Hi Cami,

You are doing great.

"he said, don't tell me, show me" This is very promising.

Often, when a man falls out of love with his wife (providing he is NOT having an affair), he can be coaxed back into the marriage just by her meeting his EN's and stopping LB's.

Try to avoid relationship talk, except as it relates to the questionnaires, and just continue do what it is you now know he wants.

You have much reason to hope. For all the reasons you pointed to.

Keep up the good work!

So, I think I get to feel like somewhat of a fool here now. And I admit the wrongness of my thinking. I need more advice please.

So I got a pissed off call this morning. Seems his mom called him and he was camping with some friends. One woman and her boyfriend, One woman and her son, and him all in seperate tents. ANYWAY, his mom said, say hello to "@@" for me." when she was ready to hang up and he said what the hell is that supposed to mean....his mom said "well I assume she's right there int he tent with you". So his mom was accusing him of sleeping with OW at this point.

So he called me thinking I was the one who told her that. Well, it was NOT me. He had told me they were talking, they went to high school together and they were friends...I knew/know this. They are in "similar situations" with the SAME complaints about their spouses period. The only difference is that her hubby is not willing to attempt to make changes and I am. So now I'm wondering if he would have acutally left without working on it here without her providing some type of influence, some type of push so to speak. He also said that she does not plan to be in the situtation she is in very much longer either just like he doesn't plant to be living with his mom smuch longer....neither of them can take much morel.

I then started to question him a little....not too intrusive, but I had to understand. I guess they have went out to lunch together. He has not held her hand, no kisses, no touches....just lunch. But when I asked if she was faithful to her marriage he said she "has been" and that she really wants out, but can't right now. So I then asked if he was dating her...he said no. He would not commit a comment to whether I had to worry about her because he doesn't want to start a "cat fight" anywhere like FB or some of the other forums or anything. He doesn't want me saying bad things about her when she's only been a friend a listened to him at this point. But they've went on a lunch "date" and they have went camping with her son and stuff.

He did say "would I date ##, yes, but would I date you if you keep the changes, yes".

I think this is what an Emotional affair is. And I can combat that as long as he is willing to let me. He asked why I was so asking these questions now and I said "well, I need to know if I TRULY have a chance to prove these things to you." He said I do, that he told me that and he means it. Period.

I explained then that I work hard every day to dig deep and to reach down and to continue to improve myself. I work hard every day to keep up with the changes I have made and work toward other changes that are good. I work hard every day to know that I am doing the right thing for me and pray every day that they are the right changes for him as well. He said he knows this.

He said he would call me back later cause I asked if we could maybe go do something together. He said he was busy right now but then had to go back to his "home" and see if he stilll had a "home" cause his mom is so spitting mad. Then he would call me and let me know if we could manage to get together or not. I did state there would be no Sex. That I just wanted to spend some time together and talk. Period. he said that wasn't the problem, it was just that he was busy and would have to call me later and we could see.

So, what do I think now?? What do I do?? I think there is still hope as he is still talking to me and even about everything including his feelings about what his mom said.....I want to keep working on myself, I want to keep working to save my marriage, I want to do fun things and he was always the one I did them with when I used to do them so it is my nature to call him when I want to as well. Please help me figure this out and have a direction to go.

Cami,

Yes, you still have hope.

Yes, he is (at the very least) flirting with an EA. . .

I would start another post over in Surviving an Affair. While he may not be having a PA, this relationship definitely poses a risk (and a high one) to your marriage.

Keep doing what you are doing, and keep talking to folks who have had experience with this... many people over on SAA have been through just what you have, and have restored their marriage through MB.

Have you considered counseling with Dr. Harley?