Hard to believe that a man would bring another woman into the marital home, even harder to believe that OW would even want to come into another woman's home. But a picture too? And in the kitchen? Man, that would make me want to burn down the house.

Well I guess weekends are not my time; checked VM on WH phone, found a VM from her telling him that he dared to talk to her about her past (since the news of the A roke we have found out this is not her first A, it appears it may at least be her fifth) when he has had all these B....es in his life. I have been asking him daily if she called and he has denied it, now he finally admitted that she called and he had a brief conversation with her, then it took him another couple of hours before he admitted that he brought up her past because at first he was saying that all he said to her was that he would not speak to her-who the heck needs to answer a phone to tell someone they no longer want to talk to them.

Yes that has been exactly my thoughts, I even threatened to do it --but of course I can't. neither one of them has an ounce of decency and this is why I wonder if I will ever be able to get past this whole sordid mess!!

VM was from OW

Well this weekend is much calmer, this past week I had my 55th birthday, I was very depressed. WH is being very supportive, doing much research online re rebuilding trust in a marriage after infidelity. He and my daughter took me to a spa yesterday where I had several treatments. I am still very down in the dumps, I have my next appointment with my therapist this week. WH has one also, his second. I have not yet committed to marriage counselling, I have told WH that my therapy is to get me to a point where I can get over my crisis and can start functioning in a calmer manner, I had 2 violent outbursts this week but they did not last as long as the others so I guess there is some improvement. Am I wrong in not agreeing to marriage counselling at this time? still trying to conquer the rage!!!

I'm sure you won't remember this birthday fondly, teaser. May your next one be better. (((teaser)))

I pulled that one line out of your last post because it provoked me severely...I offer that if your H is still in ANY kind of contact with OW he IS NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE, nor is he REBUILDING TRUST! What an insult, to verbalize blah blah, and research "rebuilding trust" when he's still in contact with the person he broke your trust with! Agggh. No wonder you're furious.

Suggest you send him here to this forum so we can explain (more calmly than you could) what he has to do to truly "support" you and "rebuild trust."

Your exposure is done. More drama there will only be destructive to you, and to any plan to repair your marriage. Let those chips fall where they may.

Your H is up to bat, and what he must do is hand-write the OW a no-contact letter, explaining that what he did was wrong; he is sorry for the pain he caused you, his wife, and his family; and that he wants no further contact of any kind with her. None. YOU read it and drop it in the mailbox.

THEN, he must abide by that no-contact rule, regardless of what she does. He should change his phone numbers, his email addresses, and cancel his Facebook page--anything that would provide her an avenue to contact him.

BTW, no contact with OW means YOU TOO. Talking to her, texting her, seeing her--all inspire more rage and pain, and divert energy from your goal to heal yourself and your marriage. Cut it out, for your own sake, regardless of whether you decide to work on repairing your marriage or not. She is NOTHING. Let her stew in her own juices. Do not give her any space in your life.

Well said RTW!!

Hello, Chai. I'm following your story, even though I rarely post on it. You are a beacon of style and grace for all here.

RHW