Well, someone mentioned some pages back that if she was not calling me a jerk, then something was not going right for me.

This morning, during breakfast, she was still sad from thinking of him yesterday and she told me she did not sleep well. I told her that I did not want her driving back and forth from her work this weekend as I worried about her. She then said "I'm not working sunday, so I'll just go back and forth once on Friday and Saturday morning." I told her that I and baby would just come with her then.

SHE GOT FURIOUS. Walked away, came back, walked away, came back...complaining the entire time. How I could not control her actions. How I was using baby as a pawn in this - I told her baby and I would have a great day. How she was ADVISED not to talk to him so why would she? I replied how she called him the day AFTER she was advised not to. She told me that it 'hurt like HE77' not talking to him. I told her I understood, and that it hurt me the same way to think that she would see him. She said 'why would he even be there.' I told her I saw on a forum that he may be going..she said 'so you are going to spy on me? What could happen at a public event?' She then threatened not to go this weekend at all. I said 'great, we'll have a good weekend together then.' She said 'stop saying WE. That aggravates me now.' And you get the drift. Saying how I could not trust her? I told her the last 3 times she went to that town, bad things happened and I did not approve of that in our marriage. I was calm the entire time while she was furious. And oh was she furious.

Did I do the right thing? All going according to plan?

Thanks all...this venting helps. This is like my daily journal. Of general suckiness going on in my life of course.

You did the right thing. I wouldn't much discuss it anymore. You can't control what she does, and she can't control what you do. Don't let her manipulate you into fighting. You are going, that's that, and there is no reason to talk about it.

Oh, and of course she was hoping to see him there. Now that fantasy is out the window. That's why she's so mad. Just keep preventing contact in any way you can, and hopefully she'll get through withdrawal and start rethinking her actions.

I did the right thing, in my heart, I know. However, I feel like crap inside. Like I am the cause of her misery and anger today. Help, tips, advice, normal? This is not getting any easier...not that I expected it to...

And of course, she was ugly this afternoon as well. Told her 'I didn't bring him into this situation, you did' as she told me that I kept on bringing his name into everything. She said "no, you did by hacking into my computer."

So, the fact that I hacked and FOUND OUT about her affair bothers her. AND THIS MAKES SENSE TO HER?

I want whoever has my wife to bring her back because I do not recognize this woman anymore :L UGH.

She still sounds very wayward/foggy. How long has it supposedly been since last contact?

Holy crap! You did a beautiful job!! Way to put pressure on her affair!!

It will get easier if you stick with it, igrip. The more trouble you cause in the affair, the more likely she will withdraw and the more likely your marriage will recover.

You are doing very well!! Just stick to it. Cause as much hell as possible at every turn!

Tomorrow marks three weeks since last contact. Tears up every time it gets brought up. In any way.

Thanks...am trying. Really hard. Filling out d questionnaire right now...this sucks as it is so impersonal.

Wanted to 'get away' today when being berated by her..instead, took daughter to other room and had fun and laughed. I am learning on how to re-direct my feelings. Progress...progress.

You are kicking butt dude. Stay strong. I'm proud of ya.

DITTO !!!

Yep!

I have another question that has not been (I think) answered.

How/why is it that my wife has NO feelings towards me? No remorse, no sadness towards us apparent, no physical touch (not even a hug is available), no sadness to the loss of our 'friendship' and marriage?

That is very strange to me. Suddenly, those feelings can disappear? The WW feelings are that strong towards the OM that I am 'replaced' in her mind? Is that how it works?

The fact that she sometimes 'talks' to me these days is an improvement...but honestly, her anger, defensiveness and otherwise blunt 'done' comments overshadow any 'niceness' or 'normalness' that she ever exhibits.

I know, I cannot feed or tie my emotions to her, I am just curious as to how her mind is operating at this time. Information makes me feel better inside....not knowing drives me nuts.

Igrip,

I have been dealing with the exact same thing for many months now. The way I look at it, your WW has to vilify you and make you the cause of all her 'pain and suffering'. In her eyes, you are the bad guy. She needed to do this to justify to herself, that her commiting adultery was OK, becasue at some level, she knows deep down that it is not OK. That is part of it.

The other part is your efforts in being a better person and your Plan A are having some effect. Her anger and resentment is due to you working a good Plan A. You are showing her that you really are a good person, which makes her question herself and doubt herself, which in turn, makes her angry.

That's how I look at it anyway. Does this make sense for your sitch?

That's a great question. I hope someone can give you an answer. I wonder the same thing. In my situation, one day it was there, I exposed and then nothing. they don't even show remorse for what they are doing to their children. igrip, I've been reading your post since you started and I feel your pain. Our situations aren't that different. You should at least take comfort that your wife is limited in her contact with OM. In my situation, he moved to town and started working with my WW. Now they see each other everyday.

Yes, that does make sense in a strange, perverse way.

My counselor told me yesterday that, unconsciously, she is seeing the changes in me and my actions. That is 'throwing' off her illusion. He explained it this way: At some point in our relationship, she became 'disenchanted' with me and our marriage. At a later point, she became 'enchanted' with the IDEA of the OM - that if she was with him (or the illusion of 'him'), all her dreams would come true and she would be happy. Clearly a fantasy, as explained here some pages back. So, my behavior now is 'confusing' her thoughts and that is where she is. And that is why she is angry, sad, etc......just confused and brittle right now.

She does not know what will make her happy right now. I ask daily and she cannot answer. Because she does not even know herself at this time. But this is making her take responsibility to find out what she is thinking...make sense?

Not that this understanding makes my or anyone else in the same boat situation ANY easier, but it is good to know. SickofLimbo...I believe you summed it up perfectly. Good to know we are not the only ones in this boat.

I cannot imagine him living in the same town. You are a strong man my friend. Very strong. Not that I am a violent man, but thoughts of that would cross my mind daily if he was seeing my wife every day at work. Cannot fathom..I'm sorry for your situation.

And another thing I see as curious. Out of anything I have read or anyone I have talked to, I don't see ANYONE that is happy that they are or were ever divorced. No one. Sure, physical abuse is one thing...but in reality, I haven't read about anything else where 'divorce' was never regretted. Any comments on that? Of course, the wayward spouses, at this time, do not see the logic, but us, the others that WANT our marriages...we can see this. What is everyone's thoughts and experiences on this?

I wouldn't say that there are many who are "happy" about their divorce, but I would say that there are many who are releived to be divorced.

I think for a lot of BS's out there with an unrepentant active WS, divorce was ultimately the best course of action. It may not have been the initial goal, but rather the lesser of two evils. Spend the rest of your marriage in misery, or sever ties and move on to a more healthy, productive and rewarding life.

I think for some, divorce can provide relief and in a sense, happiness. I hope not to find out myself, but if things don't change, I will certainly be releived to be divorced.

I still do not understand the 'repulsion' factor of any affection (i.e a hug). This changed when and why? Someone with whom you have had intense physical connection for years...all of a sudden, they sleep with someone else and then this? Strange strange strange....

Men are better at dividing their loyalties between multiple women (i.e. they have no problem sleeping with both their BW and OW). Women on the other hand usually are only loyal to one man. In your WW's mind, she has divorced you (without telling you), and is now with OM. So, since your WW is "with" OM, she feels like it is "cheating" on OM to accept affection from you. It would be like your ex-gf from year ago trying to snuggle up to you. If you were a decent guy, you would tell her to "get off." Well, your WW has "flipped the switch" and all her loyalties are now with OM.