I* choose for it to be so (because his dad would prolly want a closer, more cordial relationship if he could have it). I don't associate with the Z OR any women he's with, not because of the women, but because his father continually lied to me, and I don't want that in my life. (these are terms DS can understand for now). As DS ages, and as he has more questions, I will fill in more details as is appropriate. I need for DS to understand that lying, in whatever form, even by omission, is not the way to go, IMO.

Silent:

I like this:

"I don't associate with the Z OR any women he's with, not because of the women, but because his father continually lied to me, and I don't want that in my life. "

Lots of truth in that statement Bugs.

LG

So is Denver.

I have struggled internally with what to tell DS until I realized that I needed only talk to him of MY core issue with his dad. At the core, it is lying. Sure, I'm angry that he cheated on me. It was devastating. At the core of even THAT issue is lying. He lied by omission, by not coming to me sooner with his anger or his issues with me. I would rather face someones anger and resentment than to be blindsided by their version of justice.

Anyway, obviously O&H is high on my list.

Sooooo, be honest with yourself and then others, especially your children, about your motivations. Your daughter will not always like what you have to say, or what you will or won't do (welcome to parenthood :/) . Our children will probably always want their parents to AT LEAST play nice, but it is not always what is best. For some of us, minimal contact is best. When i talk to DS, I try to convey to him that his dad is just another person on this earth, and that I won't tolerate dishonesty from anyone.

For now, my main motivation is to teach my kid what's universally right and wrong. I'm not interested in the gray areas for now. It's too confusing and he loses interest in those conversations. I'm sure DS struggles with the loss he has incurred by his parent's divorcing, but I cannot allow that to make me feel sorry for him and coddle him. I deal in the now, the reality.

3-years and 19 days. But who is counting?

The Jimmy Hoffa Plan B For Life from the Far Side of Pluto!

The only way to fly.

How is Pluto this time of year?

If I had no young children with the Z, I would be living on the far side of Mars...oh, wait, that's where I'm moving.

Although I do not envy how you got there, I sometimes envy those who can truly cut their WS's out completely.

I just ran an errand with DS, to buy him some new shoes. He said, "Mom, I really like Weight Watchers strawberry shortcake ice cream bars". I asked him if his dad ate those. He said, "No, it's B, you know, that friend of daddy's I talk about here and there". The first thought that ran through my head is, "I wonder what the next lady's name will be?" I've already condemned their relationship and am waiting for the next lady that DS will get to meet Ho hum...hope I'm wrong.

A pleasantly dark Wayzilla free zone.


She has not even tried to break Plan B since a voice message she left in April 2009. She gets it!!!



Oh, I am sure the Z's relationship skills are finely honed by now............*cricket chirp*........*cricket chirp*.....

Sharp as a butter knife, yup.

Thanks for the quick reply and support!

I did reply to her with openness and honesty � which I always try to do in an age appropriate manner.

Basically I told her it wasn�t going to happen. I tried to wait after giving her an answer to see just how much of a response she was looking for from me. I let her know that it was not about Ho2, but simply the way life is after divorce. When she pressed, I went on to talk about how I can�t be friends with Daddy, we are no longer part of each other�s lives other than we both love her & DS very much and want the best for them. She knows that it is because of his lies & cheating that we divorced at his insistence - - she said as much again during our conversation.

The truth of the matter is that when Ho2 came to our work I was unsure of her relationship with Drac. They were purporting they were just friends from previous company and he was still living with Ho1. I had occasion to meet her at a work function that included the majority of the staff staying in the hotel at the event. I basically told her that I KNEW she KNEW and supported his affair when they worked at the other company. Of course, she denied. I ignored it and told her that I was willing tolet it go - - giving her a chance at a new start with me in her new job at our company. While not a offer to be BFFs, it was an offer to be professionally friendly.

Then I saw her & Drac in the elevator together the next morning. She was not booked in a room to stay there. Needless to say, she has never once reached out to me in any way, shape or form either professionally or personally. I won�t lay it all on her, as I can only imagine how Drac has influenced her in that regard. I just feel that I made the gesture to be friendly and it was never returned by her. I put the ball in her court long ago.

I do try to be as diplomatic as possible for Ladybugs sake. I just don�t want her to look back someday and think �Mom always BLAMED Dad for the divorce and never passed up the chance to make that point.� I have not let myself off scot free in our conversations and I do make it a point to let her know that I do not believe myself to be perfect in any way. As you say, I just try to be the moral compass.

We just had a conversation last week about not wanting to have anyone who lies or cheats (in any fashion) as a friend. I know she gets it.

As you say, LG, it is a fantasy for her. I wish I could make her dreams come true, but I am just not capable. I guess I feel like I should be able to somehow get past all of it and make it as easy as possible for her � but I just can�t. I know that more involvement with him will hurt me

So, I am with you, SL, that it's about the core issues and being open and honest with my kids. The rest, well, will be what it will be.

With this latest relationship, Drac is on exactly the same 'schedule' he was with Ho1. Dramatic breakup and then shortly thereafter, are moving in together at the 1 year 6 month mark. If it remains on course, she will be gone before Christmas.

And like you, I wonder what the name of the next one will be. I am hoping the next time around he will find someone that does NOT work at the same place or even in the same industry!

I know you aren't looking forward to the drive, but it's sure going to be nice for you when you arrive at the new chapter in your life, SL! Am SO happy for you! You need to let me know if you are passing close & if you have time for a brief stop in the Midwest! Would love to see you!

Chris - am sorta jealous of your continued position on the dark side of Pluto!

LG - If I could only get my pool water to clear up, I'll be set for a weekend of relaxing and letting it all go! Am off to Denver this afternoon and back tomorrow. Am having to 'rough' it at a golf tournament tomorrow!

Thanks guys for your support - for the Thread Jack (on and off), and the smiles. I always feel better knowing you all understand.

Bugs,

I can't say anything better than SL. She's the WordDog, hands down. And her advice ain't bad either!!!

Poor Ladybugs will have to go through a string of ho's in her lifetime. Start dubbing them Ho(x) because sooner or later you won't be able to remember exactly what number you're talking about. Gee, I thought he was waaaay beyond Ho2 anyway.

And maybe for a guy this is the high life, but man, it has to be exhausing going from one relationship to the next without stopping at Starbucks. You would think that even a guy would want some stability or down periods. I don't think Drac likes down periods if you know what I mean.

As for the triggers, I'm beginning to wonder if they ever go away. Like you, I am trying to manage them when they come but sometimes I just can't and have to roll with it. When that happens it does feel just like dday all over again. It's really hard to imagine your life partner with someone else.

Bugs, I'm convinced that if we just keep doing the right things, we will survive and thrive. I think you are already there.

Hi Bugs, sorry that this is continuing.

You a strong Goddess even on those trigger days.

Good you explained to your DD about why this "friendship" was never happening.

Think that DD feels guilty if she has a R with Ho2 because she does not want to hurt you. That shows that she respects you and has empathy. Nothing wrong with that.

Try and keep her away from all these fantasy island shows where all the D parents are buddy buddy. Two come to mind Reba, which I was shocked when I saw a few episodes that I will never watch again, and Cougar Town. It gives kids the wrong idea and feeds into waywardness.

Blessings.

Bugsy:

I knew you would respond in a GREAT manner to LadyBugs.

As for this:

Shock, Shock, Shock! That pool, than adjust your PH level up or down. Usually, if you get it balanced, than the hot weather won't mess it up, but if it isn't balanced and the weather gets hot, the PH starts to move, and then its wacky.


Annual Golf tournament, eh? You have been quite the Goddess at these things in the past...

Something else for Drac to miss... Compare too... Wonder about..




LG

I love "Reba"... if you watch the show long enough, it DOESN'T promote waywardness at all. In fact, one of the reasons I love it so much is because of the many jabs that Reba gets in about the Bimbo (behind her back AND to her face).

There have been some very sad scenes too where Reba and XWH discuss the affair the he expresses remorse over what he did to his family. There are scenes where the children show their own issues having to deal with dad's adultery.

If you watch it long enough, it's funny in part, very real in part and DOES take a stand against adultery.

It was funny but I could not get over the part with the OW and XH in her house all the time and being one big happy family. It bugged me (no pun intended for Bugs). You know that I am always one who likes to throw jabs when I get a chance, but in my own house?? If PP came to my house with XH it would be on a plate with an apple in her mouth.

Hey y'all

Bugsy, I knew you had probably answered with honesty. I write here to give my perspective and hope to help others going through this carp.

This new Ho is just another in a long string...Ladybugs will figure it out. As for being diplomatic, well, I get that. I am civil. That's about it. I don't know this girl...wouldn't know her if she passed me on the street. I prefer it that way.

I think it's best that you can't make this type of dream come true, because it is false and only leads to poor decision making in her future. It's better that she learns to cope with reality and find happiness under those circumstances....in my humble little opinion.

Keep the pH up on that pool water and shock it. pH UP pH UP pH UP!!!

And when all else fails --- shock it with plain old bleach. it works.

That show has been very healing for me. Especially since there is an OC involved. Reba and Brock's interactions actually made me cry.