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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Good Article on the"husband stealers"

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Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Enlightened_Ex #2383917 06/02/10 02:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,277 SDF-1 G Gack1 Member
Gack1 Member G Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,277 SDF-1	Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex I've simply said that WHEN they do, it's far less likely that the marriage will recover because of the reasons I've cited before. I agree Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Gack1 #2383918 06/02/10 02:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Yes, it does seem that that is true... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Gack1 #2383927 06/02/10 02:15 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Originally Posted by Gack1 Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex I'm not sure 5% is the number, but it wouldn't shock me given what Dr H says about BW being very reluctant to choose divorce. I'm not sure the exact number, I was really just griping that there is a misconception that BW's far outnumber BH's to the point that most BW's assume all affairs are WH's because that is the BW's perception due to personal experience. When in reality the number of BS's on both sides are almost equal, and the trend is for WW's to eclipse WH's in the near future. My personal experience would lead me to believe that 95% of all affairs are between married women and single men. This is because out of all the BS's I personally know of, the number of BH's is 95% of the total.. But, I know my perception is off due to my own experience. I'm just griping, thats all. I was just referring to this part, I am just saying that I dont assume that all affairs are by the husband because I am a BW, it was even before that...I assume it because I am a woman,I think. And that my personal experience is far different than this... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Gack1 #2383929 06/02/10 02:17 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Originally Posted by Gack1 Originally Posted by stillhere8126 Because as a mother It is just hard for me to fathom that a mother could do this to her family..... Almost all of the WW's I have personally known are mothers. The sole exception being my wife, who became a mother due to her affair. Originally Posted by stillhere8126 Do you think men always assume its the husband that cheats or is it just woman that do that?... Before I became a BS I assumed it was about 50/50. Now due to my experience and paying attention to those of people around me I instinctively believe ALL woman have, will, or are cheating. And so are some men. But, I know that is due to my personnel experience tainting my perception of reality and not actually true. See men assume one way, woman another.... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2383939 06/02/10 02:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,277 SDF-1 G Gack1 Member
Gack1 Member G Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,277 SDF-1	Originally Posted by stillhere8126 See men assume one way, woman another.... You missunderstand. Before I was a BS I figured cheating was for the most part 50/50. I still know that overall it is 50/50, but my perception of my own life experiance tends to try and "Trick me" into beliving it's mostley women cheating. Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Gack1 #2383943 06/02/10 02:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Oh, whereas my perception is because I am a woman and I just cant believe that another woman would leave her family.....Yeah, different. Well I have been thinking and when I was a teen and early twenties I was very attractive....I had a lot of propositions from MM, maybe that tainted me to think that all men cheat....There will always be someone younger and prettier and men will alway go after them if they can....I know thats a misconception, but I think that is what tainted me. BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2383953 06/02/10 02:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	and then it happened to me... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Gack1 #2384125 06/02/10 08:17 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	Originally Posted by Gack1 Originally Posted by stillhere8126 Because as a mother It is just hard for me to fathom that a mother could do this to her family..... Almost all of the WW's I have personally known are mothers. The sole exception being my wife, who became a mother due to her affair. Originally Posted by stillhere8126 Do you think men always assume its the husband that cheats or is it just woman that do that?... Before I became a BS I assumed it was about 50/50. Now due to my experience and paying attention to those of people around me I instinctively believe ALL woman have, will, or are cheating. And so are some men. But, I know that is due to my personnel experience tainting my perception of reality and not actually true. Well i certainly have believed it was more the man than the women and not because i am a BW or a woman but because in my experience that is what i have seen. I know one WW and that was my brother's wife. I know of several WH's however, mine, my dad, my other brother, and two of my fellow co-workers husbands just off the top of my head. And i certainly have never cheated and have no plan on cheating. I have VERY EXTREME EP's and it would very unlikely that i would ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex, so it makes it rather difficult to meet my ENs if i won't even talk to you. Not saying it couldn't happen, it is just very unlikely to happen. And i think that women do not divorce their husbands over infidelity because it has been happening for so long that no one even thinks anything about it. I mean how many remember the old saying "now, boys will be boys". And it is still that way today, men gawk at attractive women all the time. They fall all over themselves for an attractive women, it is sometimes amusing to watch. And typically a man has a higher sex drive than a woman and thinks about sex something like once every 7 seconds i do believe is what i have heard. He also wants to cake eat so he would never file for divorce, the wife is the one that usually does because she gets tired of him running around.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384128 06/02/10 08:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	ITA, Still... but the boys are gonna be ma-ad Wait for it.... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2384130 06/02/10 08:23 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	I know they will .......... But i will just tell mom on them ........ Last edited by Still_Crazy; 06/02/10 08:25 PM.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384132 06/02/10 08:25 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2384133 06/02/10 08:26 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	I guess i better run......

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384135 06/02/10 08:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Yup, as fast as you can... See ya! BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2384137 06/02/10 08:31 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	I am not for feared of them (too much anyway ).......

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384140 06/02/10 08:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Originally Posted by Still_Crazy I am not for feared of them (too much anyway )....... Teeheehee..I am. BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384144 06/02/10 08:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 8,240 Ontario, Canada S Scotland Member
Scotland Member S Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 8,240 Ontario, Canada	Okay, well my thinking is 50/50. Out of the 5 marriages in my immediate family and WH's, we would get this. BIL and SIL BOTH had an affair. My MIL and FIL both had AFFAIRS. My BIL had an affair on my sister. My Mom had an affair. And my WH is having an affair. These happened in the last 5 years. Even if you go back to my grandparents. My maternal grandfather was the adulterer. My paternal grandmother was the adulterer which resulted in a 32 year affairage. 50/50 in my life experience. The thing is, I tend to believe that when you INCLUDE EAs(which A LOT of people DON'T) that there are probably A LOT more Women having EAs ALONE than Men. I may be wrong. But that's what I see. I also never realized how many affair happen where the APs are BOTH married. That is an interesting stat that I didn't know before. BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click here Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM �Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.� ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" stillhere8126 #2384148 06/02/10 08:43 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	Originally Posted by stillhere8126 Originally Posted by Still_Crazy I am not for feared of them (too much anyway )....... Teeheehee..I am. It's okay, i may not be a Texan but i will protect us (or run really fast)........

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Still_Crazy #2384151 06/02/10 08:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 8,240 Ontario, Canada S Scotland Member
Scotland Member S Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 8,240 Ontario, Canada	"or run really fast" you only have to be faster than Still. Oh GEEZ there are 2 Stills talking to eachother. Hmmmmm that can't be GOOD. BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click here Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM �Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.� ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Scotland #2384153 06/02/10 08:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617 S stillhere8126 Member
stillhere8126 Member S Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,617	Emotional Affairs, of course...I forgot about those...Most people (outside of us smart MBers) dont even count those as Affairs..... BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.

Re: Good Article on the"husband stealers" Scotland #2384154 06/02/10 08:50 PM
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305 S Still_Crazy Member
Still_Crazy Member S Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,305	Originally Posted by Scotland Okay, well my thinking is 50/50. Out of the 5 marriages in my immediate family and WH's, we would get this. BIL and SIL BOTH had an affair. My MIL and FIL both had AFFAIRS. My BIL had an affair on my sister. My Mom had an affair. And my WH is having an affair. These happened in the last 5 years. Even if you go back to my grandparents. My maternal grandfather was the adulterer. My paternal grandmother was the adulterer which resulted in a 32 year affairage. 50/50 in my life experience. The thing is, I tend to believe that when you INCLUDE EAs(which A LOT of people DON'T) that there are probably A LOT more Women having EAs ALONE than Men. I may be wrong. But that's what I see. I also never realized how many affair happen where the APs are BOTH married. That is an interesting stat that I didn't know before. Wow Scottie, that is alot of Affairs going on there whew, how can you keep up? As you and i both know though those single OP are a lot harder to get rid of because they have no one at home trying to bring them back...... And i don't know about a lot of women having EA's either, at least not in my experience. Most of the women i know feel the same way i do and are uncomfortable around men who are not their husband. None of them go to lunch with men or have men friends. But as i say that is just my experience

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