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Thanks. It has only been about 2 months since I found out. I am finding lately that it is getting harder. Her being away is making it much harder. When she gets home I will have a better handle on how she really feels. Until she is I can't really do anything but try and protect myself. Not really sure how well I am doing that. I find that I don't eat supper anymore. But I am exercising more than I did before so that is good. I am feeling more like I want to tell her to hit the road because she is so in the fog and if she is at a friend�s house for a week maybe she will realize. My kids are even madder at her then I am because they see how this is affecting me. But I find I have to defend her to them because I really want them to have a relationship with their mom. I don't have one with my parents and I really regret that. I can�t believe I have to try to protect her relationship with them. And I do feel for you, I know how difficult and painful this is...esp when children are involved, but you do not need to protect her relationship with her children for her...that is not up to you, just love on them as much as you can. It is up to her to have a relationship with her children.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Okay, if you want more people to post and more opinions...I will just add my 2 cents....This is what you need to do.... Isn't gonna happen for this one, gf. He's too afraid. We've got some BSs going after saving their Ms on the other threads, though - see you over there! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Jan 2008
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SH and MB It is the long weekend you know! Lots of people outta town. What I hear on this thread Nesre
M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011
Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
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Joined: Nov 2008
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EEEEEWWWWWW, I hate crickets....Blech!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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Sg,
You are not stuck, you are just refusing to move. Your W has over 20 years if all you want is part of her pension, then file for divorce. Your kids won't mind.
Seriously, their relationship with her is her job not yours. You should NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES defend your W. You are failing her and your children when you do that. You fail her because she does not get the feedback of consequences for her actions and thus has no reason to change her behavior. You are failing your children because you are teaching them to accept abuse, accept lies, accept infidelity. You should not be surprised if one or more of your children mirrors your W's actions because they know there are no repercusions for such behavior.
If you do nothing else be a good role model for your children and you are not, by sitting there doing nothing. DO not defend your W and her actions. Tell and show your children the proper way to treat people, and show them how to treat people that betray you and lie to you.
Your W sounds like a woman with a bag of rocks for brains, because after 20 years she should know the consequences for fraternization in the military.
You will not save your marriage by taking no action because it means that there is no reason for your W to change her perspective, her behavior, nor her attention to this marriage.
If you want to save this marriage take action, she might even learn to respect you.
Time to get with the program our you will not only lose your W and marriage, you will lose the respect of your children and teach them lessons you don't want them to learn.
Please think about it.
God Bless,
JL
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Surprisedguy,
JL and others are correct. Don't just sit around and wait. Expose now- even to her CDR.
-SOL
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Posts: 12,357 |
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
We're here Lots going on though...but we're here...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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SG, Let me quote from a college football coach I had. I had blown a play by not being aggressive enough. He walked over to me and in a deep southern drawl said Damn boy, do something wrong right once in your life. Translation: The worst thing you can do is be uncertain and do nothing. Even if you do the wrong thing it is better than doing nothing. Now if you have read the articles on this site and if you even call the Harleys' once the odds of you doing the wrong thing are smaller than you think. She is the one in the wrong. She is the one messing up the marriage. She is the one that has to face your children. Retaliation is not a good thing. But, firm action with a purpose is a good thing. Think about it. JL
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