TB:

VAR...NOW!

Please keep one on you at all times when you interact with her.


You *don't* need her tying this up in court and trying to get the kids from you.

I think a lawyer is a good idea. Sooner rather than later. And yeah, I'd keep checking the email even though before this, I would have recommended trying to stay dark.

I went out to talk to her when she came to drop off the boys. She was very apprehensive.

I asked her, "So, are we still doing mediation?" She said, "Um, yes." I said, "Okay, just making sure since I sent you a bunch of stuff today." She said she got it but was kind of busy. I told her that I wasn't sure what we needed to happen at this point. She said she needs to forward a few more thing to them. She said she thinks my DL#, my work address and maybe my SS#.

I asked her if her support number was still good since I need to work the financial angle. She said, "Um, I'm not sure since you said you want everything in the house." I said, "Well, as I mentioned, that was a best case scenario, and I totally understand how that may not be feasible."

The boys were around so that was good. She said she'd e-mail me what was needed.

I know the enemy. And it is her........

TBC

## The convo was very civil, but I think both of us were doing pretty decent acting jobs.......##

Be careful TBC

Keep the zingers aka Plan FU under control until its over. Once you are free from the tyrant - that is the time to unleash it

Look up PSUBIKER's thread. Keep a VAR on you at all times, like suggested.

Also, try NEVER to be alone with her. If she comes to get her stuff have someone there, not just the kids.

I agree with everybody on at least some point, but especially about "intelligence" (in its loosest POSSIBLE sense!) gathering on WW's schemes. If you have the opportunity to know of any plots being hatched against you, and are able to stuff your emotions in a impenetrable fortress long enough to read what you need to know, I think the value of not letting her blindside you with some devious, underhanded attack, can hardly be overestimated.

This just could be me. I H.A.T.E. surprises. I hated them before, and after living a life which has, for 8 years now, provided a steady stream of the villainous devils, I loathe them beyond my ability to express. So my approval of continuing to sleuth is rooted in my own need to know and not be surprised. Maybe yours isn't as strong as mine, and getting hurt by what you might find would be greatly outweigh the value of the intel. That's your call...but if it were I, I'd snoop till the day I got caught and lost my information source...or until the information became irrelevant to my personal and legal plans.

tl

Agree w/ the rest. VAR, other adult present, etc.

Also agree to keep snooping to avoid being blindsided. I am concerned about the legal aspect...Can you speak w/ the mediator and see if Skatt has moved anything along w/ that? I suspect Skatt may be gearing up for a real, lawyerized legal battle to take you for all she can.

I agree with tnl. I think you are darn lucky that you found out she is escalating.
Oh, the "add it to the file" stuff? Empty threat. But a sign that she is going to turn uglier.
I also agree about the VAR. Never ever be in her presence or on the phone (speakerphone?) with her without it.

Yes, at this point, I will be EXTREMELY CAREFUL.

I could tell from the e-mail that she's been over to his place. You know what? I don't even care about that anymore.

I just want out. No more jabs, no more zingers, no more interaction. I will get this thing in the pipeline as soon as I can.

Frankly, this is SCARY stuff. Now I'm extremely thankful that I checked the e-mail.

Wow.

TBC

Skatt is definitely moving the process along. Telling me about the PA, seeing my responses, and talking to the boys was enough to get her to switch gears.

I think she was surprised that I was so accommodating this evening. It was a lot of "what information do I need to supply?" and "I don't want to be holding up the process."

You guys are right that the surveillance must continue. This was enough of a surprise for me.

My venting, snark, sarcasm, and over-the-top humor (heck even under the bottom humor) will be limited to this forum. She is a nut-job and she and the Pig can wallow in the mire from now until they get sick of each other. I'm sick of both of them.

She did say that she enjoyed the peace from us not being around one another, so I expect the distance thing to hold. THAT is a good thing.

She is toxic and I want ZERO to do with her.

TBC

If you haven't yet changed the locks, you might want to videotape everything in the house...just in case something that's NOT on the "hers" list, disappears.

Better yet, just change the locks.

And I also agree with having someone else around every time she comes over.

TBC:

Ask Justuss to send you a complete electronic transcript of your original Thread. So that you have a copy that can be provided as evidence in the courtroom, if ever needed. They know the drill here at the MBDB about that. It sucks that they have to be put in this position sometimes, but there is SO MUCH good here, that it far outweighs the negatives.

Don't be surprised by the "He's scaring me" allegations. Standard WW tactics. Backed up by the fact that she will spout them to her legal eagles so that there is some so-called "external evidence"

The VAR in your packet is important going forward. Although she is "afraid" of you, she will keep coming around in order to maybe "provoke" you. And build her case.

You can however, every evening, consistently and without fail, document the days events going forward. She will have the things she said to someone, and the short emails she sends out. You however, will have the daily log of your activities. Where you detail what happened. You have been asked to do this in the past, and you may have substansial info already, just keep it up, and add more detail.

Continue to monitor her emails. Forward anything you like to another account you set up for that. Make sure you save the header info, detailing the dates and times the original messages were created, and to which accounts she sent the emails. That way, if need be, you have the account info to be subpeonaed if need be. You don't have to reveal that you are monitoring them, or that you already have copies, but if the supoena is served and the account suddenly is "blank" you can provide your info, and get a contempt charge.

Personally, I think you are done here at the MBDB. If she finds your info here, it will be used against you in the most negative way. You find alot of support here, but she knows about MB, and she might get curious one day.

You can certainly sanitize this thread and just post innocent daily ramblings, and not the blow by blow accounts. Be safe, not sorry. Or at least, be snarky, not personal.

Don't worry about the lawyer just yet. Set up another appointment with the mediator, and just go for broke there.

She is "afraid"? Then lets get it over.
She wants her freedom? This is the fastest way.
She wants to minimize costs? This is the cheapest way.

Videotape everything in the house. Open drawers, and pull stuff off shelves. You do not have to linger, but shoot slowly, so that the "Freeze Frame" shots are clear. Just like if you were taping for insurance proposes. Take a nice long video of the convertible.

You do NOT have to do this Plan D at her speed. She has shown, repeatedly, that she has NO desire to do ANY of the work. I would even go and counter-sue, or SUE for Divorce, because its a possiblity NOTHING has been done yet. She may have visited a lawyer, and asked for something to be done, but you haven't been served, so so far, nothing counts until you are. You want to have some snarky fun, have her served in her classroom. LLL can provide some pointers on that...

It really sucks that you have removed the knife from the hand that has been slowly peeling your skin off for the past 10 months, and started to use it against her.

Sucks to be her.

LG

Hello everyone.

Thought I'd pop in to say hello. Haven't been around too much. My laptop was the recipient of a pesky virus, so I am operating with a replacement desktop. I have missed being away, but I was busy with TB_11 and hockey, and continuing the reconstruction process of my life.

In terms of what's going on with TBC? Well, there was a phone call last week that was riddled with a fairly material degree of waffling - but I KNOW that won't come as a surprise to any of you guys. Yes, it resonated a little, but after bouncing it off some of my friends who are well up to speed on things, I felt a bit better. I'm just playing things congenial when I am contacted by Skatt, and if I don't need her for anything -- which is usually the case, by the way -- I stay the heck away.

TB_11 had a tournament this past weekend and I guess one of the mom's who knows the deal didn't act all nice and sappy to her, so yesterday, Skatt complained to me about it. After the game, she tracked me down and acted all nice. (TB_11'S team won the championship and he stopped 23 out of 24 shots so he played very well.) As Fred-O noted on LLL's thread, a wayward likes to blame the betrayed for everything. I'm still wondering how Skatt could possibly blame me for that darn oil rig in the Gulf...

We should see some real progress this week on the D-Front. Just working with various folks on the finances of the settlement.

I spent Saturday with a married couple who we've been friends with for awhile. The wife used to be good friends with Skatt. Now that she knows the REAL DEAL, it seems like she is less interested in maintaining that friendship with her.

The boys seem to be doing alright. I am doing pretty well. When I start to get sucked into looking back, that's when I start to feel that internal angst building. When I refocus back on the road ahead, I feel a sense of calmness, of hope, and yes, even a sense of enthusiasm.

As a sidenote, I do feel compelled to continue to publicly elaborate on my situation - of course in a much more abridged manner. Not so much to solicit assistance and support to recover the M, but rather to gives others HOPE that they'll be alright. As awful and ugly as their situation is, they'll get through it. While in the midst of the storm, the concept of resiliency and personal recovery is so foreign. All of the sights are set on getting that spouse back, and getting things "back to normal" -- whatever the heck 'normal' is. I used to be like that. I couldn't fathom personal recovery because I wasn't a person per se. I mean, yes I was, but I think I was more of a component of something larger - a relationship. A relationship that encompassed a lot years, and memories, and purchases. And children. All of these aspects that ultimately were by-products of that relationship.

Now? I'm just a person. And now that I realize that, it isn't difficult to ascertain that, when you boil it all down, we're all just persons. I've done some really good things along this journey. Sure, there's definitely things I could've done better. (There I go again, trying to pull weeds on my side of the fence.....) I think I have an opportunity to truly impact those who struggle with their own degree of betrayal. The efforts I put into ME have helped to create a tremendous foundation for the future. MY future. I think I can give some folks hope. To let them know that LIFE IS PRECIOUS. I made some pretty heartfelt declarations to Skatt. You all know this because I shared many of them within 'New, Blue...'

She didn't try. I did. I made the effort and I communicated my hopes, my dreams, and my desires. All she has to do is see who I've become, read my notes, and hear my words in order to know that she had a great guy who only wanted to love her and be loved back. Not too much to ask. But now that guy is gone.

Now he's on to bigger and better seas -- a better person for navigating through this storm, and appreciative for everything learned along the way.

And that's why I will eventually return to MB with a degree of regularity. (Sorry, if that comes as a disappointment to some....) And together we'll do our best to help others, and goof off from time to time, and heck, maybe even visit each other every so often when a business trip brings someone into town, or maybe just because we all want that super-important invite to that exclusive pool party.....

And speaking of that pool party, LG, the sod in your front yard will never be the same after my convertible gets a hold of it.......

Doing alright. I hope this finds my friends, and finds them well.

Thanks,
TBC

Thanks, TBC.

Truly inspirational. The part about not being a person, about just being part of a relationship and family, really hit home.

It's time to rediscover, or even reinvent, the PERSON that I want to be.

Hey TBC. Glad you are back. I thought about you earlier today and wondered where you had gone. I knew about the other thread, I hadn't found this one yet though.

Glad to hear that you are doing well in the personal recovery. I think there isn't enough credence placed on the personal recovery. Might have something to do with the name and purpose of this site. I DO believe that even if someone wants marital recovery that they would also need to have personal recovery as well. That's the only way to change yourself forever and that is the best ways to ensure that you will keep that bar HIGH.

Glad to see you are doing well.

Yes, it's good to be back. It's only been a week, but I was wondering about the ol' gang and how certain folks were doing.

I have verified that the process is well under way and I'm not looking to add roadblocks to my route. I do have to get the number from Skatt. I'm guessing the number has ramped up a bit. Just a hunch.....

TB_11 has tryouts this weekend. His coach called me this morning to shoot the breeze and to say that TB_11 was looking in top form -- even though it's the offseason. The coach is clearly going to be relying upon him. So MS, it looks like you can Scottie can continue to fight over his future services.

I must admit to struggling a bit with my new writing style. I feel much like a musician who cannot play certain notes. I understand WHY I need to communicate in this fashion, but I feel like something is getting lost in the translation.

I will say it again because I think it bears repeating, but I really do cling to the notion of looking forward, to experiencing life on my terms. To appreciate the concept of OPPORTUNITY. To embrace it with a fervor that wasn't all that different than an affectionate exchange with Skatt. And maybe it will be someone else someday. Maybe.....

And since you know how comfortable I am with movie references, let me add a couple. Now, I do HAVE A LIFE, so don't picture me as some Walter Mitty type of guy, living in a dark basement, and sitting in front of a TV while getting my dose of "reality" through that particular medium.

One of those scenes is from 'Castaway', starring Tom Hanks. And in the last scene -- okay, semi-spoiler alert -- he is is sitting at a four-way intersection trying to figure out which direction he wanted to take. There is something liberating about that scene. The freedom and autonomy within the scene does not escape me.

And, to be perfectly honest, the other scene is from 'The Hangover' -- where the dentist is getting major grief from his girlfriend for going to Vegas with his buddies. I watch that scene and I think, "Wow, THAT is a situation for which I no longer need to brace myself."

Again, I understand that these are FICTIONAL characterizations, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't generate some type of response or feeling from watching it.

It's a big world out there. Signing those doc's, and figuring out who gets which embroidered napkin, is just one step closer to seeing that world. I don't know what it will look like, and I don't know the timeframe for experiencing it, but I can assure you, that I am quite open to the realm of possibility. It's going to be different, and it will most certainly have its own unique set of challenges.

It's going to be a great ride, though.

Thanks,
TBC

What is your custody arrangement so far?

Is that in writing?

It sounds like you have primary, which is good.

Do you have clauses in the divorce agreement that the children will not be exposed to the parmour?

HTLD,

It has not been in writing but I have been told that the preliminary agreement that I will see this week (or early next week) WILL mirror what has been in place. The arrangement skews more towards me during the school year, and more towards her during the summer break.

I don't know whether I will be officially deemed primary but the thought is that I will retain Casa TBC and will need to unbundle the joint arrangement bundled within the note/title. Got the alimony number and it drifted up a bit from the previous number, but still workable. Not sure how workable it is to pay it out AND pay for hockey, but I have a whole team of experts poring through the numbers. Okay, well, me and a couple other folks......

I have alluded to settlement language which will keep The Pig away from the boys, but I don't think it's realistic in this great state. I WILL be making follow up inquiries regarding it, I can assure you....

And let me just add, that I am dealing with some major league fog right now. I'm not sure how much to get into it, but we're talkin' London-esque here folks. I am going to sit tight in my bunker and get this deal done before too many missiles start flyin' outside.

I really wish I could elaborate. Just some top-notch babble that would turn your head like Linda Blair. I know you'd enjoy the banter.

I hate self-editing.....

Thanks,
TBC

"The fog crept in on little cat's feet..."

TBC,

You really seem to have a sense of 'inner-peace' that comes through in your posts. I hope things work out well in your settlement dealings. I am following your thread closely, and I usually learn something each time I check your thread.

Keep leading the way my friend.

Oh by the way, congrats on your Flyers squeeking one out tonight! Wish I could have watched the game.