HB,
Quickly skimmed through your thread. I think you need to read this thread completely again. Your wife has been playing you like a yo yo for months. Did you write a Plan B letter and what were the conditions you placed in the letter? Has she met those conditions. If no to any of the above, you are only opening up yourself to more hurt by allowing her to meet with you. She's going to get what she wants and you will the one who open and picks at your wound. Remember what she told you in January only for you to discover a month later she had another OM? HB - first priority take care of yourself and stick to Plan B. Words are just words and you can't believe anything out of her mouth. Don't put yourself in a position to be fooled again.

Go back and read this thread completely.

Gg

Hi Heartbroken,

I think that Plan B should have been introduced. Get a friend to act as intermediary. You need to recover. Dwelling on her does the exact opposite.

Possibly she wants to justify her actions. This is not to your advantage and you will have played into her hands.

Read the plan B letters and choose which one serves your cause.

Thanks for the advice guys. I'll read up on the Plan B letters, thanks.

I just noticed that her best friend there moved away to another state, so I think this is why she has been contacting me more lately. I'm just a crutch for her to fall back on if things aren't going just her way. It's just so sad and frustrating. This depression is draining the life out of me...

HB whats up?

HB,

There is guilt and manipulation at play here. There is nothing to be gained by her actions. She is trying to twist things to either make herself feel better, or to test the waters to see if you�re still available.

You need to go to a dark Plan B. Lay out your conditions. Tell her what requirements you need to have for her to come back. Then insulate yourself from her abuse.

That�s exactly what this is. This is her putting some food out for the lost puppy dog (you) to see if he returns.

Don�t fall for it. I put up with similar things from my ex and it is simply self torture. She�s likely just going to use the opportunity to tell you how much you sucked as a husband and to emasculate you. She�ll want to see you cry, ask for her to return, and simply get reassured that you�re still there while she�s out acting single.

The opposite approach is more likely to get her attention. If you�re steely, hard to read, and show little emotion towards her you become much more intriguing.

Whenever in contact, you should act as if you have something much better and pressing to do that to talk to her. This will drive her nuts.

I can�t remember if you have kids or not, but no kids means you should leave this cheater. You deserve better. I know you love her, but no one deserves this kind of abuse.

She�s lucky to have you in her life and not the other way around.

Don�t take it. Have some pride in yourself, give her a Plan B letter, and go dark.

It really is self torture and I know I do deserve better. It's just hard for me to see that right now because of how depressed I am. I feel very worthless and I don't like myself much. I hate to feel like this and I know I should learn to love myself. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude as much as possible and I know that it's just going to take some more time for me.

Thank you for caring guys. I really do appreciate it. I'm just going to keep carrying on the best I can.

"I just noticed that her best friend there moved away to another state, so I think this is why she has been contacting me more lately. I'm just a crutch for her to fall back on if things aren't going just her way. It's just so sad and frustrating. "

And maybe an opportunity to fill needs, so go plan A her.

HB77
17 pages is a lot to remember. Can you give a recap. Is WW still out of the house, NC, exposure?

How has plan A gone?

You know that plan A should only be for six months?

Getting close to the time to start plan B.

Have you tried calling the Harley's?

I think that you should so at least you get a war strategy that is the best for you.

Quick Recap- WW is still out of the house and failed to send a no contact letter to the first OM here. Though I believe that she doesn't have any contact with him anymore anyway. She has moved on to other OM's where she lives now, I'm sure.

Plan A seemed to go well for a while, but I'm still not sure what she is thinking. I've pretty much stayed in Plan A mode. It is getting close to time for Plan B.

I haven't called the Harley's yet to get a game plan. That is something that I probably should do asap.

In your siggy line, it says that WW cut contact with you. Is that still the case? If so, how is it that your Plan A went well?

What have you been doing to meet ENs and avoid LBs?

Are you ready for Plan B? Is everything figured out? Why are you feeling like you need to go into Plan B? Is it because of the way you are starting to feel? Is it going to be a Plan B/D thing?

If you really want to get help from the Harleys, you probably should call sooner rather than later.

Every few weeks I might get a text message from her asking for something and that's it. Lately though she has been contacting me more. Apparently she is having a rough time there and so she falls back on me for moral support, i guess. She actually called me this morning and was crying.

She said she is still in love with me and wishes we could find a way to make it work, but she will not move back to Utah and I told her that I won't move to Arkansas where she is. She already has a bunch of guy friends there and it would just turn into the same mess again if I moved there.

I've used Plan A and been nothing but nice, caring, and understanding to her whenever we chat or text. It doesn't seem to be working very well, that's why I have considered Plan B or possibly Plan D. Speaking of Plan D, I mentioned divorce to her tonight and she couldn't believe it! She got angry and wouldn't talk to me anymore. I guess we'll wait and see if she has anything to say soon.

Well of course not. She wants her tasty cake and she doesn't like that you won't give it to her.

Plan B/D sounds good right now.

hb77

"She said she is still in love with me and wishes we could find a way to make it work, but she will not move back to Utah and I told her that I won't move to Arkansas where she is"

Why won't you move to her, why won't she move to you?

Why not move some where else. Use a place that has better weather. A change, coast verses inland.

She apparently hates Utah and she doesn't want me to move to Arkansas now (that was an option several months back). I guess her mom does not like me and I have no idea why, except that maybe because I'm not rich or something.

Moving somewhere else is still a possibility and I have suggested it to her but she can't decide. She says that her mother needs her so she doesn't want to leave. IDK? She is very hard to reason with. Dealing with her is like dealing with a rebellious teenager. She really is very immature.

Here is the truth. She does not want to live with you because:

1. She wants to be able to have affairs without you watching her

2. She still wants the marriage so she can get money from you to carry on affairs.

3. She is in fantasyland, she says she still loves you to ease her guilt about the affairs.

4. She likes you as a "free counselor/friend" who will listen to her and give her attention when the other men are gone temporarily or the other men are tired of her.

Let her go, do a legal separation or divorce, at the very least do not give her any money.

Unfortunately, you are probably right on. Yeah, she isn't going to get any money from me. She has hinted toward needing money but I'm not giving her a dime. I've tried to long distance Plan A her now for months with no results. I really think this will end in divorce. It's too bad. She really is in a fantasyland.

She wants to talk with me later today about a lot of things, but I don't for see much positivity coming from our conversation. She is just too unreasonable and she is definitely a cake-eater. She keeps insisting that we need to talk face-to-face though.

Yes, a "face to face"> That will make it easier for her to manipulate you for money or other things she wants.

Well we were supposed to talk a few things over today on the phone and it never happened. She bailed on our talk, but I kinda expected it. I'll just keep doing my own thing and she can get at me when the time is more convenient "for her".

I've heard through the grapevine that she was seeing at least, one other guy while she was with me and possibly more. Why is it so hard for me to just move on? Even though maybe I shouldn't, I still love her and it hurts to think of all of the good times we had. She was my best friend. I try not to think about all of the great memories. I just really believe that I'm going to have to let her go. She has caused too much damage to me and the marriage. Love sure can hurt!

She also refuses to even look into the option of refinancing her vehicle so that my name can be taken off the loan. Is this something that would have to be resolved in a divorce? Any help please?