Thanks Scotty and NP!

NP - it was really you who gave me the courage to actually listen to H's A stories. Seriously. I don't know any woman stronger than you - way pregnant, fighting for her marriage, and having to listen to that . I really think that reading how you survived gave me the courage.

Scotty - in regards to the MC, we are going through a specific place for MC where I get my IC. No one in my area offers MB MC, but I know that they are pro-marriage from what I have worked on with them in IC. And hey, maybe I can introduce them to the MB ways!

Ok, another thought/question. Is it normal for H to go through MAJOR periods of being pissed off at himself? H has been in a snarky mood the last few days. He has said he wants to keep separate money accounts because I spend too much. Ok, fine. As long as he pays the bills I don't mind. (I do have his acct info.) But, he is not the best at paying bills on time. I took care of them for years, and now he kind of wants me to take care of them, but at the same time doesn't want to "give me access to his money because I will just go spend it." It took me all of my willpower not to LB when I heard that. It really upset me, though! I know I tend to spend money here and there, but really, I don't buy things that are expensive and stuff!!!

He's also been snarky because he realizes how much got screwed up because of his A. He has been really pissed at himself the last few nights, and nothing I do or say seems to make it better. I've tried telling him that we all make mistakes, no one is perfect, we will weather this storm together and make things great, etc. But he can't get past, well, the past! It's not like he wants FOW back, at least I really don't believe so, but he feels that the one time he actually tries to "do something for himself" as he puts it, it fails miserably.

That is another thing that really bothers me. He says life is no longer about himself, but me and DS. I keep telling him he needs to make sure he is taken care of, but he says no, it's selfish, too many kids grow up without dads, etc. (H tends to over-dramatize things...) He doesn't have anything for himself since he gave up the activity, and has no interest in anything else because "why bother, we're only going to die soon anyways." Yes, I've tried to say make the best of the time here then, but to no avail.

I don't know how to really handle this. I really feel that he needs IC but we cannot afford it. (I get mine free because of my school, and we'll have MC this fall the same way.) I try to be supportive and not LB, but it is so hard when he continually LB's me with this depressive talk. Is this a part of a W working towards recovery? I don't know.

I wish I could say we're completely recovered and I'm moving on. Defintely not the case. On a good note, we took DS to the place where I ended up finding out about him and FOW were still talking and we just had a FR. This time was way different, and ended up making good memories to replace those bad ones.

But, to why I'm really here. I have to say goodbye. H is feeling neglected by my being on sites such as this, and even FB,( which I only have people I know personally on,) and "doesn't feel there's a need to be on here now that it's all over." I obviously disagree, but he has been poisoned as to what this site and forums are about. . He also worries I'm gonna find someone on here and then turn around and tell him haha how does it feel or something allong those lines. He feels if he had to give up his message board and I should too. I totally disagree, and tried to educate, but we all know WH's, even FWH's cannot be educated if they don't want to be.

So, in order to really focus on us and our M, I must say goodbye. I will miss u all. Scotty, NP, Pepper, Markos, Believer, MelodyLane, MaritalBliss, PrincessMeggy, LilDoggie, and any that I have missed who were here for me (as CD or ABR), thank you. To all those in plan A or B or R or even D, know that my thoughts and prayers are with u. Be strong and work on true personal R overall. And NP, I'm thinking extra good thoughts for the newly born lil' bean!!!

I will miss u all, and maybe some day I'll be able to pop by and visit.

Good luck, cd!!! I'm so proud of you, and I wish you all the best. I wish my marriage was doing as well as yours, and I hope you guys recover fully and are stronger than ever!

I'll miss your encouragement - come by and visit sometime! Thanks for all the help, support, and kind words you gave me over the last few months. Take care and good luck!