Spoke to him for the first and last time. Called him regarding the phone bill Val paid for. Check copy came back with her statement [I was snooping] and he was kind enough to put his number on the bottom memo note. <P>Screwed up and called W to see what was going on. Gave her time to call Brian and she warned him I would be calling. When I finally got a hold of him got the story, "I don't know your wife." Nice try [censored] for brains. <P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

Hi<BR>Been there done that !! I called her on the phone same day as discovery, I tricked her into telling me everything by asking her a question e.g. I believe you have been seeing my husband. Her reply of course was no ! Then I followed up with well thats not what he tells me.... which of course was followed up by her with well yes once we had a milk shake etc to which I replied: well thats not what he tells me ..... I got the truth and once the call was over she called him and told him and he of course told her that he had said nothing to me. She felt so stupid to have fallen for that one. I on the other hand felt that I had answers and I did it all very lady like no shouting and swearing etc. I felt proud of myself that I came out on top of this lousey situation, while she on the other hand lost all even her self respect and pride.<P>Jenny<BR>South Africa<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

A word to the wise:<BR>30 years ago my XW confronted me and the OW as we were leaving work. She made quite a scene and she cleared her mind. Six months later she became my ex and the OW and I have been married for nearly 29 years now.<P>You probably should save your energy and confront your spouse on the issues of why H/W are having the affair and work on resolving that. The OP is half responsible for the affair but you are half responsible for your marriage.<P>Human beings don't take well to the humiliation of descovery. They may be 100 percent wrong but yet the ego or pride gets in the way. <P>Be careful you may not be able to take it back.<P>Flip

Have had basically 2 confrontations, one being very non-confrontational. The night I finally got my H to admit there was something wrong in our marriage he said he and the OW had been "talking" (F**king, is more like it!) but that it wasn't "serious" and wouldn't tell me how far things had gone. I told him to come clean and he said he had. I said good, then if I call the B*t*h then she will back you up, won't she? He said I didn't dare, guess what, I dared! It's funny, now that I look back on it being in full recovery. I called and said D., my husband says he doesn't want to work on our marriage any more cause he thinks the two of you have something going on. She gets this real haughty voice and said "Well, we have been talking about living together for some time." What a witch! But you know, I think back on how hurt she probably was the next day after I put my foot down and he called and said he couldn't talk with her anymore. I did a major lovebust. When I worked to see him through school we had agreed that no matter what he would see me through to my degree, weather we were together or not. At that time I had two more years till I had my degree so I told him to give her up for that time and do an honest job working on our marriage or I would turn into the biggest B*tch he ever had to deal with. I told him after giving up 3 years to work in his law practice I knew how to work the system and he needed to be afraid of me, that I would use every piece of knowledge I had ever gained to make his life a living hell for treating me that way. I also told him that I was more than worthy of his love and that he needed to work at being more worthy of mine. It's funny how much he actually believed because even now he says he was scared but that he knows I probably would have given him what he wanted, I was just beginning to stand up for myself and he actually admired me that night. The second time was a confrontation after we had been 6-7 months in recovery and both my H and I had to meet up with her and her H at a birthday party for my H neice. I was scared that she would make a scene. The hardest part was that I had told my daughters she was a friend and never told them why they didn't see her anymore, and they went up and hugged her like family. YUCK! PUUUUUCK! But the good part of that is that I saw my H reaction to her and there is no way shape or form he would ever have anything to do with her again. Thank You God, for looking over us!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

It took me 1 year after discovery to confront the OW. She confronted me enough times with obscene phone calls, drive-by threats with the flying finger of fate! I finally got fed up with her gall and decided if she wanted a platform for her venom I'd give it to her.<P>I went to her apartment ( mind you my H hadn't seen her since disclosure ) and asked her through the intercom if she wanted to talk. Man did she ever. I spent 4 hours listening to her "fill me in on their little love nest, secret life, and I got to view all the little cards, trinkets,and endearments. Basically I didn't say much just listened.<P>Two things were accomplished. I got the other side of the picture and she realized I was not the b---h she thought I was. I was a real woman with a heart and I loved my H. <P>I wouldn't do it again though. I already had enough to deal with without seeing all of her amo to convince me my H really loved her. She is a non-entity and didn't deserve the dignity I gave her. She set out to live my life and steal not only my H but coveted even my Grandchildren when given the chance. Not to blame her entirely, but who in their right mind would stoop so low as to try and have an influence on little innocent children. Ugh!!!!!<P>She finally moved away and I couldn't be happier! I still look over my shoulder though, wonder if that will ever go away?

Ok here's a tough on for you all. I confront OM everyday. He was one of my good friends at work. In fact he was one of my friends that was trying to help me figure out what was wrong with my wife (hmmmm). Unfortunatly neither one of us can quit our job because we need the income. I actually got up the nerve to talk to him yesterday. Needless to say it was just a lot of venting agression and trying to make him feel worse. Maybe someday I can forgive him, but it's going to be a long time. The outcome is yet to be determined. My wife is in the withdrawl stage, but at least were trying to work it out. So add me to the list everyday.<p>[This message has been edited by KLS (edited November 05, 1999).]

I came here (to MB) because of my affair, but many years ago, when my H was unfaithful with at least two women, one of the H's confronted me with the news, and I confronted the other OW myself. <P>When I confronted the OW, I called her, asked her to meet me at the park. She came riding up on her bike (she was one of those tan healthy women, and I was one of those fat PTA moms with three little kids). She brought her Bible and said that my H loved us both but that she would let him go because it was the right thing to do (how very noble <blech> and I usually reserve that word for soulmate). It took everything in me not to kick her da*m bike over as she rode into the sunset. I actually hugged her goodbye. SHOCK I GUESS! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Count me in! Sally, thanks for the laugh. You said you "smacked her in the head" and got arrested. That is priceless!! I have dreamed of doing that to the bimbo myself and it would be worth getting arrested to me. Also your remark about forgiving her was interesting because I sent an email to my H's OW just this week forgiving her for her part of the betrayal. I have never seen her in person but we have exchanged some pretty "heated" emails these past 5 months. I've threatened to confront her at work many times but haven't gotten the nerve yet. Maybe one day I will. In the meantime, I am working on forgiving both of them, not so much for them but for my sake. The bitterness is only hurting me so I am releasing it for me.

Well, I too confronted the OW. In my case the OW just so happened to be my "best friend" - or at least I thought so. She and my H had a 2 year affair-where was I? When H told me about it all June 1, 1999 I went into stunned mode. I was as numb as numb could be. Four days and a few e mails later I finally wrote e mailed her back and said HOW COULD YOU? She wrote back how very sorry she was but did my H tell me how she had asked him many many times to elave her the F - - - alone. Of course this upset me to no end. Number one the things she said lead me to thinking my H had basically forced her. Number two - I thought I knew the guy I am married to-and he wasn't at all what she was letting me think. Anyhow..........I went along with my life-sad as all get out, and finally after about 10 weeks I got MAD. I got really mad. As time went on I realized how much she used me and my H. Mind you all-I am fully aware that my H chose to have the affair. It was both of them involved and I see that plain as day. But I put so many little puzzle pieces together. I backed up and replayed all the things she told me that led me to thinking my H was maybe the aggressor and all. Things just weren't clicking with me. One night I couldn't take it any more. I was mad and I was hurt and I was tired of crying myself to sleep. I got out of bed, put on my clothes and went into town (13 miles away) and called her H-he knew a few days after I found out. We talked for a couple hours atleast. I was in a very poor state of mind. The OW woke up and he asked if I wanted to talk to her. I said no. He asked a few times more and I refused as I was totally worn out by that time. Finally he said she wanted to tell me something-and he said I didn't have to say anything. I once again refused and then I said OK. She gets on the phone an says "I am so very very sorry". I opened my mouth (yep, thats me). I told her she wasn't half as sorry as I was. I told her I hoped she would hurt at least as bad as I did. I told her how I had valued our friendship while she was out screwing my H. I told her how she hurt me and my kids. I said a ton of things but I did not yell and I did not threaten. My goal was to let her know that she really really lost out when she lost me as a friend. Also-I told her of some things she had somehow forgotten to tell her H. All along she was saying how she had told him everything and how my H claimed to have no memory of any details. My H did say that in the beginning. He was trying very hard to spare me any more hurt and he also wanted nothing more than to forget all details. He sees how she used him and he is ashamed of himself for being so damned stupid and so damned vulnerable. After I got off the phone I felt so much better. I caught her by surprise a time or two with things I knew and I also felt she had a real clear view of how hurt I was. But now I am back to being so angry again. Just yesterday I saw a shirt of H's when I was hanging up his clean clothes and it caused me to remember back to a year and 4 months ago when the OW wanted a ride to my sons graduation. I thought at the time it was odd that she wanted to go-I personally think graduations can be long and boring even when my own kid is involved. But anyhow she went with us and my H wore that shirt and all sorts of memories came back. On the phone she told me how she couldn't look me in the eye and how nervous she would get when she was around me. Oh yeah???? They started the affair in June 1997. In September she and I went to two concerts together and at the end of the month we went to disneyland for a week-families and all. Then the graduation in June 1998-this being after x mas and kids birthdays and all. Hello-do I look that dumb? I am so mad- again :-( I am tired of having her ruin so much time in my life. I love my H more than anything. She ruined such a very good thing.<P>Sorry-I am going way overboard. Emotions I spose The bottom line here is yes I confronted and it felt great for a little bit. Now I wish I could do it again and again and again. I wish every time I remembered something I could get in her face and say ........................<P>Take care all-life is way too short <P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>