One of us has to be faster ........

Wanna race still............

Whadeeya mean by dat?

Okay...Im ready.

Ok here's my take. I'm an FWW. I had an A at 48 with an OM who was also married. (I'm now 56). People who had As were so far removed from my experience or what was ever likely to be my experience that I was very naive. No one ever hit on me, it was "weird" people who had As.

My family history is parents married for over 50 years with no As. My sister divorced at 30 with no A on either side. They should NEVER have married in the first place. My father became ill when they got engaged he was so upset but there were no grounds whatsoever to try and talk her out of the marriage. She was an adult and would have just dug her toes in more if we'd said anything.

My niece divorced at 30 because she suffers from a serious illness (which won't go away but is manageable), is a very hard working criminal lawyer and who married a man who gave her no support whatsoever, either emotional or physical. He expected her to go partying after she'd spent a harrowing day in court. He left all domestic chores for her. Nothing she said or did changed anything. She had to get out for her sanity.

My coworker is unhappily married (been married over 38 years) but is not going to leave because it is too much effort after all these years. Her H will never change and they have enough good times to make it bearable for her. There is no physical or verbal abuse just a constant, constant "walking on eggshells" situation.

Of course I can see what the problem is in these marriages. Anyone who has done MB can. All these people have given it their best shot but you can't change other people.

Now when I hear of someone divorcing I do think there is probably someone else involved.

Oooh I thought of another case. My bridesmaid got divorced after three children. Her reason was constant neglect. People don't just suddenly decide to get divorced - the people I've known have gone through hell making their decision. My H's best friend got divorced because he was only in the marriage in body. He was just never there but there was no one else involved. He preferred being with the boys or sailing.

I see a pattern here and I see that the women were the one's to instigate the divorce. The men were all quite happy with the status quo. Their wives did everything for them and the children and the men themselves didn't have to do anything - just turn up at home.

My SIL exH was the same way, no A's on either side, but he preferred to be fishing or hunting or on his 4 wheeler pretty much every weekend.

After about 10 years she finally said, if i am going to always be alone anyway i might as well just be alone period so she divorced him.

Kiwij....glad your back. Hope your okay....

Now..It is weird how we have all had such different experiences with the people we know...I cant even make heads or tails of it anymore.

Ready, set, go...........

Still won.

Thanks Still.

This thread has made me think about when my DD and DS were in their early teens. There were a spate of divorces amongst their schoolfriends' parents. At the time I thought "what a lot of people don't get along these days" but looking back, I realise that there were no doubt other people involved.

Of our close friends I only know of two who divorced because of infidelity. One really surprised us because they'd kept his numerous A's hidden from us and unknown to us (until later) it was the last A that broke the camel's back.

Another one was a friend who had also separated twice before divorcing. It was his As that finally clinched it. At the time I was SOOOOO naive. I just thought they didn't love each other any more.

I think all of us on MB have lost any naivety that we had about affairs...and I think now I am completely pulled in the other direction...suspecting everyone.

I know It's 50/50, I just hate the.... I don't know..."Stigma" I guess you could call it.

It just seems to me that most people, especially women assume that if there is, or will be an affair, It's the man having it.

But the truth is, today (Not 10 yrs ago) it is 50/50, yet this stigma, even here on MB persists.

Yup, even harder when it's a WW who is in Lerve "For the first time ever" with a single OM.

See, I think another factor with this may be age.

I'm 33, most of my friends and/or coworkers are 25-35. Most of the married women I associate with don't seem to be bothered at all by being around men who are not there husbands.

They flirt with the men around them, passing it of as "Just Kidding"

They go to bars with there single female friends to have a "Girls Night Out"

They have close male friends.

Some even "Keep in touch" with X-Boy Freinds......

All things that we here on MB know are bad Ideas that can/will lead to an affair. Either they are terribly naive, or just don't care about there marriage's.

That or I just happen to live in a "Skank" hot spot.

But I also think that people of my generation and younger for the most part missed out on morals that where instilled on older folks, and I think as a society that is going to be terribly detrimental.

That lost sentence is soooo true Gack.....The rest of it, well IDK (just kidding)...THe younger people dont believe in sacrifice anymore either...Its all me me me, now now now....

Then you get a younger person going after an older person who has good morals...and they tell them "what are you doing, screw your family, you DESERVE to be "happy", life is too short" and "happy" to them is leaving your responsilities behind , your problems behind and start over (less work that way)...

ITA Gack and it is sad to me.............

Hopefully since i am an older folk , i instilled it in my children even against society.